Tag: Travel

Swiss Miss: The Olympic Museum & Lovely Lausanne (Switzerland)

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While visiting Geneva, I decided to take a quick trip to Lausanne (which is 40 minutes from Geneva, 30 minutes from Chillon).  Lausanne is MUCH better than Geneva so my advice is to skip Geneva and spend your time visiting Lausanne, Montreux and Chillon.

Lake Geneva is in the southwest corner of Switzerland and separates the country from France.  This area is known as the Swiss Riviera and the predominant language is French.  Lausanne calls itself the “Olympic Capital” (it has been the home to the International Olympic Committee since 1915).  This colorful city was first founded on the lakefront by the Romans (and really, what city didn’t they discover???).  Once Rome fell, the original Lausanners fled to the hills to escape the barbarians and established what is today referred to as “vieille ville” (old town).  Lausanne has 2 parts:  1) the lakefront Ouchy (which has restaurants & the Olympic Museum) and 2) old town which has an Old World charm and other museums (i.e. Collection de l’Art Brut).  These two areas are connected by the Metro funicular (source Rick Steves’ “Switzerland”).

Lausanne is absolutely beautiful and very serene.  You can walk along Lake Geneva during the breathtaking sunset.

  

Or, stop to view the flower displays as you stroll the main boulevard.

   

We arrive in Lausanne and take a taxi to the Olympic Museum (which is AWESOME!).  This museum is interesting to both Olympic enthusiasts and those of us who like to watch the games every 2 years.  As you enter the museum, you will pass by the Olympic store which has shirts, posters, etc. from previous games (and the future London 2012 games).  After you pay the entrance fee, you are given a ticket which you will need to insert into the turnstiles to enter each exhibit.

They have several small theaters which recount the history of the Olympics.  In 1894, Pierre de Coubertin founded the International Olympic Committee and restarted the games after a 1,500 year lapse.  Barron de Coubertin was a teacher who was born into a French aristocratic family.  He was really into physical fitness and channelled that passion into restarting the games.  During the film, you hear him ask the nations that will take part in the games to respect each other.  Now, I do have to give Mr. de Coubertin the side-eye because he felt that the inclusion of women would be “impractical, uninteresting, unaesthetic, and incorrect.”  Whatever, Pierre.  Women eventually were allowed to compete in the 1900 Summer Olympics in Paris. 

The ground floor traces the history of the Olympics from its start in Greece through about a century’s worth of ceremonial olympic torches.

 

Upstairs has medals and information/highlights from each Olympics.

Muhammad Ali’s shoe from his gold medal win in boxing at the 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome.

Wilma Rudolph’s track shoe that she wore to win three Olympic titles (the 100 m, 200 m and the 4 x 100 m relay) at the same 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome as Muhammad Ali.

The basketball signed by the U.S. “Dream Team” led by Michael Jordan at the 1992 Summer Olympics in Barcelona.

And, Shannon Miller’s leotard from her gold medal win for balance beam at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta.

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Charming Château de Chillon (Switzerland)

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The majestically beautiful Château de Chillon (Chillon Castle) is located on the shore of Lake Léman (Lake Geneva) in the commune of Veytaux, at the eastern end of the lake, 3 km from Montreux, Switzerland. The castle consists of 100 independent buildings that were gradually connected to become the building as it stands now (source Wikipedia).  The cities along Lake Geneva make up the fabulous French Swiss Riviera!  I took the train from Geneva to Montreux.  Then, hopped on a bus to Chillon.

Incredibly, Château de Chillon is very well-preserved.  Unlike many other castles in Europe, it has never been damaged or destroyed.  Per the website, the history of the castle was influenced by three major periods:

  • The Savoy period (12th century to 1536)
    The oldest written document mentioning the castle dates from 1150; it says that the House of Savoy already controlled the route along the shores of Lake Geneva.
  • The Bernese period (1536-1798)
    The Swiss, more precisely the Bernese, conquered the Pays de Vaud and occupied Chillon in 1536. The castle retained its role as a fortress, arsenal and prison for over 260 ans.
  • The Vaudois period (1798 to the present)
    The Bernese left Chillon in 1798 at the time of the Vaudois Revolution. The castle became the property of the Canton of Vaud when it was founded in 1803. The restoration of the historical monument began at the end of the 19th Century and continues to this day.

All in all, the castle has been used in a variety of ways:  as an armory, warehouse, prison, hospital and tourist attraction.  As you enter the grounds, you feel like you have gone back in time.  The people who work at the castle all wear period-era clothes so as you tour the castle, you feel as if you have stepped into life in the 1500’s.

Chillon Castle is surrounded by a natural moat so you cross a bridge to get to it.

 

Then, as your walk down the path, you come upon the castle and beautiful Lake Geneva.

  

As you enter the castle, you walk into the main courtyard (there are 3 courtyards in total).  This is where the main action took place.

      

I picked up an audio guide then started the tour.  First thing I see is a model of what the original castle looked like.

Then, I tour the “Underground” which is spectacular!  It held the wine and prison.  It’s most well-known for the imprisonment of Bonivard, made famous by Lord Byron, who made him the hero of his poem “The Prisoner of Chillon”.

   

Next stop was the great halls which had beautiful windows with seats to look out over the courtyards or Lake Geneva.

Chambre bernoise

A comfortable bedroom, with rather subdued decoration, a large four-poster bed, heating, private toilet and even running water!

  

A quick note about the potty above.  First, you see that 2 people can go at the same time…with no barrier between them.  Reminds me of Ephesus where there were 10 potties like this.  I can’t imagine talking to Mary while doing #2.  Shoot, I don’t even like doing that when there is someone in the bathroom with stalls!  Second, if you look down into the lid, you will see that it empties straight into the lake.  So, um…I’m not thinking a lot of people went skinny-dipping.

Views of Lake Geneva from the castle.

  

Torture Chamber.  While I was there, I was able to view the Temporary exhibition: “Witch-hunting in the Pays de Vaud, from the 15th to the 17th centuries”.

The Pays de Vaud was the site of major witch-hunts between the 15th and the 17th centuries. During this period, there were more than 2000 death sentences!

On a larger scale, Switzerland within the current borders if the time holds not only the record for the longest-lasting repression of witchcraft but also for the largest number of people persecuted for this crime, in relation to the population. In almost three centuries, 5,000 people were accused and 3,500 of them were put to death, mainly by fire, with 60 – 70% being women.

Chillon Castle was an important detention centre for people suspected of witchcraft, either when awaiting trail or carrying out their sentence. During the term of the Bernese bailiff, Nicolas de Watteville, from 1595 to 1601, some forty-odd people were executed at Chillon, La Tour-de-Peilz and Vevey. And 27 more in 1613! Their Excellencies of Bern noted “…with regret and sadness the extent to which the negation of God and submission to the evil spirit was growing among our subjects in the Romand (French-speaking) country.” (source Chateau de Chillon website).

Finally, some photos I took while walking around the castle.

     

Overall, I thought Château de Chillon was fascinating and beautiful.  It’s a great tour idea for kids!  If you are ever in the Swiss Riviera region, check it out.  Try to go in the late afternoon so you can see the sunset at the castle.  Absolutely amazing!

WTF, Vegas?

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What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas…unless it’s funny & juicy, then it’s shared on my blog!  And, have I got some stories for y’all.  My BFF, Isina, joined me in the big LV for the weekend and we had a FAB-U-LOUS time!

Of course, y’all know how my luck rolls so craziness greeted us at the airport shuttle.  Isina is now a firm believer in the fact that I am a crazy people magnet.

Airport Shuttle AKA “WTF?”
Sigh.  This is going to be pretty long so sit back and make sure you have something to snack on.  Isina and I arrive at the Vegas airport and decide to take the airport shuttle since it was $7 (a taxi probably wouldn’t have been much more but we didn’t know that at the time).  We arrive at the shuttle stand, buy our tickets and find the proper line.  There are about 15 or so.  The queues are organized by number.  You’ll have 2 queues per stand (i.e. signs for shuttles 1 and 2 are in the same section).

We head for the sign that says “2” and stand in the queue thinking a shuttle will be along shortly (because the line was fairly long).  Wrong.  After 20 minutes, a bus sidles on up and fills up pretty quick so we are left to wait for the next shuttle…which takes another 20-25 minutes.  We are now towards the front of the line.  It’s not complicated and we have just seen that the system can work.  But, it wouldn’t be my story if things worked out perfectly.  So, as the second shuttles pulls up, we work out a plan that I will stay in line to make sure the bags make the shuttle and Isina will save us a seat.  Well, a rogue line that I hadn’t been paying attention to (they were loitering over by queue #3) made a mad dash and rushed onto the shuttle so those of us who had stood in line were left out.  I was like, “Wait a minute.  What just happened?”

Then I had a revelation.  You know who have the biggest problems with habitual line jumpers?  Old people.  They can’t handle it.  I don’t know if it’s the fact that they feel their time on earth could be up at any moment or what.  But, they will bust a cap over someone cutting in front of them.  I had the pleasure of witnessing 2 such incidents.  It all happened when the bus driver (who is now opening the back of the bus to start loading luggage) stated that if you are in line, you aren’t getting on the bus and need to move your bags because the bus is full.  Why did he say that?  That set it off.

Mr. Vernon Dursley (I swear he looked just like Harry Potter’s uncle) got this wild eye look and was like, “OH HELL NO!  WE WERE HERE FIRST!”  But that didn’t make any waves.  Then, he was like, “THEY JUMPED THE LINE!  THEY WEREN’T STANDING IN LINE #2.  I TOLD THEM THAT THE LINE STARTED AT THE OTHER END AND THEY SAID NOT TO WORRY BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE ENOUGH ROOM ON THE BUS!!!  KICK THEIR ASSES OFF!!!  I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT!!!  KENO DON’T PLAY ITSELF!!!  SHIT!”  The bus driver’s reply?  “I’M KICKING ALL THESE MUTHA FUCKAS OFF THE BUS!!!”  It was like he was speaking to himself but I was like, “Um, if you are kicking them off, does that mean there is room for us?”  Just sayin’.

Alas, he didn’t kick them off but he and Mr. Dursley started going at it.  Clearly, he doesn’t know how Mr. D can get…I mean, he made Harry live in a cupboard under the stairs for 9 years!  Get back on the shuttle, bus driver!!!  But, he decided to try his luck…because it’s Vegas, I guess.  Anyway, he disappears for a few minutes, then comes back and gets into it with Mr. D again.

Just long enough for another guy to show up.   This man had to be 104 years old if a day…he was wearing khaki pants pulled up to his nipples, a flowered shirt and had cotton in his ears…he was old y’all.  So, Father Time had been grinning and seemed to be in a happy place.  Then, it turned on a dime.  Another shuttle worker shows up to defuse the situation with the bus driver and Mr. D.  He’s a black guy who is probably in his mid-30s (who I will call Ice Cube).  So, as Cube is trying to calm down Mr. D, Father Time hops up and starts waving his shuttle receipt in Cube’s face and screams “WHAAAATTTT TTHHHEEE FUUUUCCKKK?”  I was like, “oh hell, here we go.”  Father Time then screams out “WHAT THE FUCK?  I’VE BEEN WAITING FORTY-FIVE MUTHA FUCKIN MINUTES FOR A MUTHA FUCKIN SHUTTLE AND IT HASN’T SHOWN UP MUTHA FUCKIN YET.  GIVE ME MY MUTHA FUCKIN REFUND BEFORE I FUCK YOU UP!”  Father Time is gangsta.  I wasn’t all that confident that he wasn’t carrying.

So, Cube was like, “Who the fuck is this old mutha fucka talking to?”  Then, he does something unexpected (and not very customer service friendly)…he starts screaming back at Father Time.  He says, “WHO THE FUCK YOU TALKIN TO?  YOU BETTA WATCH YO’SELF!  I DON’T PLAY THAT SHIT.  GET YO ASS BACK IN LINE OR GET THE FUCK OUT.  YOU AIN’T GOTTA TAKE A SHUTTLE…GET A FUCKIN CAB!!”  FT screams back, “GIVE ME A MUTHA FUCKIN’ REFUND AND I’LL TAKE A CAB.”  Cube, “AIN’T NO REFUNDS, BITCH (the bitch part was implied)!”  It just got really real y’all.

I was shocked that Father Time had such a potty mouth.  I mean, nobody knows when their time is up but when you are looking like Cocoon and clearly your number could be called any day…I just thought he’d be acting better.  You know how folks get religious when they get older to get a few more credits when they get to the Pearly Gates?  Like, “Hey Pete?  Can I call you Pete instead of Peter?  I mean, I feel like we’re boys since I read my Bible every day after I turned 50.  Can you tell Jesus I’m here?  Picked up my water at reception…just need him to turn it into some Chardonnay.  Thanks!”  Maybe Father Time had a slip up?  I mean, how are you going to explain the cuss out in Vegas to Peter???

Now, during this whole show, Isina had been looking for a taxi so she missed everything.  When she walked up, I calmly explained that she had missed a fight.  Because you don’t act all excited when crazy is close by.  You don’t know what could set them off again.  Kinda like earthquake aftershocks.

So, the shuttle finally takes off without us and the crazies on it.  That’s when Mr. D feels that he has found a friend in me and wants to talk it out.  Sigh.  Why?  This happens to me dang near every trip!  But, I listen as he explains what happened for the 10th time (like I wasn’t there when it happened or when he explained it the previous 9 times).  Here is a transcript of the convo:

Mr. Dursley:  DID YOU SEE THOSE PEOPLE JUMP THE LINE?  I TOLD THEM THAT THE LINE FOR SHUTTLE BUS 2 WAS AT THE OTHER END BUT THEY SAID IT WAS COOL AND THAT EVERYBODY COULD GET ON.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?  THEY JUMPED THE LINE AND RUSHED ONTO THE BUS?  PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE A MENACE TO SOCIETY.
Me:  You are right.  I can’t believe it.  It’s shocking.
Mr. D:  Karma is going to come back and get them bad.  They will lose at every game they play.
Me: *giggling because he is now the white Celie from The Color Purple…all that was missing was the hand gesture with the fingers*  You are right, ugliness never wins, sir.
Mr. D:  I’m calling someone about this.
Me:  Yeah, you can’t let this go.

Mr. D then decides he’s exhausted telling the story to those around him and now needs to call up his homies.  So, he tells Mrs. D (Petunia) to watch the line and make sure no rogue jumpers cut in while he is 2 feet away screaming the story into his phone.  Mr. D gets on the phone and in the middle of telling his story, he sees a couple of women who are in line #3.  But, they apparently have drifted too close to line #2 because he pauses his phone call, gives a pointed look to Petunia cuz she is apparently slipping on the line protection job, and yells out to the women “ARE YOU WAITING FOR SHUTTLE BUS #2 BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, YOU NEED TO GET TO THE END OF THE MUTHA FUCKIN LINE BECAUSE AIN’T GOING TO BE NO MORE LINE CUTTING AROUND HERE.  I’M MISSING OUT ON BLACKJACK BEHIND THIS SHIT.”  They were like, “No sir, we are waiting on shuttle #3.”  So he leaves them alone and goes back to his call.  After the call, he walks the 2 feet back to the head of the line, notices the 2 women again…and again says, ““ARE YOU WAITING FOR SHUTTLE BUS #2 BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, YOU NEED TO GET TO THE END OF THE MUTHA FUCKIN LINE BECAUSE AIN’T GOING TO BE NO MORE LINE CUTTING AROUND HERE.”  They calmly tell him again that they were waiting on shuttle bus #3.  Five minutes pass… nobody has moved but he sees a leaf or something and takes notice of the 2 SAME LADIES FOR A THIRD TIME AND GOES THRU THE WHOLE THING AGAIN!  At this point, they are shutting him down and Mrs. D can’t be found because she is embarrassed.  I’m entertained.

After all of that, we finally get on the bus after Cube comes over and asks which bus we were waiting on.  As we are riding to the hotel, we see that the shuttle with the line jumpers had broken down right outside the airport.  Mr. D was like, “THAT’S KARMA BITCH!”  Glorious.

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Walk Like an Egyptian…

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“Naharak Saeed” (“Good Day”) from Egypt!  I struggled with how I would blog about my visit.  Egypt is complex, a bit schizophrenic & absolutely breathtaking.  I’ve been waiting my entire life to visit this magnificent place.  In one day, I found myself in awe of the great works that were achieved thousands of years ago…and then repulsed by current conditions.  As always, I’m planning to keep it real so you are going to get Egypt straight with no chaser.  I hope you are ready!

I read several books on Egypt in order to educate myself on the history & culture of the country.  The history of the pharaohs can get a bit complicated so I’ll try to simplify it as best I can.  I am going to give you a quick background so that you will understand my reaction to certain situations I recount later.

BACKGROUND

Religion

Islam is the official religion of Egypt (with about 90% of the people being Sunni Muslim) which means that it’s a pretty conservative country.  Women must cover up (long sleeves and pants even in the HOT sun) and drinking and gambling in public are frowned upon.  That already puts me out of the mix as I don’t like to be wearing a lot of clothes when it’s hot and how am I supposed to hit the jackpot without a cool alcoholic beverage to clear my mind?   However, I believe in trying to live like a local so I wore long pants and a long sleeved shirt (and reserved my drinking for home).

Gender Issues

I read an article a couple of years ago which focused on Egypt having a high rate of sexual harassment.  The article stated that Egyptian men think western women are “loose” (since we drink and wear tank tops).  If you expose a lot of skin, the men think this is an “invitation” and may expose their genitalia as an offer for sex.  Recently, I read an article on “Using social media tools to battle sexual harassment in Egypt” by Rima Abdelkader, NBC News which said “The Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights in Cairo called harassment in Egypt a ‘dangerous social cancer’ in a survey in 2008. The survey reported that 98 percent of foreign women were sexually harassed and 83 percent of Egyptian women experienced harassment throughout Egypt.”   I don’t know why the men just don’t import some of those erotic calendars from Pompeii.  They may not have access to the internet but they can certainly carry those calendars around to satisfy their lust.  I found them in a pocket-size version.  A little something for freaks on the go.

My guidebook also recommended that women not look a man directly in the eye as it is seen as an “invitation”.  That was hard for me because I am used to looking people in the eye as a show of respect (plus it shows that I’m listening to you).  If my eyes drift…so has my mind.  I’m not saying it’s right, it’s just how it is.  I think I suffer from adult ADD.  Anyway, I made sure to wear sunglasses the majority of the time because I didn’t want men thinking I’m soliciting them for sex.  But, um…there were some really good-looking men in Egypt 🙂

I also observed a man offer 5 camels to buy a woman from the man that she was with.  Apparently, in Egypt, camels are currency & women are commodities.  So, you could be walking along the Nile River and Ahkbar could just come up and be like, “I’ll give you 7 camels for Betty.”  It happens.  Better hope your boo doesn’t owe too much to Bank of America because you may be making papyrus on the Nile.

Environmental, Health & Safety Issues

We were told COUNTLESS times not to drink the water or eat any uncooked food.  While this is what you hear whenever you go to Mexico, it’s on a whole new level in Egypt.  I will cover this in more detail in the next post on Cairo (as that is when it really hit home).  This was the most shocking and disappointing aspect to the trip.

Poverty

Egypt has a 50% unemployment rate.  I will touch upon this issue in the next blog post since it has not only a rural impact but a major urban one as well.  This is where “hustlin’” was born.  I thought it was bad in the Dominican Republic.  They are amateurs compared to the Egyptians.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  There has been a lot of governmental corruption so be prepared for me to get on my soap box. 

What is Egypt like?  I think the answer is different for each person.  It’s all in what you make of it.  If you love history (like me) then you will be able to see past the crazy, absurd and disappointing to focus on the beauty of this African country.  So, let’s get started! 

ALEXANDRIA

We arrived in Alexandria around 6am…just in time to see the sun rise.  I could hardly sleep the night before in anticipation for what I’d get to see.  The first thing I notice as we pull into port is that the water in the harbor is dirty and there are sunken ships (which were actually pretty cool).  

Alexandria is the capital where Cleopatra ruled from 51-30 BC.  The city was named for Alexander the Great when he conquered Egypt from the Persians.   The story of Cleopatra is fascinating.  One thing I did not realize is that she was a descendant of Greeks (Ptolemy, who was a general of Alexander the Great).  Cleo was highly educated (she spoke 8 languages) and hard core (she killed her sister in order to have the throne).  A big thing back in the day was for sisters and brothers to marry each other and procreate in order to keep the royal bloodline going.  Of course, this resulted in genetic deformities and poor health for the offspring (see the latest article on the DNA testing of King Tut) as well as a touch of the crazy.  Anyway, Cleo was married off to her brother (Ptolemy XIII aka “P13”) but she was like, “this is gross and I’m out.” So, she ended up falling out with him and Julius Caesar had to resolve the conflict of who should rule Egypt.  P13 thought he could outsmart his sister and keep her from using her charms to get Caesar to rule in her favor.  But, he underestimated her.  Where there is a will, there is a way.  Cleo had herself rolled up in a carpet and was taken right past her brother’s guards in the palace to Caesar.   She put her charms on, was granted the right to rule Egypt and made Caesar her first baby-daddy.

After Caesar was killed (“et tu, Brutus?” is one of my favorite lines), Cleo put her charms on Marc Antony and had 3 kids by him.  Marc ended up living in Alexandria and boozing it up.  When he was defeated by Octavian (Caesar’s heir to the Roman throne and his rival), he was told that Cleo was dead.  So, he killed himself.  Cleo actually wasn’t dead and when she found out Marc had committed suicide and she had lost the throne to Egypt, she killed herself by having a deadly snake, an asp, bite her.  It’s so tragic.  Her kids ended up being taken to Rome where the boys were killed so they wouldn’t pose a threat to Octavian but her daughter, Cleopatra Selene, was allowed to live and ended up becoming the Queen of Mauretania.

     

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Rome in a Day…the Remix

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It’s my second trip to Rome and I am eager to share the experience with my friend, William (aka “Sweet Willy” because he’s just so darn cute).  We arrive at the Roma Termini station and walk about 15 minutes to our hotel.  As we are walking:

William:  Did you just see that car?

Me:  What?

William:  The General Lee Smart Car…did you just see that?

Me:  I have no idea what you are talking about.  I’m looking at hotel signs.

William:  We have to go back so I can take a picture because nobody will believe this.

*we walk back to take the picture*

William:  That’s nice.  An eco-friendly racist.

Me:  Really Rome?  That’s what’s hot in the streets?  Did we just time travel to the mid-80s?  Bo & Luke can’t jump into a little ass Smart Car.  Cooter doesn’t know how to fix this!  He’s got 3 wrenches and an oil can.   Did Daisy give up the Jeep and start taking public transportation?  Uncle Jesse and I can’t take all this.  It’s too much.

We finally leave the Italian General Lee and find our hotel.  Upon check-in, I ask if we can store our bags the next day while we are sightseeing.

Me:  Can we store our bags after we check-out in the morning?

Buddy:  For how long?

Me:  Just a few hours.

Desk Clerk:  How many bags do you have?

Me:  [thinking *Man, what is the problem?  You can either store the bags or not.  Isn’t that standard service at a hotel?* but New Nikki responded] 4

Desk Clerk:  *long sigh & acting put upon* I guess

Me & William: *side-eye*

After we get settled in the room, we decide not to go out since we needed to be up early to do a lot of sightseeing.  So, William does some work and I turn on the tv and see this program called “Il Canto”.  Y’all ain’t ready for Il Canto.  It’s like American Idol + America’s Got Talent + So You Think You Can Dance + Top Chef + Project Runway + The Bachelor.  The program is like 6 hours long with people of all ages, group sings, dancing, judging, and guest appearances.  I still don’t know what it was.  There was this kid who looked to be maybe 12 and I think he won his part of the singing competition (but who knows because it was like he was there in concert or something).  You could not tell him that he wasn’t a star.  He had hand gestures, facial expressions and teeth spaced about an inch apart.

Me:  Wow, I can’t take it.  He is doing runs like he’s Mariah.

William:  You know he just got beat up backstage.

Me:  Why?

William:  Too nerdy.  He can sing…but once he leaves the stage, Giuseppe is waiting there with the beat down to take his lunch money.  If he was in NY, they would just roll up on you like, “yo son, that’s a nice coat.  What size is that?  A small?  Really?  That’s just my size.  You can give it to me or I’ma take it.  It’s on you, B.”

A little later:

Me:  Did that little girl just sing an R. Kelly song?

William:  You can’t keep Kells down.  I wonder what the legal age of consent is here?

Then, we decided to make-up translations to the interviews since we couldn’t understand what they were saying.  When the host was interviewing a sound guy after some little kid did a horrible rendition of Aretha’s “RESPECT”, we translated it as follows:

Me (as the host, Bruno):  Silvio, what did you think of little Pashmina singing “RESPECT”.  Did you find out what it meant to her?  And, did she take out the ECT?

William (as the sound guy, Silvio):  Bruno, she sucked.  And, this show has run into my overtime so you know you are paying me time and a half, right?  This ain’t a telethon.

Me:  Silv, don’t worry about the OT.  Clearly you need the money because those skinny pink jeans ain’t doing you no favors.  Now get back on the soundboard and make sure my mic sounds nice.

After two hours of Il Canto, the Sleep Monster got us and it was a wrap.

…

We get up, have breakfast and check-out to start our self-guided “Rome in a Day” power sightseeing tour.  We start off by going to The Forum and see a guy dressed up as a Trojan.

William:  Where are Trojans from?

Me:  Trojania?

The Trojan asks if we want to take a picture so we oblige…

 

…then, as William is pulling out some coins to tip, Mr. Trojan was like, “That’s gonna be €10.”  After looking startled, we realized we just got hustled.  By a man in a costume.  Chuck E Cheese doesn’t charge you for pictures!  Of course, Chuck just walks around leering at you so I guess you have to pick your poison.  Yes, I have issues with Chuck.  Don’t judge me 🙂

It’s the start of the day and we are trying to be positive.  We pay for the Roma Pass (which is a smart buy for sightseeing in Rome) then pick up an audio guide and a map.  The Roman Forum really is spectacular with all the ancient remnants.  However, it only has fragments of buildings & statues so it’s hard to know what is what.  The map was even more confusing.  The numbers didn’t correspond to the information boards outside some of the sites.  Then, we attempted to use the audio guide.

William:  I think we are at site 7.

Me:  Okay, push play and let’s see.

[The audio guide has a British man giving a 20 minute soliloquy about columns and statues and if you look into the sun you can see Caesar or something we cannot find for the life of us.  It almost felt like we had a learning disability because the sites are numbered so any 2-year-old should be able to do this.]

William:  What is he talking about?

Me:  I don’t know.  I thought you knew.

William:  No!  And, he is still talking.  It’s been what?  45 minutes?  Why can’t he just give an executive summary and say, “to your left is an arch, now turn your ass around and walk?”

Me:  Really?  That’s how they do in New York?  You have ADD.

In the end, we used Rick Steve’s Italy guidebook and just took pictures.  The Roman Forum was ancient Rome’s birthplace and civic center.  This was the place where anything important happened in ancient Rome.

     

After walking thru The Forum, we head over to Palantine Hill. This is where the emperors chose to live and it was once filled with palaces.  It includes the “huts of Romulus and Remus”, the Imperial Palace, the House of Livia and Augustus and a view of Circus Maximus.

   

William:  Are those olive trees?

Me:  Looks like it but I don’t know.

William goes to pull an “olive” off the tree.  Meanwhile, I see Woodrow (Petey the Pigeon’s cousin) picking at food on the ground and he passes right over the “olive”.   Of course, he is getting the side-eye because I haven’t forgotten what Petey did yesterday in Florence.

Me:  Uh, did you just see that pigeon take a bite of one of those “olives” and leave it right there on the ground?  Don’t eat that.

William:  Why not?  I’ll wash it off.  You gotta build up your immune system.

Me:  Really?  You need to follow Woodrow’s lead and keep it moving.

Then, he notices citrus trees that seem to have some sort of fruit like oranges hanging from it.  But, as none of it is hanging low enough for him to get, William has to content himself with the “olive”.

William:  This could keep me from getting scavies.

Me:  What the hell is scavies?  A new hybrid flu of rabies and scurvy?

William takes a bite of the “olive” and discovers that it may not actually be an olive but it’s too nasty to figure out.

Me:  See?  Did I not just tell you that Woodrow was even like, “I’ll pass”.

We leave Palantine Hill and make our way to the Colosseum.

   

The Colosseum is a 2,000 year old building where ancient Romans used to watch gladiators, criminals and wild animals fight to the death.  And, it is one of the most beautiful structures in the world.  I could just sit and stare at it all day.  The first time I saw it, I was overwhelmed…imagine being in a place where people walked thousands of years ago!

Outside the Colosseum, there are “tour guides” prowling around trying to sell you on purchasing some of their time to walk you around and tell you the true little known “facts” about the site.  Since we had already been hustled once that day, we decided to pass and read what Rick had to say.

As we are walking around, we can overhear other tour guides and it occurs to us that we could do this as a side business too.

William:  You know, we could set up our own tour company and give them the “real” experience.

Me:  Yeah, we just need to market it right.

William:  We’ll just be like, “yo son…you wanna know the real deal of why Caesar got shanked?”  And, “This right here is where Jesus told everybody to get their souls right.”

Me:  Really?  We still doing the NY state of mind right now?  And, what are you going to do when you get Mr. I Know My History fact checking you?

William:  Throw him off the tour.  I’ll just say “Were you there?  You don’t know me.  I’m a descendant of Caesar.  He was my great, great, great to the 20th power granddaddy so shut up.”

Me:  *crickets*

William:  *ignoring the crickets*  We can get on the computer and create some tour guide certifications.  Tell them that we majored in “tourification” and we aren’t just some random tour guides off the streets.

Me:  So now we are “tourologists”?  How many of those olives did you eat?  Is this the scavies talking?  Does it cause dementia?

William:  We could even take them into the basement of the Colosseum.

Me:  The basement?  You mean the ground floor where they kept the folks that were about to killed by animals?  That’s closed off.

William:  Exactly.  That’s gonna make our tour hot.  It’s rogue…going where nobody can go.

Me:  Uh huh.  That tour will last 30 seconds.

As we are walking around, we come up with a scheme to offer to take people’s pictures for them so they will take pictures of us.

Me:  Maybe after we take their picture, we tell them it’s €10.  Get our hustle on like the Trojan guy.

William:  I wonder what he does for “Take Your Daughter to Work Day”.

Me:  Probably has her out there hustling too.

As we leave the Colosseum, I am focused on getting back to the entrance to The Forum so I can get my passport back since I left it to secure the audio guide device.  Now, William is all laissez-faire about this as it wasn’t his passport.  He offered up job ideas should I not be able to get back to the U.S. (William:  That tour guide idea is hot.).  We get turned around and I’m looking at the map trying to find the entrance.  As we start walking to the entrance, we come across these “mimes” that paint themselves up and stay as still as a statue.  Some are better than others.  This guy was great!

A couple of meters away from him, we see a duo performing.

William:  Are those Native Americans?

Me:  Uh, I see the feathers on the headdress and I hear the music but I don’t think the Romans stole this from them too.

William:  I’m confused.  Why are they here?

Me:  Outsourcing?

William:  Are they selling cds?

Me:  Everybody got a hustle.  Maybe they are signed to Black Widow Records in Genoa???

We finally get to the entrance of The Forum and as they give me back the passport, I realize that it wasn’t even mine.  It was William’s.  HAHAHAHAHA.  Apparently, we inadvertently switched passports when they were returned to us at the hotel.

Me:  So who is being a mime on the street when they can’t get back to the states now?

William:  You could’ve done tours.

Me:  Well, you know Atlanta is the #1 tourist city in the U.S.

William:  Get out.  Where did you get that statistic from?

Me:  GET OFF MY TOUR!  YOU DON’T KNOW ME!  YOU AIN’T A TOUROLOGIST!  WHERE ARE YOUR PAPERS?  YOU GOT THAT TOURIFICATION CERTIFICATE?  NO?  THEN YOU LEAVE THE STATS TO THE PROFESSIONALS.

William:  You need serious help.

By this time, we are headed towards the Pantheon.

 

Once we arrive, we see non-Italian ethnic groups selling purses and scarves.

William:  You think that is real Prada?

Me:  Is the Prada on Canal Street real?

We go inside the Pantheon, look around and take pictures.  Now it’s time for a gelato break.  Which must occur every few hours or you can get low blood sugar 🙂  After getting my gelato, we walk toward the Trevi Fountain.  People throw coins into the fountain to guarantee a return visit.  The coins are collected to feed Rome’s poor.

 

Then, it was on to the Spanish Steps.

After leaving the Spanish Steps, we walk around the posh shopping district and window shop.  Then we come upon a guy selling nuts…13 for €5.

William:  €5 for 13 nuts with some salt sprinkled on them?  Are they serious?  I can get that at home for $1.50.

Me:  These are special Roman nuts.  You don’t know ‘bout them, son.  They may be like Red Bull and give you wings.

At this point, we are completely exhausted and have to climb 1400 steps to walk back to the hotel.  We end up stopping by St. Peter in Chains Basilica since we didn’t make it to Vatican City.  That was another 1000 steps to climb.  St Peter’s in Chains is where they keep the chains that were used on Peter during his incarceration.

It also hosts Michelangelo’s sculpture of Moses.

On the way back, there was a guy playing typical Italian songs the accordion.  William wanted to get a picture with him.

William:  Uh, he smelled heavily of liquor.

Me:  That’s how rock stars do.  They have to get lit up to rock the stage…or in this instance, the steps.

Afterwards, we go to the hotel to get our bags…which were sitting in the hallway.  What kind of security system is that?  No id, just sitting out for anybody to take.  We were lucky they were there.  The desk clerk is still getting the side-eye as I type this.

Sweet Willy and I are so tired by this point, we suck it up and decide to pay for a taxi to the train station for our 4 hour ride back to Genoa.

Overall, it was a jam-packed weekend but we had a great time and got to see a lot.  Special thanks to Sweet Willy for flying all the way out to Italy for the weekend to keep me company and hang out in the IT.  I had a blast!

Interview with an Expat: Living it up, London-style

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Have you ever dreamed of living abroad in an exotic city?  Maybe you’ve been thinking about it since taking a foreign language course…or maybe you have given it serious thought after a great trip overseas.  An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person’s upbringing (Wikipedia).  I interviewed my favorite expat, Renee Sterling, to give us insight into the intoxicating world of life overseas.  Renee has lived in London for 3 years.  While I was sad to see her move, I was excited for this new phase in her life.  Ironically, I see her now more than I did when we were both living in the same city!  Whenever I am overseas, she makes it a point to meet up with me in whatever fabulous country I’m visiting.  Renee has been the best travel buddy a girl could ask for and has inspired me to move abroad as well 🙂

Q.  What inspired you to move abroad?

A. Really, it was the idea of living in another country and experiencing its culture.  I have always wanted to do this before I settled down and started a family.  It also gives me the opportunity to travel the world.

Q.  How did you decide on London?

A.  I learned that Goldman Sachs was sponsoring a “City Fellowship Program” where it recruits minorities with 2 to 3 years of experience and places them in a Finance or Operations role for 1 year in their London office.  At the time, I felt that this was superb because I would gain great work experience with a global investment bank and if I didn’t like it, I could return home after my 1 year commitment was up.   

Q.  How did you prepare for your move (i.e. visa, what did you do with your car, phone, etc.)?

A.  Prior to moving, I had to considering a number of things.  Such as getting my property rented, selling the furniture from my apartment in Atlanta (the properties are much smaller in Europe and they may not accommodate the large-sized furniture sold in America), sorting out which items to leave behind, organizing my financial documents so that I could set up a bank account, and reaching out to friends who live in London and to ask about areas to live.  Fortunately, I did not have to prepare much with regards to visa because my firm sponsored me.  However, if one wants to move to the UK, one can apply for Tier 1 Visa.  The details and requirements can be obtained from UK Home Border Agency website (Editor’s note:  the Tier 1 General Visa was discontinued as of April 6, 2011 so you will need to apply under a different category).  If you live in Zone 1 – Zone 3 in London, you do not need a car.  It is actually pointless to have a car because there is a daily congestion fee if you drive through the city and parking and gas are expensive.  You are paying gas by the litre! With regards to cell phones, initially I was on a pay as you go plan in the UK.  I did this because I was unsure on whether I would be staying in London.  Once I decided to stay for the long term, I entered into a 2 year contract.  I believe one has to be a resident in the UK for at least 18 months before signing into a contract. 

Q.   What factors should people take into account when considering a move overseas (i.e. job, salary, living conditions, etc.)?

A.  Prior to moving, make sure that you have money set aside to account for property search and consider additional expenses.  In the UK, the tenants pay a council tax.  Additionally, if you have a television and wish to subscribe to cable, you will have to pay a TV license.  (Editor’s note:  You should try to find a job where the company will sponsor your visa and negotiate a salary based on the cost of living in London…not your current cost of living). 

Q.  What’s the best way to go about renting a flat in London?  How do you decide on what area to rent in?

A.  There are a number of ways to go about renting a flat.  When I arrived in London, I was placed with a property locating agency compliments of my firm.  Which was great because the agent was given a budget and she found properties based on my criteria.  You can use estate agencies (which can be costly), websites (such as gumtree or Flatshare), and internal correspondence.  I moved a year ago and the flat that I now live in is from an internal post. The property market in London is in a class by itself.  If you see a flat, you need to get it ASAP.  Also, in order to secure it, you have to pay one week’s rent in advance.  In London, the rent is quoted by the week so do not be deceived.  In addition to paying one week’s rent, you will also have to pay for a background check and, if approved, you will need to make a 6 week deposit.  Assuming it is a respectable estate agent, if you leave the flat in a good place, you will get your money back.  On the other hand, if you go with a private landlord, it may be cheaper but you are not as protected.   

Q.  What’s the best thing about living abroad?

A.  I love living in London because there is always something to do such as catching a show in the West End, attending a musical festival, or checking out an art exhibit.  Additionally, it provides me with opportunities to see the world.  Since I have been there, I have visited so many countries such as Cyprus, Holland, Scotland, Thailand, Italy, Spain, France, Czech Republic, Germany, and Belgium and I still have so many more places that I want to check out.  Lastly, I fell in love with a great guy and we are still together 3 years later.

Q. What’s the worst thing about living abroad?

A.  The worst thing about living abroad is that I miss my friends and family who are unable to see me because it is too far.  While Facebook has allowed us to stay in touch, it is still not the same as sharing these moments in person.

Q.  What’s your advice to people considering a move overseas?

A.  If it is in your heart to move overseas, you should do it! I would definitely say to make sure you have a sizeable budget to account for moving expenses and, if applicable, try to find a job before moving.

Nikki’s Favorite Things: Dublin Edition

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I’ve been to Dublin a couple of times and always find something new to experience.  I love the lush green grass, lively cafes & bars and friendly natives.  I first became interested in Dublin while reading The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning (a series of 5 books focusing on the character of Mackayla Lane, a pampered southern belle from Georgia, who goes to Dublin to find her sister’s killer).  It’s based in the supernatural/urban fantasy genre and a wonderful read.   What I loved about the books is that the author really took chances with the lead character and you were constantly surprised.  Anyway, as I became enthralled with the series, I anticipated seeing the places she referenced.  Below is a list of my favorite places, experiences & things to do in Dublin.

St. Stephens Green Park

    

This has to be one of the most beautiful parks I’ve ever visited.  It was so peaceful and even though a lot of people were about, it was surprisingly quiet.

Grafton Street

   

It’s one of the two principal (pedestrian) shopping streets in Dublin city center (the other being Henry Street).  With high-end shopping and entertainment, in 2008 it was named the fifth most expensive main shopping street in the world (Wikipedia).  As you walk, you will see several street performers (playing blues, rock, or folk music), artists and florists.  All the performers I saw were very good.  Lining the streets are a variety of flower markets.  I wanted to buy a bouquet and walk around with it all day because the smell and colors were wonderful!

Trinity College

 

Trinity College, formally known as the College of the Holy and Undivided Trinity of Queen Elizabeth near Dublin, was founded in 1592 by Queen Elizabeth I as the “mother of a university” (Wikipedia).  The campus is  beautiful.  It was originally a Protestant college.  However, Catholics started attending the school in the 1970s.  Be sure to check out the Book of Kells which is a book containing the 4 Gospels in Latin.  This book was written in calligraphy during the 17th century by 4 monks and richly decorated with inks from the Middle East.  It was actually pretty cool to see how rich the colors still are after all these years.

Queen of Tarts

 

I know I talk about food a lot…especially tea and scones.  Okay, seriously?  The Queen of Tarts is AWESOME!  They have 2 locations very close to each other (and yes, I went to both).  In fact, I went there 4 TIMES in 2 DAYS!  That’s right.  I am not ashamed to admit it.  I love scones and clotted cream.  Clotted cream is like whipped creamy crack.  When I got back to Atlanta, I spent days tracking down a store that imports it and bought 4 jars.  Yep…it just got real, y’all.

Temple Bar district

The Temple Bar district is an arts and entertainment maze of pubs…it’s basically the party district where most of the action is (bars/pubs, outdoor performers, etc.).

To give you a little flavor of what to expect, when I was in Dublin over the summer, my colleague & I went to the Temple Bar district and happened to walk past a pub that had gotten out of control.  It’s 5pm…and these folks are drunk like it’s 2am.  What the hell?  Faces are red, folks are drunk screaming (you know what I mean, “WOOOOO!  THAT WAS F’ING AWESOME, DUDE! I’M GONNA FIGHT LIAM IF HE LOOKS MY WAY AGAIN!”).  It was one of those things where you just start backing away slowly because you didn’t know what was about to happen.  When a guy came out with his face covered in purple/bluish bruises, I knew it was time to go.  So, we keep walking to a different pub.

A colleague that works in the Dublin office recommended we check out a pub in this area.  It was even recommended by Rick Steves.  Sigh.  Maybe it was an off night?  We go in and I noticed the crowd was mostly elderly.  I mean, they were playing ABBA.  Uh, are they Irish?  I didn’t think so.  We take a seat at the bar and order a Guinness.  This pub is on the infamous “pub crawl” which is about to start in 30 minutes or so.  I’m thinking that it will get better.  And, it does.  But for totally different reasons.

1.  Blue Collar So You Think You Can Dance (aka “The BC Onesie Crew) = a group of guys come in dressed in their work clothes.  These work clothes are blue jumpsuits (like adult onesies).  Instead of taking the entire onesie off, they just unzip the top part and tie the arms around the waist.  Clearly they have on clothes underneath (t-shirt & jeans) so I’m not sure why they continue to wear the onesie.  But, they do.  Maybe it doubles as their “clubbing” outfit?  As they are drinking, the onesie slides down a little more…because they are getting crunk.  Guinness is potent y’all.  The Irish jigs start playing and it turns into a juke joint.  I’m like, “the hell is this?”  Next thing I know, they are doing Riverdance and trying to pick up the nearest lady that passes them.  But, not to be outdone…

2.  Irish Kid & Play = that’s right.  However, it really was only Kid because his partner didn’t want to drop it like it’s hot.  In fact, he tried to act like Kid didn’t exist at one point.  Clearly, he didn’t recognize greatness!  So, Kid sees the BC Onesie Crew and was like, “I see your Riverdance, and I will raise you the Michael Jackson Experience.”  Then, the greatest thing happens.  Kid drops his head, raises his right arm, holds his hand up and does the Janet Jackson “Rhythm Nation” countdown, does a pop n lock before hitting us with the full turn and the MJ “Black & White” video scream into the non-existent wind machine.  This happened right in front of me.  I think he is a warlock with tiger blood & Adonis DNA because this was made for the win.  He stops, looks at the BC Onesie Crew and was like, “Checkmate, MFers”.

You know the BC Onesie Crew weren’t going out like that.  It’s time to come out of the onesie now.  They take a long drink of Guinness before pulling out the advanced moves.  Oh yeah, it just got really real, y’all.  They are battling…with Irish jigs playing on the 1s and 2s.  Y’all ain’t ready for this.  So, the BC Onesie Crew raise their arms, do some sort of flapping movement (kind of like Morris Day & The Time’s “The Bird”) with a 2-step salsa and look at Kid like, “take that, take that.”  What?  Not Diddy!  They just came with something they had practiced for the past month.  This was it…their Big Joker.  What they didn’t know was that Kid was going to run a Boston.  He was like, “That’s all you got?”   Then looks at the DJ like, “Kick an old school 13th century beat, maestro!”  He takes his hat off (a la MJ at the Motown 25th anniversary when he performed “Billie Jean”), does the Cabbage Patch, mixes in some country line dancing which transitioned into the moonwalk and finishes off with the robot.  Kid for the win!  Y’all think I’m making this up…but I’m not.  That made my night.  I was like, “Jiggin’ is serious in the Dubs!”  Don’t get caught slippin’ y’all.  You can’t get on Ireland’s Best Dance Crew doing the electric slide.

The fitzwilliam Hotel

 

The fitzwilliam is a 5-star luxury hotel is fabulous and located in the city center right on St. Stephens Green.  It’s one of the most comfortable hotels I’ve stayed in and is within walking distance to Grafton Street, Trinity College, the Temple Bar district, Dublin Castle and the Queen of Tarts.  I would definitely stay there again.

I should also let you know that it has a spa but, um…let me tell you my about my experience and you can decide if you want to do partake of their services.  I should’ve known something was up when the masseuse told me that her massages were “different”.  I just didn’t think anything of it.  That was my first mistake.  The second was telling her that I liked a “deep” touch.  The massage was supposed to be a hybrid Swedish & Aromatherapy.  It starts out fine.  Then I noticed that it started to hurt.  Apparently, she’s got a bit of muscle because she took a “deep touch” to mean that I wanted my subdermis tissue massaged as well.  I deal with it thinking that all my muscles should be nice and loose.  Then…it happened.  I’m lying there all relaxed about to fall asleep and next thing I know, she starts beating me!  With open hands!  Like I stole something from her.  I was like, “Hold up, Ike!  What did I do to you?  Why are you hitting me?”  She responds that “repetitive smacking” motions help break up fatty tissue.  Um, assault and battery help remove cellulite???  The hell?  I thought that she would stop beating me after she finished working on my legs.  I lay my head back down…still a bit rattled but determined to enjoy my massage.  Next thing I know, she’s moved to my buttocks, pulled the sheet down then starts to smack my booty!  I was like, “OH HECKS NAW!”  This whole Chris Brown massage was not working for me.  I had to let her know that she needed to focus on smooth motions and move away from my butt.  That is not where I hold my stress.  Stop beating me like I’m not singing “Proud Mary” right.  Because believe me…this big wheel will keep on rolling.  So, after we realigned expectations, the massage went better.  But, my booty still stung.  I felt like I was a kid again getting a whippin’ from my Dad – which always occurred for no good reason because I was an angel as a child!

Ha’Penny Bridge & the River Liffey

 

Just like the name sounds…there used to be a one and a half pence fee to cross over the River Liffey (which is a river that runs thru the center of town).  I don’t even know how they worked that out to make change.  What I loved most was this note on the pavement as you are crossing…

The Dublin Ghostbus Tour

In one word?  AWESOME!  It was so campy and I loved every minute of it.  But, be ready to suspend belief.  The bus had blackout drapes so it was pitch dark and it was decorated like a Haunted House inside!  OMG, it was fabulous.

Our tour guide was Declan.  He wore all black and talked very dramatic.  Like our lives were on the line.  You could die at any second.  Fun fact…I absolute REFUSE to watch scary movies.  But, stuff like this I think I can handle.  As long as Sammy Terry doesn’t come out of the woodwork.  Then, all bets are off.  Get the Depends because my nerves can’t take it.  But, I digress…Anyway, I felt like Vincent Price would be coming over the loud speakers at any moment.  In fact, our bus music as we drove to different sites was “Thriller”.  Michael Jackson and looking for ghosts?  Winning!  They also played “Ghostbusters” which was cheesy but you know I was screaming out, “WHO YOU GONNA CALL?”  That’s right.  Don’t act like you didn’t just say it with me.  It’s mobile theater & karaoke!

We went to a cemetery that was supposedly haunted.  Declan told us the story of a priest who was tortured then burned to death for refusing to convert from Catholicism to Protestant.  It’s said that his ghost haunts the cemetery.  He also tells us that Bram Stoker went to school in Dublin (at Trinity College) and the legend of Dracula was born here.

We pass different places with cool stories (i.e.  the College of Physicians where we are told of the strange activities of Dr. Clossy, whose spirit is still seen walking the corridors carrying a bucket of human entrails — apparently, he lived at the College and used to have students steal corpses to use as cadavers for teaching them about the human body).

There are a lot of stories (it’s a 2.5 hour tour) but the one that stuck out to me was The Lady in White.  Mostly because it didn’t make any logical sense and I need to understand why things happen.  Declan tells us the story of a beautiful woman who married this wealthy business man.  The man loved her more than the moon and the stars and the sunshine in the sky.  Air wasn’t worth breathing if her sweet breath wasn’t on it.  That kind of thing.  He really amps it up by highlighting how much this man loves this woman…which will be important to remember later on.  So, the morning after their wedding night, the husband reaches over to kiss is wife and finds her body cold.  He assumes she has died and was like, “LAWD NO!  NOT MY SWEET PEA!  HOW AM I GONNA LIVE WITHOUT HER?”.  He has a funeral and insists that his beloved (who I’m going to name Carla) be buried in her wedding dress with her trillion dollar wedding ring.  Nothing is too good for his dead baby boo.  But, Seamus (the guy burying Carla) was like, “oh, I’m gettin’ that ring and then I’m going down to the pub to make it rain”).  After Seamus puts Carla in the crypt, he tries to take the ring off her finger but it won’t come off.  So, he pulls out his pocket knife and tries to saw off her finger.  That’s when Carla wakes up and is like, “Fool, what is wrong with you?!?  You betta back up off me!”  Seamus is like, “OH HELL NAW!” and he runs out.  Comeback Carla is bewildered as to what has happened.  Maybe she thought she took a long nap after all that good lovin’ her baby boo gave her on their wedding night?  Who knows?  Anyway, Comeback Carla leaves the crypt and heads back to her house.  Now, let’s do a quick recap before I get to the end of the story.  Comeback Carla & her husband Richy Rich are so in love.  Carving “CC + RR 4EVA” on every tree they pass.  Because their love is real.  Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby…or so Comeback Carla thought.  After a night of passion, CC appears dead, RR is “devastated” as he buries his beloved boo.  Are we all on the same page?  Good.  Now, when folks die, they are usually buried in a matter of days.  So, while Declan didn’t say specifically, we’ll say a week has passed since RR thought CC died.  Well, CC shows back up at the house and when her husband opens the door, she’s like, “I’m back, baby!  Give me some suga!”  He slams the door in her face.  I’m sure she was like, “I know this fool didn’t just shut that door in my face after I’ve been buried in a crypt with this heavy-ass wedding dress on while walking 3 miles to the house after having some fool try to cut my finger off.  I know that didn’t happen.  RICHY!  OPEN THIS MF’IN DOOR…NOW!”  But, Declan said RR couldn’t accept her.  WHAT?  That doesn’t make any sense.  Why wouldn’t he taker her back?  Did he have a new boo?  Was he just in shock?  It was a week!  What the hell happened?  Did Comeback Carla turn into Bitter Betty?  Was it an episode of “Snapped”?  I was asking questions!  He didn’t have any answers. He just said that RR never took CC back and ended up losing all his money and being buried in a pauper’s grave.  What?  I was like, “you need to work on this story and come up with a more plausible ending, Dec.”  Seriously.  I ended up Googling the story because I needed to know why RR wouldn’t take her back.  Something had to have happened.  There were at least 10 stories about a Lady in White in every city but Dublin.  I’ll let you do draw your own conclusions.

Top 10 Things to do in Paris

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Each time I visit a city, I try to come up with a list of the “top things to do” by reading reviews on Trip Advisor and Rick Steves to plan an unforgettable trip.  The list will contract or expand based upon the amount of time I have.  I always like to mix city/historical tours with off the beaten path activities.  Below is a list my top 10 things to do when visiting the lovely city of Paris.

10.          Take in a Moulin Rouge cabaret show.

The Moulin Rouge cabaret was built in 1889 by Joseph Oller and is close to Montmartre (a must see during a walking tour) in the Paris district of Pigalle on Boulevard de Clichy in the 18th arrondissement (it is marked by the red windmill on its roof).   “The Moulin Rouge is best known as the spiritual birthplace of the modern form of the can-can dance. Originally introduced as a seductive dance by the courtesans who operated from the site, the can-can dance revue evolved into a form of entertainment of its own and led to the introduction of cabarets across Europe.” (Wikipedia).  Today the Moulin Rouge is a tourist destination, offering musical dance entertainment for visitors from around the world.  Be sure to book your tickets in advance as the shows tend to sell out.  I also recommend you watch the 1941 “Moulin Rouge” film starring Josephine Baker as Princess Tam-Tam before you go.

9.            Shop til you drop.  Paris is the place for fashion.  I find myself people-watching just to figure out how I should update my wardrobe.  You can either book a shopping tour (including a Discount Couture tour) or strike out on your own and visit boutiques, street markets or local department stores (Galeries Lafayette, Printemps, Bon Marche).   I picked up an invaluable etiquette tip from my Rick Steve’s “Paris” guidebook:

  • Before you enter a Parisian store, remember the following points:
  • In small stores, always greet the clerk by saying “Bonjour” plus their title (Madame, Mademoiselle, or Monsieur) and say “Au revoir, Madame/Mademoiselle/Monsieur” when leaving.
  • The customer is not always right. In fact, figure the clerk is doing you a favor by waiting on you.
  • Except for in department stores, it’s not normal for the customer to handle clothing. Ask first.
  • Forget returns (and don’t count on exchanges).
  • Saturday afternoons are busiest.
  • Observe French shoppers. Then imitate.
  • Don’t feel obliged to buy. The expression for “window-shopping” in French is faire du lèche-vitrines (literally, “window-licking”).

8.            Get a scoop (or more) from a Berthillion ice cream shop. 

Berthillion Ice Cream shop (photo courtesy of David Monniaux)

Berthillon is a French manufacturer and retailer of luxury ice cream and sorbet.  I first became addicted to their ice cream during the summer of 2010.  Berthillon’s fame results, in part, from its use of natural ingredients, with no chemical preservatives or artificial sweeteners.  Its ice creams are made from only milk, sugar, cream and eggs…just like homemade ice cream.   Their flavors are derived from only natural sources (cocoa, vanilla bean, fruit, etc.). Fifteen flavors are produced everyday by the chefs depending of the season, the availability at the market and customer demand. In total, about sixty different flavors are produced throughout the year.  Try to get there early to have a greater selection of flavors.  Personally, I love the raspberry and chocolate flavors!  Berthillion’s has 3 locations on Ile St. Louis (31 rue St. Louis-en-l’Ile, another across the street, and one more around the corner on rue Bellay).  It’s a perfect stop after visiting the Notre-Dame!

7.            Relax at a café.

There are tons of cafes in Paris and you would be remiss if you didn’t stop in one for a café au lait, croissant or crepe.  I usually like to pop in during the afternoon for a light treat since most restaurants in Paris do not open for dinner until at least 7pm.  Cafes are a perfect place to take a break after a busy day of sightseeing.

6.            Explore the Catacombs. 

The catacombs are an underground ossuary in Paris. Located south of the former city gate (the “Barrière d’Enfer” at today’s Place Denfert-Rochereau), the ossuary holds the remains of about 6 million people and fills a renovated section of caverns and tunnels that are the remains of Paris’ stone mines. Opened in the late 18th century, the underground cemetery became a tourist attraction on a small scale from the early 19th century, and has been open to the public on a regular basis from 1867.  The Catacombs entry is in the western pavilion of Paris’s former Barrière d’Enfer city gate. After descending a narrow spiral stone stairwell of 19 meters to the darkness and silence broken only by the gurgling of a hidden aqueduct channelling local sources away from the area, and after passing through a long (about 1.5 km) and twisting hallway of mortared stone, visitors find themselves before a sculpture that existed from a time before this part of the mines became an ossuary, a model of France’s Port-Mahon fortress created by a former Quarry Inspector. Soon after, they would find themselves before a stone portal, the ossuary entry, with the inscription Arrête, c’est ici l’empire de la Mort (‘Stop, this is the empire of Death’).

Beyond begin the halls and caverns of walls of carefully arranged bones. Some of the arrangements are almost artistic in nature, such as a heart-shaped outline in one wall formed with skulls embedded in surrounding tibias; another is a round room whose central pillar is also a carefully created ‘keg’ bone arrangement. Along the way one would find other ‘monuments’ created in the years before catacomb renovations, such as a source-gathering fountain baptised “La Samaritaine” because of later-added engravings. There are also rusty gates blocking passages leading to other ‘unvisitable’ parts of the catacombs – many of these are either un-renovated or were too un-navigable for regular tours. (Wikipedia).  I first heard about the catacombs when I did the Paris Ghost Tour in September 2011.  I found out there is an entire culture down there!  The “cataphiles” (people who are basically obsessed with the catacombs and very familiar with the layout) have parties, film festivals, concerts, etc.  However, note that you should never try to visit the catacombs without a proper escort/guide…because you will get lost & never find your way out.

5.            Cruise the Seine River.

The Seine is a 482 mile-long river and an important commercial waterway within the Paris Basin in the north of France. It rises at Saint-Seine near Dijon in northeastern France in the Langres plateau, flowing through Paris and into the English Channel at Le Havre (and Honfleur on the left bank).  I suggest taking one of the excursion boats (i.e. Bateaux Mouches) that offer sightseeing tours of the Rive Droite and Rive Gauche within the city of Paris.  I suggest the Champagne Tasting Seine Tour or Night Bike Tour.  It’s a great way to relax and enjoy the city.

 

4.            Take a French cooking class.

There are only so many cathedrals & museums I can visit before I’m ready to do something different.  I love to cook and try out new techniques and recipes.  To that end, I registered for a baking class with Cook’n with Class.  We learned (through hands-on instruction) the proper techniques for making croissants, pain au chocolat, focaccia, pain au raisen, etc.  It was awesome and the chefs are absolutely delightful!  They offer several different classes:  Baking, Classic French Desserts (crème brulee, molten chocolate cake, souflee a Grand Marnier), Macaron (3 different flavors), Morning Market (where you will go to a local market and learn how to select fresh produce & ingredients) and many others.

3.            Visit the Louvre.

I highly suggest you take a couple of hours and tour the Louvre.  It’s massive so you will need to strategize and prioritize what you want to see (i.e. Venus de Milo, Mona Lisa, Egyptian collection, etc.).  If museums aren’t your thing, you still should walk or bike past it to see the magnificent exterior.  It’s absolutely breathtaking at night!

2.            Visit the Eiffel Tower.

Love, love, LOVE the Eiffel Tower.  Built in 1889, it has become both a global icon of France and one of the most recognizable structures in the world. The tower is the tallest building in Paris and the most-visited paid monument in the world; millions of people ascend it every year. Named after its designer, engineer Gustave Eiffel, the tower was built as the entrance arch to the 1889 World’s Fair.  Three hundred workers joined together 18,038 pieces of puddled iron (a very pure form of structural iron), using two and a half million rivets, in a structural design by Maurice Koechlin.  The tower was much criticized by the public when it was built, with many calling it an eyesore. Newspapers of the day were filled with angry letters from the arts community of Paris (Wikipedia).  Which I find interesting as it is now considered one of the most beautiful structures built.  I love to sit and stare at it.  Especially when it lights up at night.  That 5 minute “sparkle” is spectacular!  I highly suggest you buy your tickets online to decrease your wait in line.  The Eiffel Tower’s online reservation system, which lets you skip the ticket line, is up and running (www.toureiffel.fr). At the tower, attendants scan your ticket (which you’ve printed at home or at the hotel) and put you on the first available elevator. Even with a reservation, however, you still have to wait in line with the masses to get from the second level to the summit.

1.                   Walking Tours. Take a bike ride thru the city.

The top thing to do in Paris?  Take a walking or bike tour (or both)!  It’s a great way to see the city and learn the history.

  • For walking tours, I suggest Sight Seekers Delight (tours of the city, Montmartre, & Jewish Tour of Marais for a cost of 35-40 euros), Discover Walks (which offer free 90 minute tours of Notre Dame, the Left Bank, Marais, and Montmartre by native Parisian guides) and the Paris Ghost Tour (a neat tour thru the Jewish Quarter focusing on the myths & legends of Parisian ghosts & hauntings…suspend belief and roll with it), and Paris Chocolate & Pastry Food Tour (which is a walking tour of Paris’ finest chocolate & pastry shops…tastings are included).
  • For bike tours, I suggest Fat Tire Bike Tours.  I’ve taken 3 of their tours in Paris.  They have offices in London, Barcelona and Berlin as well.  All of their tours are phenomenal.  It’s an American company and employs expats to conduct the bike tours in English.  They are a fun way to see a lot of the city in a 4 hour span of time.  They also do a bike tour of Versailles (which is awesome and lasts 8.5 hours).

What to Wear When Travelling Abroad

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Coco1One of the most popular questions asked when getting ready for a trip overseas is “What should I wear?”  I always suggest researching what the locals are wearing (with a few exceptions notated below).  Not solely for aesthetic reasons, but also for safety.  Most pickpockets target tourists.  Looking like you belong goes a long way.  Here are a few suggestions to help you look like a local on your travels abroad.

1.       Dress for the Country/Culture.  Each country has its own style.  Some countries are more lax (the U.S., England, Ireland, Scotland) while others take their fashion seriously (France & Italy).  With the exceptions that I have noted below, you can usually get away with a nice pair of jeans/black pants/skirt and plain shirts/sweaters.  Don’t wear anything outrageous or loud (leave the catsuit at home).

  • Middle East/Egypt/Morocco (& other Islamic countries) = First and foremost, you want to respect the culture of the country you are visiting.  Which means no Daisy Dukes while visiting the Pyramids of Giza in Cairo (and, yes, I have seen it).  Make sure you dress conservatively (covering most of your skin).  Yeah, it may be hot, but you can find breathable and dry-wick fabrics pretty easily.  Trust me; you do not want to stand out in a conservative country.  Women from western countries are viewed as being “loose”, which can invite sexual harassment from the local male population.  By keeping your goodies covered up, you take the attention off of you (and your valuables).  In Morocco, most women (and quite a few men) wear djellabas (a hooded robe).  These can be either heavy or light weight in fabric (according to season).  I didn’t wear one when I was there, but it is definitely an option which will reduce the amount of stares you get.  I tend to buy breathable tunics from Old Navy (most are 3/4 length sleeves), long flowing skirts, loose capris and convertible cargo pants.
  • France/Italy = These 2 fabulous countries are homes to the most famous fashion houses around.  This means they take their fashion seriously.  While the Italians are a bit more accepting, the French will turn their nose up if you walk past them wearing any of the items listed below in #3.
  • You can never go wrong with basic black.  It’s easy to coordinate and you can interchange with stylish accessories (like a scarf or costume jewelry).
  • The French love black, navy and brown.  I suggest using those as your base colors.  You will notice that most of the French will pair up their dark wardrobe with a colorful scarf.  Don’t have one?  Buy one when you get there…it’s a souvenir & fashion accessory all in one.
  • The Italians love color and you can get away with a lot more.  Most of all, it is attitude.
  • Quick everyday tip = Get your clothes tailored.  I noticed that many people look better in clothes that are altered to fit their shape.  I picked this tip up while visiting Paris.  Everybody there looks like a million bucks (or euros) and it really is because their clothes fit impeccably.
  • Spain = The Spanish love color & flowing maxi dresses/skirts.  I also noticed some ladies wearing cowboy boots with shorts but we will pretend like I didn’t see that because I don’t think that’s a good look personally (I like to call that seasonal dyslexia).
  • England/Ireland/Scotland/Holland/Czech Republic/Switzerland/Scandinavia = Pretty much anything goes.  I can’t say that I have seen a huge difference in what they wear vs. the U.S. (with the exception of the “don’ts” listed below).  A popular look during the summer of 2011 was shorts with tights & Chuck Taylors (*shudders*).  Don’t emulate that.  Hopefully that was a 1 season only look.LBD

2.      Dress for the Season.  Be sure to check the weather before you go.  Weather Underground is a good resource.  I have typically found that you will need to dress in layers no matter when you travel abroad.  A light jacket, colorful scarves, stylish cardigans/sweater coats are a must for spring, summer & fall.  Going in the winter?  Bring along a warm coat, some snazzy boots & a cute hat/scarf/glove combo.   I had left my puffer coat at home during a winter trip to Milan…only to realize that everybody (and I do mean everybody) was wearing one.  First and foremost, you want to be warm.  Don’t take an unlined peacoat when visiting Finland in the dead of winter.  Your health trumps fashion.  Plus, you will stand out as not knowing how to dress properly for cold weather 🙂  ExOfficio is now offering a snazzy sweater jacket that doubles as a travel pillow when folded.  This jacket is so cozy & warm!  I recently wore it during a winter trip and fell in love with it.  The jacket packs very easily, is super soft AND rain-resistant as well as keeping you warm & toasty.  This is now my go-to jacket both here and abroad!

coco3

3.       DO NOT WEAR…

  • Baseball caps!  If you want to protect your head & face from the harsh sun, opt for a stylish wide-brimmed hat (during the summer) or cloche/fedora (during the winter). Baseball caps scream tourist. Don’t bring your favorite sporting team to France unless you are actually on the team, k?
  • Baseball/Football Jerseys, High School/College T-shirts, etc.  Do I really even to explain why wearing a baseball or football jersey is a no-no? Again, you don’t want to stand out as a tourist for pickpockets. T-shirts are fine if they are plain or have a cool graphic. Bottom line, you want to look nice…not like you are getting ready to workout. If you just don’t think you can survive without wearing sporting apparel, buy a soccer/rugby jersey. You can fit in and it will be a conversation starter.
  • Fanny-packs!  Seriously…just no.  It’s not cute.  Tell your mother to leave it at home with the rest of the 80’s attire.  I don’t even know how this item became popular.  Never carry your money and valuables in a waist contraption that is easily seen.  You are begging a pickpocket to take a knife, cut the strap and steal it from you.  Use a money belt instead.  It’s similar to your beloved fanny-pack; it just goes under your shirt/waist of your pants instead so it will not be seen.  This protects your valuables from curious onlookers.
  • Expensive jewelry/bags!  A pickpocket will tackle you to steal your Rolex or Louis Vuitton.  Leave your valuables at home.
  • White sneakers???  I have actually seen quite a few locals wearing sneakers (though not usually white) around London & Paris.  My preference is to bring a pair of running shoes (as I like to workout during my trips abroad…even running races like the Paris-Versailles 10K) as well as a comfortable & stylish walking shoe (i.e. Hush Puppies, Mephisto, Clarks) that can transition into an evening shoe. I highly recommend walking shoes that have a rubber sole to minimize the impact of walking on cobblestones.  I love the Hush Puppies Sonnet flat which you can buy at Macy’s for almost half of what it retails for at other locations as well as the Makena Ballerina shoe.  Bottom line is to wear a shoe that you will be comfortable walking in for hours at a time.

Emma

4.       Must Haves.

  • Light jacket/cardigan/wrap = If you plan to wear tanks or sleeveless tops during the summer, be sure to bring something to cover your shoulders when visiting a place of worship.  You will not be allowed to enter with shoulders (and sometimes legs) exposed.  I bought Magellan’s Sun Protection Wrap for my recent trip to Morocco and fell in love.  So soft and it provides the necessary protection (both arms and head) when you enter places of worship.  I even wear it around at home.
  • Secure purse/money belt = I have been using a PacSafe purse (stylish & secure) to carry around my valuables, guidebook, umbrella & bottled water for a couple of years now and it is awesome.  Highly recommend!  The shoulder straps are reinforced with steel so it cannot be cut and the zippers lock into place.  It will take a pickpocket a few minutes to figure out how to gain access to your valuables.
  • Comfortable walking shoes = As I stated above, cobblestones can be harsh on your feet.  A stylish rubber-soled shoe will save your tootsies!
  • Dark colored pants & skirt = Use these as your base pieces.  Dark colors camouflage stains & are great to pair with funky accessories.

MM

5.     Handy resources.  Here are a few websites that focus on travel-related items:  While ExOfficio & Magellans offer stylish options, you can certainly find great travel clothing from cheaper stores (i.e. Old Navy, Target, etc.).

While these tips may not prevent you from being identified as a tourist, it will keep your bag lighter and you safer.  Hope it helps!  Safe travels.  Do you have any travel fashion tips?  If so, please comment as I’m always looking for a fresh perspective!

Also check out my posts on Nikki’s Favorite Things: Fashion Accessories and Essentials for Stress-Free Travel.

The Secret World of Pompeii

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Okay, y’all ain’t ready for this.  I wasn’t ready.  As you know, I like to give you a little flavor along with the history of the sites I visit.  Well, when our tour guide gave us the background on what life was really like in Pompeii before it was destroyed, it was like I was listening to “E True Hollywood Story: Pompeii”.  There is just so much.

First, the excavation site was visually more stunning than I expected.  Second, I was amazed that so many ancient homes were still somewhat intact.  I can’t even imagine my house being around thousands of years from now.

As we are walking, the guide tells us about the people of Pompeii.  I’m listening kind of lazily while taking pictures.  I mean, I’d just hiked up a volcano so my attention span was on a downward spiral.  Anyway, the guide says a series of things that capture and hold my interest for the rest of the day.

1.            Pompeii had an open sewer.  That’s right; Pompeii’s theme song was “Funkytown”.  I know…I couldn’t really believe it either.  I had to ask for clarification because it just seemed too nasty to be real.  Feces and urine would run down the streets and they would wait for the rain to wash it away.  Sorry for you if it happened to be a dry month.  You can see in this picture that there are huge stones that the people would use to cross the street (I like to call it “Doo Doo Crossing”) so they wouldn’t have to step in that crap (you know they only wore sandals which meant if they stepped in it, then they got the full effect).  I am sure that folks inevitably fell off the stones.  Maybe that is where the saying “Oh, sh*t!” came from?

2.            The rich folks in Pompeii were pompous.  Apparently, the good citizens of Funkytown liked to show off their wealth.  When you went over to Titus’s house, he had his treasure chest open on the front table so you could see how rich he was.  Also, they had a tiled mosaic of a big dog with “beware of dog” (in Latin) in the foyer.  So, basically, they invited you over and said, “Hey, look at all my money…but don’t try to take it because Fido will kill you.  More wine?”  This was well before the time of Occupy Pompeii Street.

  

3.            Pompeii was full of freaks.  Apparently, Pompeii was where the party was at.  They had 80 bars and 25 brothels.  With the open sewer.  I am not able to get past the open sewer so let’s just address that now.  It’s gonna come up…often.  Anyway, the freaks did come out at night and they were doing things that Rick James couldn’t even dream of.  Modern Pompeii is full of people selling erotic calendars, statues, playing cards, etc (see below).  Now, I originally thought these sexual position scenes may have been their version of “art” back then.  But, the guide pointed out that they posted these scenes in the bedrooms of the whorehouses as a “menu of services” (just like McDonald’s).  You know I was looking to see what the “goings on” were (purely for research purposes only).  You ain’t ready for that.  A menu of sexual services.  Seriously.  After getting your drank on at one of the 80 bars then crossing and falling into the open sewer, you go over to Octavia’s and ask for a #3.  Love it.

 

4.            Funk is a theme.  Now, the good people of Pompeii didn’t have bath tissue back then so they had to make do.  The lower caste folks would just wipe their booty with the left hand and eat with the right (they didn’t have forks or spoons back then which means they really needed both hands).  The rich folks would use a communal sea sponge for the family.  I’m gonna let that marinate for a minute.  Imagine you and your family all using the same sponge to wipe after doing #2.  I guess if they can deal with the open sewers, they can deal with a communal sponge.  They also used urine to bleach their clothes.  Really?  My dog would love that.

5.            They had cafes!  We found these bars with counters.  People would come in during the day and have bread and wine.  They paid their money and would sit at tables to socialize.  I never imagined an ancient civilization with marble counters!

 

It broke my heart to see the castes of the human & canine remains that were preserved from the lava and ash.  You can see the remains below of a man, dog and slave.

  

Overall, Pompeii was fascinating!  I highly recommend a visit if you ever plan to be in the Naples or Sorrento area.