Tag: International Travel

Nikki’s Nest: Monte-Carlo Bay Hotel & Resort (Monte-Carlo, Monaco)

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My Mom and I stayed at the Monte-Carlo Bay Hotel & Resort in January 2010.  The resort has a casino, gym (with free personal trainers) and a spa.  While it is not on the main drag, it’s within walking distance to most of the attractions.  When you arrive, you feel like you are special…because for what the rooms cost, you should be 🙂  If you feel like splurging, I highly recommend staying at this hotel.  If not (and honestly, it’s cheaper to stay in Nice and take the 30 minute bus over for the day), I’d recommend you visit this hotel for the Cinq Mondes spa.  I guarantee you will not be disappointed. 

Rates & Promotions

I’m not going to lie…like everything else in Monte-Carlo, the Monte-Carlo Bay Hotel & Resort is expensive. Rates in the low season run around 276 Euro/$369 per night for a Superior Room (326 Euro/$463 per night for an Exclusive Room).  High season (May – August) is about 377 Euro/$504 per night for a Superior Room (485 Euro/$649 per night for an Exclusive Room).  This usually does not include meals (the continental breakfast cost me 35 Euro).  The hotel has special offers that focus on gourmet experiences, Monte-Carlo nightlife and the annual Monte-Carlo Grand Prix.

Room numbers are located on the floor (not on the wall or door).

Rooms & Suites

The resort offers 6 types of Rooms & Suites (3 Rooms and 3 Suites).  The 3 Rooms offered are the Superior Room (city view), Exclusive Room (sea view) and the Prestige Room (sea view).   The 3 Suites offered are the Duplex Suite, Exclusive Suite and Top Roof Suite.  We stayed in the Superior Room and it was wonderful.  The room was very comfortable, spacious and cozy.  It’s tempting not to leave the room at all!

    

Fitness Center

The resort has a small gym with personal trainers on-site.  The equipment was fairly new, bottled water & towels were provided.  And, if you had the time, you could take advantage of the free personal training.  I was able to do a 45 minute run and strength training without having to wait on a machine.

The Cinq Mondes Spa

My absolute favorite thing about Monte Carlo?  THE CINQ MONDES SPA!  OMG, this place is heaven on earth.  Seriously.  The purpose of our visit to Monte-Carlo was to gamble & spend a day at the spa.  We lost at the casino but the spa more than made up for it. 

I’ve been to countless spas in the U.S. and abroad and this has to be the absolute best in my opinion.  We started out in the hammam to relax prior to our spa services.  

My first service was the “Aromas & Flowers Japanese Bath” — and it was the most fabulous thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.  It was like Christmas!  

The Japanese Bath is essentially a big wooden tub that traps heat so the water never gets cold.  You step into a tub of very warm water, then aromatherapy oils are poured in the water.  Once that is complete, rose petals are sprinkled on top of you.  Then, the masseuse places a pillow under your neck and proceeds to give you a scalp and neck massage.  Afterwards, you are left alone for about 15 minutes to relax.  Later, the masseuse brings you peach tea, honey and dried fruit to snack on while you relax in the bath.  Did I mention that the water never gets cold?  OMG, this was HEAVEN!  I do not think I will be able to replicate this in my own tub with some Calgon & Lipton.  My next home needs a relaxation room like this.

After the Japanese Bath, I had the Oriental Massage which was basically me laying on hot towels while being massaged with warm oils.  Total bliss.  Once the services were over, I was taken to the “Relaxation Room” to recline with some peach tea & honey.  I would go back to Monte-Carlo just for the spa.  It was just that fabulous.

Not sure what to do when you visit Monte-Carlo?  Check out Visit Monaco’s website for the latest news on upcoming events and recommended attractions.

 Nikki’s Rating: 5 (Absolutely Wonderful)

Rating Scale 1-5 (1 = GET OUT NOW; 2 = Seriously?; 3 = Eh, it’ll do; 4 = Fabulous; 5 = Absolutely Wonderful)

Walk Like an Egyptian…

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“Naharak Saeed” (“Good Day”) from Egypt!  I struggled with how I would blog about my visit.  Egypt is complex, a bit schizophrenic & absolutely breathtaking.  I’ve been waiting my entire life to visit this magnificent place.  In one day, I found myself in awe of the great works that were achieved thousands of years ago…and then repulsed by current conditions.  As always, I’m planning to keep it real so you are going to get Egypt straight with no chaser.  I hope you are ready!

I read several books on Egypt in order to educate myself on the history & culture of the country.  The history of the pharaohs can get a bit complicated so I’ll try to simplify it as best I can.  I am going to give you a quick background so that you will understand my reaction to certain situations I recount later.

BACKGROUND

Religion

Islam is the official religion of Egypt (with about 90% of the people being Sunni Muslim) which means that it’s a pretty conservative country.  Women must cover up (long sleeves and pants even in the HOT sun) and drinking and gambling in public are frowned upon.  That already puts me out of the mix as I don’t like to be wearing a lot of clothes when it’s hot and how am I supposed to hit the jackpot without a cool alcoholic beverage to clear my mind?   However, I believe in trying to live like a local so I wore long pants and a long sleeved shirt (and reserved my drinking for home).

Gender Issues

I read an article a couple of years ago which focused on Egypt having a high rate of sexual harassment.  The article stated that Egyptian men think western women are “loose” (since we drink and wear tank tops).  If you expose a lot of skin, the men think this is an “invitation” and may expose their genitalia as an offer for sex.  Recently, I read an article on “Using social media tools to battle sexual harassment in Egypt” by Rima Abdelkader, NBC News which said “The Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights in Cairo called harassment in Egypt a ‘dangerous social cancer’ in a survey in 2008. The survey reported that 98 percent of foreign women were sexually harassed and 83 percent of Egyptian women experienced harassment throughout Egypt.”   I don’t know why the men just don’t import some of those erotic calendars from Pompeii.  They may not have access to the internet but they can certainly carry those calendars around to satisfy their lust.  I found them in a pocket-size version.  A little something for freaks on the go.

My guidebook also recommended that women not look a man directly in the eye as it is seen as an “invitation”.  That was hard for me because I am used to looking people in the eye as a show of respect (plus it shows that I’m listening to you).  If my eyes drift…so has my mind.  I’m not saying it’s right, it’s just how it is.  I think I suffer from adult ADD.  Anyway, I made sure to wear sunglasses the majority of the time because I didn’t want men thinking I’m soliciting them for sex.  But, um…there were some really good-looking men in Egypt 🙂

I also observed a man offer 5 camels to buy a woman from the man that she was with.  Apparently, in Egypt, camels are currency & women are commodities.  So, you could be walking along the Nile River and Ahkbar could just come up and be like, “I’ll give you 7 camels for Betty.”  It happens.  Better hope your boo doesn’t owe too much to Bank of America because you may be making papyrus on the Nile.

Environmental, Health & Safety Issues

We were told COUNTLESS times not to drink the water or eat any uncooked food.  While this is what you hear whenever you go to Mexico, it’s on a whole new level in Egypt.  I will cover this in more detail in the next post on Cairo (as that is when it really hit home).  This was the most shocking and disappointing aspect to the trip.

Poverty

Egypt has a 50% unemployment rate.  I will touch upon this issue in the next blog post since it has not only a rural impact but a major urban one as well.  This is where “hustlin’” was born.  I thought it was bad in the Dominican Republic.  They are amateurs compared to the Egyptians.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  There has been a lot of governmental corruption so be prepared for me to get on my soap box. 

What is Egypt like?  I think the answer is different for each person.  It’s all in what you make of it.  If you love history (like me) then you will be able to see past the crazy, absurd and disappointing to focus on the beauty of this African country.  So, let’s get started! 

ALEXANDRIA

We arrived in Alexandria around 6am…just in time to see the sun rise.  I could hardly sleep the night before in anticipation for what I’d get to see.  The first thing I notice as we pull into port is that the water in the harbor is dirty and there are sunken ships (which were actually pretty cool).  

Alexandria is the capital where Cleopatra ruled from 51-30 BC.  The city was named for Alexander the Great when he conquered Egypt from the Persians.   The story of Cleopatra is fascinating.  One thing I did not realize is that she was a descendant of Greeks (Ptolemy, who was a general of Alexander the Great).  Cleo was highly educated (she spoke 8 languages) and hard core (she killed her sister in order to have the throne).  A big thing back in the day was for sisters and brothers to marry each other and procreate in order to keep the royal bloodline going.  Of course, this resulted in genetic deformities and poor health for the offspring (see the latest article on the DNA testing of King Tut) as well as a touch of the crazy.  Anyway, Cleo was married off to her brother (Ptolemy XIII aka “P13”) but she was like, “this is gross and I’m out.” So, she ended up falling out with him and Julius Caesar had to resolve the conflict of who should rule Egypt.  P13 thought he could outsmart his sister and keep her from using her charms to get Caesar to rule in her favor.  But, he underestimated her.  Where there is a will, there is a way.  Cleo had herself rolled up in a carpet and was taken right past her brother’s guards in the palace to Caesar.   She put her charms on, was granted the right to rule Egypt and made Caesar her first baby-daddy.

After Caesar was killed (“et tu, Brutus?” is one of my favorite lines), Cleo put her charms on Marc Antony and had 3 kids by him.  Marc ended up living in Alexandria and boozing it up.  When he was defeated by Octavian (Caesar’s heir to the Roman throne and his rival), he was told that Cleo was dead.  So, he killed himself.  Cleo actually wasn’t dead and when she found out Marc had committed suicide and she had lost the throne to Egypt, she killed herself by having a deadly snake, an asp, bite her.  It’s so tragic.  Her kids ended up being taken to Rome where the boys were killed so they wouldn’t pose a threat to Octavian but her daughter, Cleopatra Selene, was allowed to live and ended up becoming the Queen of Mauretania.

     

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Rome in a Day…the Remix

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It’s my second trip to Rome and I am eager to share the experience with my friend, William (aka “Sweet Willy” because he’s just so darn cute).  We arrive at the Roma Termini station and walk about 15 minutes to our hotel.  As we are walking:

William:  Did you just see that car?

Me:  What?

William:  The General Lee Smart Car…did you just see that?

Me:  I have no idea what you are talking about.  I’m looking at hotel signs.

William:  We have to go back so I can take a picture because nobody will believe this.

*we walk back to take the picture*

William:  That’s nice.  An eco-friendly racist.

Me:  Really Rome?  That’s what’s hot in the streets?  Did we just time travel to the mid-80s?  Bo & Luke can’t jump into a little ass Smart Car.  Cooter doesn’t know how to fix this!  He’s got 3 wrenches and an oil can.   Did Daisy give up the Jeep and start taking public transportation?  Uncle Jesse and I can’t take all this.  It’s too much.

We finally leave the Italian General Lee and find our hotel.  Upon check-in, I ask if we can store our bags the next day while we are sightseeing.

Me:  Can we store our bags after we check-out in the morning?

Buddy:  For how long?

Me:  Just a few hours.

Desk Clerk:  How many bags do you have?

Me:  [thinking *Man, what is the problem?  You can either store the bags or not.  Isn’t that standard service at a hotel?* but New Nikki responded] 4

Desk Clerk:  *long sigh & acting put upon* I guess

Me & William: *side-eye*

After we get settled in the room, we decide not to go out since we needed to be up early to do a lot of sightseeing.  So, William does some work and I turn on the tv and see this program called “Il Canto”.  Y’all ain’t ready for Il Canto.  It’s like American Idol + America’s Got Talent + So You Think You Can Dance + Top Chef + Project Runway + The Bachelor.  The program is like 6 hours long with people of all ages, group sings, dancing, judging, and guest appearances.  I still don’t know what it was.  There was this kid who looked to be maybe 12 and I think he won his part of the singing competition (but who knows because it was like he was there in concert or something).  You could not tell him that he wasn’t a star.  He had hand gestures, facial expressions and teeth spaced about an inch apart.

Me:  Wow, I can’t take it.  He is doing runs like he’s Mariah.

William:  You know he just got beat up backstage.

Me:  Why?

William:  Too nerdy.  He can sing…but once he leaves the stage, Giuseppe is waiting there with the beat down to take his lunch money.  If he was in NY, they would just roll up on you like, “yo son, that’s a nice coat.  What size is that?  A small?  Really?  That’s just my size.  You can give it to me or I’ma take it.  It’s on you, B.”

A little later:

Me:  Did that little girl just sing an R. Kelly song?

William:  You can’t keep Kells down.  I wonder what the legal age of consent is here?

Then, we decided to make-up translations to the interviews since we couldn’t understand what they were saying.  When the host was interviewing a sound guy after some little kid did a horrible rendition of Aretha’s “RESPECT”, we translated it as follows:

Me (as the host, Bruno):  Silvio, what did you think of little Pashmina singing “RESPECT”.  Did you find out what it meant to her?  And, did she take out the ECT?

William (as the sound guy, Silvio):  Bruno, she sucked.  And, this show has run into my overtime so you know you are paying me time and a half, right?  This ain’t a telethon.

Me:  Silv, don’t worry about the OT.  Clearly you need the money because those skinny pink jeans ain’t doing you no favors.  Now get back on the soundboard and make sure my mic sounds nice.

After two hours of Il Canto, the Sleep Monster got us and it was a wrap.

…

We get up, have breakfast and check-out to start our self-guided “Rome in a Day” power sightseeing tour.  We start off by going to The Forum and see a guy dressed up as a Trojan.

William:  Where are Trojans from?

Me:  Trojania?

The Trojan asks if we want to take a picture so we oblige…

 

…then, as William is pulling out some coins to tip, Mr. Trojan was like, “That’s gonna be €10.”  After looking startled, we realized we just got hustled.  By a man in a costume.  Chuck E Cheese doesn’t charge you for pictures!  Of course, Chuck just walks around leering at you so I guess you have to pick your poison.  Yes, I have issues with Chuck.  Don’t judge me 🙂

It’s the start of the day and we are trying to be positive.  We pay for the Roma Pass (which is a smart buy for sightseeing in Rome) then pick up an audio guide and a map.  The Roman Forum really is spectacular with all the ancient remnants.  However, it only has fragments of buildings & statues so it’s hard to know what is what.  The map was even more confusing.  The numbers didn’t correspond to the information boards outside some of the sites.  Then, we attempted to use the audio guide.

William:  I think we are at site 7.

Me:  Okay, push play and let’s see.

[The audio guide has a British man giving a 20 minute soliloquy about columns and statues and if you look into the sun you can see Caesar or something we cannot find for the life of us.  It almost felt like we had a learning disability because the sites are numbered so any 2-year-old should be able to do this.]

William:  What is he talking about?

Me:  I don’t know.  I thought you knew.

William:  No!  And, he is still talking.  It’s been what?  45 minutes?  Why can’t he just give an executive summary and say, “to your left is an arch, now turn your ass around and walk?”

Me:  Really?  That’s how they do in New York?  You have ADD.

In the end, we used Rick Steve’s Italy guidebook and just took pictures.  The Roman Forum was ancient Rome’s birthplace and civic center.  This was the place where anything important happened in ancient Rome.

     

After walking thru The Forum, we head over to Palantine Hill. This is where the emperors chose to live and it was once filled with palaces.  It includes the “huts of Romulus and Remus”, the Imperial Palace, the House of Livia and Augustus and a view of Circus Maximus.

   

William:  Are those olive trees?

Me:  Looks like it but I don’t know.

William goes to pull an “olive” off the tree.  Meanwhile, I see Woodrow (Petey the Pigeon’s cousin) picking at food on the ground and he passes right over the “olive”.   Of course, he is getting the side-eye because I haven’t forgotten what Petey did yesterday in Florence.

Me:  Uh, did you just see that pigeon take a bite of one of those “olives” and leave it right there on the ground?  Don’t eat that.

William:  Why not?  I’ll wash it off.  You gotta build up your immune system.

Me:  Really?  You need to follow Woodrow’s lead and keep it moving.

Then, he notices citrus trees that seem to have some sort of fruit like oranges hanging from it.  But, as none of it is hanging low enough for him to get, William has to content himself with the “olive”.

William:  This could keep me from getting scavies.

Me:  What the hell is scavies?  A new hybrid flu of rabies and scurvy?

William takes a bite of the “olive” and discovers that it may not actually be an olive but it’s too nasty to figure out.

Me:  See?  Did I not just tell you that Woodrow was even like, “I’ll pass”.

We leave Palantine Hill and make our way to the Colosseum.

   

The Colosseum is a 2,000 year old building where ancient Romans used to watch gladiators, criminals and wild animals fight to the death.  And, it is one of the most beautiful structures in the world.  I could just sit and stare at it all day.  The first time I saw it, I was overwhelmed…imagine being in a place where people walked thousands of years ago!

Outside the Colosseum, there are “tour guides” prowling around trying to sell you on purchasing some of their time to walk you around and tell you the true little known “facts” about the site.  Since we had already been hustled once that day, we decided to pass and read what Rick had to say.

As we are walking around, we can overhear other tour guides and it occurs to us that we could do this as a side business too.

William:  You know, we could set up our own tour company and give them the “real” experience.

Me:  Yeah, we just need to market it right.

William:  We’ll just be like, “yo son…you wanna know the real deal of why Caesar got shanked?”  And, “This right here is where Jesus told everybody to get their souls right.”

Me:  Really?  We still doing the NY state of mind right now?  And, what are you going to do when you get Mr. I Know My History fact checking you?

William:  Throw him off the tour.  I’ll just say “Were you there?  You don’t know me.  I’m a descendant of Caesar.  He was my great, great, great to the 20th power granddaddy so shut up.”

Me:  *crickets*

William:  *ignoring the crickets*  We can get on the computer and create some tour guide certifications.  Tell them that we majored in “tourification” and we aren’t just some random tour guides off the streets.

Me:  So now we are “tourologists”?  How many of those olives did you eat?  Is this the scavies talking?  Does it cause dementia?

William:  We could even take them into the basement of the Colosseum.

Me:  The basement?  You mean the ground floor where they kept the folks that were about to killed by animals?  That’s closed off.

William:  Exactly.  That’s gonna make our tour hot.  It’s rogue…going where nobody can go.

Me:  Uh huh.  That tour will last 30 seconds.

As we are walking around, we come up with a scheme to offer to take people’s pictures for them so they will take pictures of us.

Me:  Maybe after we take their picture, we tell them it’s €10.  Get our hustle on like the Trojan guy.

William:  I wonder what he does for “Take Your Daughter to Work Day”.

Me:  Probably has her out there hustling too.

As we leave the Colosseum, I am focused on getting back to the entrance to The Forum so I can get my passport back since I left it to secure the audio guide device.  Now, William is all laissez-faire about this as it wasn’t his passport.  He offered up job ideas should I not be able to get back to the U.S. (William:  That tour guide idea is hot.).  We get turned around and I’m looking at the map trying to find the entrance.  As we start walking to the entrance, we come across these “mimes” that paint themselves up and stay as still as a statue.  Some are better than others.  This guy was great!

A couple of meters away from him, we see a duo performing.

William:  Are those Native Americans?

Me:  Uh, I see the feathers on the headdress and I hear the music but I don’t think the Romans stole this from them too.

William:  I’m confused.  Why are they here?

Me:  Outsourcing?

William:  Are they selling cds?

Me:  Everybody got a hustle.  Maybe they are signed to Black Widow Records in Genoa???

We finally get to the entrance of The Forum and as they give me back the passport, I realize that it wasn’t even mine.  It was William’s.  HAHAHAHAHA.  Apparently, we inadvertently switched passports when they were returned to us at the hotel.

Me:  So who is being a mime on the street when they can’t get back to the states now?

William:  You could’ve done tours.

Me:  Well, you know Atlanta is the #1 tourist city in the U.S.

William:  Get out.  Where did you get that statistic from?

Me:  GET OFF MY TOUR!  YOU DON’T KNOW ME!  YOU AIN’T A TOUROLOGIST!  WHERE ARE YOUR PAPERS?  YOU GOT THAT TOURIFICATION CERTIFICATE?  NO?  THEN YOU LEAVE THE STATS TO THE PROFESSIONALS.

William:  You need serious help.

By this time, we are headed towards the Pantheon.

 

Once we arrive, we see non-Italian ethnic groups selling purses and scarves.

William:  You think that is real Prada?

Me:  Is the Prada on Canal Street real?

We go inside the Pantheon, look around and take pictures.  Now it’s time for a gelato break.  Which must occur every few hours or you can get low blood sugar 🙂  After getting my gelato, we walk toward the Trevi Fountain.  People throw coins into the fountain to guarantee a return visit.  The coins are collected to feed Rome’s poor.

 

Then, it was on to the Spanish Steps.

After leaving the Spanish Steps, we walk around the posh shopping district and window shop.  Then we come upon a guy selling nuts…13 for €5.

William:  €5 for 13 nuts with some salt sprinkled on them?  Are they serious?  I can get that at home for $1.50.

Me:  These are special Roman nuts.  You don’t know ‘bout them, son.  They may be like Red Bull and give you wings.

At this point, we are completely exhausted and have to climb 1400 steps to walk back to the hotel.  We end up stopping by St. Peter in Chains Basilica since we didn’t make it to Vatican City.  That was another 1000 steps to climb.  St Peter’s in Chains is where they keep the chains that were used on Peter during his incarceration.

It also hosts Michelangelo’s sculpture of Moses.

On the way back, there was a guy playing typical Italian songs the accordion.  William wanted to get a picture with him.

William:  Uh, he smelled heavily of liquor.

Me:  That’s how rock stars do.  They have to get lit up to rock the stage…or in this instance, the steps.

Afterwards, we go to the hotel to get our bags…which were sitting in the hallway.  What kind of security system is that?  No id, just sitting out for anybody to take.  We were lucky they were there.  The desk clerk is still getting the side-eye as I type this.

Sweet Willy and I are so tired by this point, we suck it up and decide to pay for a taxi to the train station for our 4 hour ride back to Genoa.

Overall, it was a jam-packed weekend but we had a great time and got to see a lot.  Special thanks to Sweet Willy for flying all the way out to Italy for the weekend to keep me company and hang out in the IT.  I had a blast!

Interview with an Expat: Living it up, London-style

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Have you ever dreamed of living abroad in an exotic city?  Maybe you’ve been thinking about it since taking a foreign language course…or maybe you have given it serious thought after a great trip overseas.  An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person’s upbringing (Wikipedia).  I interviewed my favorite expat, Renee Sterling, to give us insight into the intoxicating world of life overseas.  Renee has lived in London for 3 years.  While I was sad to see her move, I was excited for this new phase in her life.  Ironically, I see her now more than I did when we were both living in the same city!  Whenever I am overseas, she makes it a point to meet up with me in whatever fabulous country I’m visiting.  Renee has been the best travel buddy a girl could ask for and has inspired me to move abroad as well 🙂

Q.  What inspired you to move abroad?

A. Really, it was the idea of living in another country and experiencing its culture.  I have always wanted to do this before I settled down and started a family.  It also gives me the opportunity to travel the world.

Q.  How did you decide on London?

A.  I learned that Goldman Sachs was sponsoring a “City Fellowship Program” where it recruits minorities with 2 to 3 years of experience and places them in a Finance or Operations role for 1 year in their London office.  At the time, I felt that this was superb because I would gain great work experience with a global investment bank and if I didn’t like it, I could return home after my 1 year commitment was up.   

Q.  How did you prepare for your move (i.e. visa, what did you do with your car, phone, etc.)?

A.  Prior to moving, I had to considering a number of things.  Such as getting my property rented, selling the furniture from my apartment in Atlanta (the properties are much smaller in Europe and they may not accommodate the large-sized furniture sold in America), sorting out which items to leave behind, organizing my financial documents so that I could set up a bank account, and reaching out to friends who live in London and to ask about areas to live.  Fortunately, I did not have to prepare much with regards to visa because my firm sponsored me.  However, if one wants to move to the UK, one can apply for Tier 1 Visa.  The details and requirements can be obtained from UK Home Border Agency website (Editor’s note:  the Tier 1 General Visa was discontinued as of April 6, 2011 so you will need to apply under a different category).  If you live in Zone 1 – Zone 3 in London, you do not need a car.  It is actually pointless to have a car because there is a daily congestion fee if you drive through the city and parking and gas are expensive.  You are paying gas by the litre! With regards to cell phones, initially I was on a pay as you go plan in the UK.  I did this because I was unsure on whether I would be staying in London.  Once I decided to stay for the long term, I entered into a 2 year contract.  I believe one has to be a resident in the UK for at least 18 months before signing into a contract. 

Q.   What factors should people take into account when considering a move overseas (i.e. job, salary, living conditions, etc.)?

A.  Prior to moving, make sure that you have money set aside to account for property search and consider additional expenses.  In the UK, the tenants pay a council tax.  Additionally, if you have a television and wish to subscribe to cable, you will have to pay a TV license.  (Editor’s note:  You should try to find a job where the company will sponsor your visa and negotiate a salary based on the cost of living in London…not your current cost of living). 

Q.  What’s the best way to go about renting a flat in London?  How do you decide on what area to rent in?

A.  There are a number of ways to go about renting a flat.  When I arrived in London, I was placed with a property locating agency compliments of my firm.  Which was great because the agent was given a budget and she found properties based on my criteria.  You can use estate agencies (which can be costly), websites (such as gumtree or Flatshare), and internal correspondence.  I moved a year ago and the flat that I now live in is from an internal post. The property market in London is in a class by itself.  If you see a flat, you need to get it ASAP.  Also, in order to secure it, you have to pay one week’s rent in advance.  In London, the rent is quoted by the week so do not be deceived.  In addition to paying one week’s rent, you will also have to pay for a background check and, if approved, you will need to make a 6 week deposit.  Assuming it is a respectable estate agent, if you leave the flat in a good place, you will get your money back.  On the other hand, if you go with a private landlord, it may be cheaper but you are not as protected.   

Q.  What’s the best thing about living abroad?

A.  I love living in London because there is always something to do such as catching a show in the West End, attending a musical festival, or checking out an art exhibit.  Additionally, it provides me with opportunities to see the world.  Since I have been there, I have visited so many countries such as Cyprus, Holland, Scotland, Thailand, Italy, Spain, France, Czech Republic, Germany, and Belgium and I still have so many more places that I want to check out.  Lastly, I fell in love with a great guy and we are still together 3 years later.

Q. What’s the worst thing about living abroad?

A.  The worst thing about living abroad is that I miss my friends and family who are unable to see me because it is too far.  While Facebook has allowed us to stay in touch, it is still not the same as sharing these moments in person.

Q.  What’s your advice to people considering a move overseas?

A.  If it is in your heart to move overseas, you should do it! I would definitely say to make sure you have a sizeable budget to account for moving expenses and, if applicable, try to find a job before moving.

Nikki’s Favorite Things: Dublin Edition

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I’ve been to Dublin a couple of times and always find something new to experience.  I love the lush green grass, lively cafes & bars and friendly natives.  I first became interested in Dublin while reading The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning (a series of 5 books focusing on the character of Mackayla Lane, a pampered southern belle from Georgia, who goes to Dublin to find her sister’s killer).  It’s based in the supernatural/urban fantasy genre and a wonderful read.   What I loved about the books is that the author really took chances with the lead character and you were constantly surprised.  Anyway, as I became enthralled with the series, I anticipated seeing the places she referenced.  Below is a list of my favorite places, experiences & things to do in Dublin.

St. Stephens Green Park

    

This has to be one of the most beautiful parks I’ve ever visited.  It was so peaceful and even though a lot of people were about, it was surprisingly quiet.

Grafton Street

   

It’s one of the two principal (pedestrian) shopping streets in Dublin city center (the other being Henry Street).  With high-end shopping and entertainment, in 2008 it was named the fifth most expensive main shopping street in the world (Wikipedia).  As you walk, you will see several street performers (playing blues, rock, or folk music), artists and florists.  All the performers I saw were very good.  Lining the streets are a variety of flower markets.  I wanted to buy a bouquet and walk around with it all day because the smell and colors were wonderful!

Trinity College

 

Trinity College, formally known as the College of the Holy and Undivided Trinity of Queen Elizabeth near Dublin, was founded in 1592 by Queen Elizabeth I as the “mother of a university” (Wikipedia).  The campus is  beautiful.  It was originally a Protestant college.  However, Catholics started attending the school in the 1970s.  Be sure to check out the Book of Kells which is a book containing the 4 Gospels in Latin.  This book was written in calligraphy during the 17th century by 4 monks and richly decorated with inks from the Middle East.  It was actually pretty cool to see how rich the colors still are after all these years.

Queen of Tarts

 

I know I talk about food a lot…especially tea and scones.  Okay, seriously?  The Queen of Tarts is AWESOME!  They have 2 locations very close to each other (and yes, I went to both).  In fact, I went there 4 TIMES in 2 DAYS!  That’s right.  I am not ashamed to admit it.  I love scones and clotted cream.  Clotted cream is like whipped creamy crack.  When I got back to Atlanta, I spent days tracking down a store that imports it and bought 4 jars.  Yep…it just got real, y’all.

Temple Bar district

The Temple Bar district is an arts and entertainment maze of pubs…it’s basically the party district where most of the action is (bars/pubs, outdoor performers, etc.).

To give you a little flavor of what to expect, when I was in Dublin over the summer, my colleague & I went to the Temple Bar district and happened to walk past a pub that had gotten out of control.  It’s 5pm…and these folks are drunk like it’s 2am.  What the hell?  Faces are red, folks are drunk screaming (you know what I mean, “WOOOOO!  THAT WAS F’ING AWESOME, DUDE! I’M GONNA FIGHT LIAM IF HE LOOKS MY WAY AGAIN!”).  It was one of those things where you just start backing away slowly because you didn’t know what was about to happen.  When a guy came out with his face covered in purple/bluish bruises, I knew it was time to go.  So, we keep walking to a different pub.

A colleague that works in the Dublin office recommended we check out a pub in this area.  It was even recommended by Rick Steves.  Sigh.  Maybe it was an off night?  We go in and I noticed the crowd was mostly elderly.  I mean, they were playing ABBA.  Uh, are they Irish?  I didn’t think so.  We take a seat at the bar and order a Guinness.  This pub is on the infamous “pub crawl” which is about to start in 30 minutes or so.  I’m thinking that it will get better.  And, it does.  But for totally different reasons.

1.  Blue Collar So You Think You Can Dance (aka “The BC Onesie Crew) = a group of guys come in dressed in their work clothes.  These work clothes are blue jumpsuits (like adult onesies).  Instead of taking the entire onesie off, they just unzip the top part and tie the arms around the waist.  Clearly they have on clothes underneath (t-shirt & jeans) so I’m not sure why they continue to wear the onesie.  But, they do.  Maybe it doubles as their “clubbing” outfit?  As they are drinking, the onesie slides down a little more…because they are getting crunk.  Guinness is potent y’all.  The Irish jigs start playing and it turns into a juke joint.  I’m like, “the hell is this?”  Next thing I know, they are doing Riverdance and trying to pick up the nearest lady that passes them.  But, not to be outdone…

2.  Irish Kid & Play = that’s right.  However, it really was only Kid because his partner didn’t want to drop it like it’s hot.  In fact, he tried to act like Kid didn’t exist at one point.  Clearly, he didn’t recognize greatness!  So, Kid sees the BC Onesie Crew and was like, “I see your Riverdance, and I will raise you the Michael Jackson Experience.”  Then, the greatest thing happens.  Kid drops his head, raises his right arm, holds his hand up and does the Janet Jackson “Rhythm Nation” countdown, does a pop n lock before hitting us with the full turn and the MJ “Black & White” video scream into the non-existent wind machine.  This happened right in front of me.  I think he is a warlock with tiger blood & Adonis DNA because this was made for the win.  He stops, looks at the BC Onesie Crew and was like, “Checkmate, MFers”.

You know the BC Onesie Crew weren’t going out like that.  It’s time to come out of the onesie now.  They take a long drink of Guinness before pulling out the advanced moves.  Oh yeah, it just got really real, y’all.  They are battling…with Irish jigs playing on the 1s and 2s.  Y’all ain’t ready for this.  So, the BC Onesie Crew raise their arms, do some sort of flapping movement (kind of like Morris Day & The Time’s “The Bird”) with a 2-step salsa and look at Kid like, “take that, take that.”  What?  Not Diddy!  They just came with something they had practiced for the past month.  This was it…their Big Joker.  What they didn’t know was that Kid was going to run a Boston.  He was like, “That’s all you got?”   Then looks at the DJ like, “Kick an old school 13th century beat, maestro!”  He takes his hat off (a la MJ at the Motown 25th anniversary when he performed “Billie Jean”), does the Cabbage Patch, mixes in some country line dancing which transitioned into the moonwalk and finishes off with the robot.  Kid for the win!  Y’all think I’m making this up…but I’m not.  That made my night.  I was like, “Jiggin’ is serious in the Dubs!”  Don’t get caught slippin’ y’all.  You can’t get on Ireland’s Best Dance Crew doing the electric slide.

The fitzwilliam Hotel

 

The fitzwilliam is a 5-star luxury hotel is fabulous and located in the city center right on St. Stephens Green.  It’s one of the most comfortable hotels I’ve stayed in and is within walking distance to Grafton Street, Trinity College, the Temple Bar district, Dublin Castle and the Queen of Tarts.  I would definitely stay there again.

I should also let you know that it has a spa but, um…let me tell you my about my experience and you can decide if you want to do partake of their services.  I should’ve known something was up when the masseuse told me that her massages were “different”.  I just didn’t think anything of it.  That was my first mistake.  The second was telling her that I liked a “deep” touch.  The massage was supposed to be a hybrid Swedish & Aromatherapy.  It starts out fine.  Then I noticed that it started to hurt.  Apparently, she’s got a bit of muscle because she took a “deep touch” to mean that I wanted my subdermis tissue massaged as well.  I deal with it thinking that all my muscles should be nice and loose.  Then…it happened.  I’m lying there all relaxed about to fall asleep and next thing I know, she starts beating me!  With open hands!  Like I stole something from her.  I was like, “Hold up, Ike!  What did I do to you?  Why are you hitting me?”  She responds that “repetitive smacking” motions help break up fatty tissue.  Um, assault and battery help remove cellulite???  The hell?  I thought that she would stop beating me after she finished working on my legs.  I lay my head back down…still a bit rattled but determined to enjoy my massage.  Next thing I know, she’s moved to my buttocks, pulled the sheet down then starts to smack my booty!  I was like, “OH HECKS NAW!”  This whole Chris Brown massage was not working for me.  I had to let her know that she needed to focus on smooth motions and move away from my butt.  That is not where I hold my stress.  Stop beating me like I’m not singing “Proud Mary” right.  Because believe me…this big wheel will keep on rolling.  So, after we realigned expectations, the massage went better.  But, my booty still stung.  I felt like I was a kid again getting a whippin’ from my Dad – which always occurred for no good reason because I was an angel as a child!

Ha’Penny Bridge & the River Liffey

 

Just like the name sounds…there used to be a one and a half pence fee to cross over the River Liffey (which is a river that runs thru the center of town).  I don’t even know how they worked that out to make change.  What I loved most was this note on the pavement as you are crossing…

The Dublin Ghostbus Tour

In one word?  AWESOME!  It was so campy and I loved every minute of it.  But, be ready to suspend belief.  The bus had blackout drapes so it was pitch dark and it was decorated like a Haunted House inside!  OMG, it was fabulous.

Our tour guide was Declan.  He wore all black and talked very dramatic.  Like our lives were on the line.  You could die at any second.  Fun fact…I absolute REFUSE to watch scary movies.  But, stuff like this I think I can handle.  As long as Sammy Terry doesn’t come out of the woodwork.  Then, all bets are off.  Get the Depends because my nerves can’t take it.  But, I digress…Anyway, I felt like Vincent Price would be coming over the loud speakers at any moment.  In fact, our bus music as we drove to different sites was “Thriller”.  Michael Jackson and looking for ghosts?  Winning!  They also played “Ghostbusters” which was cheesy but you know I was screaming out, “WHO YOU GONNA CALL?”  That’s right.  Don’t act like you didn’t just say it with me.  It’s mobile theater & karaoke!

We went to a cemetery that was supposedly haunted.  Declan told us the story of a priest who was tortured then burned to death for refusing to convert from Catholicism to Protestant.  It’s said that his ghost haunts the cemetery.  He also tells us that Bram Stoker went to school in Dublin (at Trinity College) and the legend of Dracula was born here.

We pass different places with cool stories (i.e.  the College of Physicians where we are told of the strange activities of Dr. Clossy, whose spirit is still seen walking the corridors carrying a bucket of human entrails — apparently, he lived at the College and used to have students steal corpses to use as cadavers for teaching them about the human body).

There are a lot of stories (it’s a 2.5 hour tour) but the one that stuck out to me was The Lady in White.  Mostly because it didn’t make any logical sense and I need to understand why things happen.  Declan tells us the story of a beautiful woman who married this wealthy business man.  The man loved her more than the moon and the stars and the sunshine in the sky.  Air wasn’t worth breathing if her sweet breath wasn’t on it.  That kind of thing.  He really amps it up by highlighting how much this man loves this woman…which will be important to remember later on.  So, the morning after their wedding night, the husband reaches over to kiss is wife and finds her body cold.  He assumes she has died and was like, “LAWD NO!  NOT MY SWEET PEA!  HOW AM I GONNA LIVE WITHOUT HER?”.  He has a funeral and insists that his beloved (who I’m going to name Carla) be buried in her wedding dress with her trillion dollar wedding ring.  Nothing is too good for his dead baby boo.  But, Seamus (the guy burying Carla) was like, “oh, I’m gettin’ that ring and then I’m going down to the pub to make it rain”).  After Seamus puts Carla in the crypt, he tries to take the ring off her finger but it won’t come off.  So, he pulls out his pocket knife and tries to saw off her finger.  That’s when Carla wakes up and is like, “Fool, what is wrong with you?!?  You betta back up off me!”  Seamus is like, “OH HELL NAW!” and he runs out.  Comeback Carla is bewildered as to what has happened.  Maybe she thought she took a long nap after all that good lovin’ her baby boo gave her on their wedding night?  Who knows?  Anyway, Comeback Carla leaves the crypt and heads back to her house.  Now, let’s do a quick recap before I get to the end of the story.  Comeback Carla & her husband Richy Rich are so in love.  Carving “CC + RR 4EVA” on every tree they pass.  Because their love is real.  Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby…or so Comeback Carla thought.  After a night of passion, CC appears dead, RR is “devastated” as he buries his beloved boo.  Are we all on the same page?  Good.  Now, when folks die, they are usually buried in a matter of days.  So, while Declan didn’t say specifically, we’ll say a week has passed since RR thought CC died.  Well, CC shows back up at the house and when her husband opens the door, she’s like, “I’m back, baby!  Give me some suga!”  He slams the door in her face.  I’m sure she was like, “I know this fool didn’t just shut that door in my face after I’ve been buried in a crypt with this heavy-ass wedding dress on while walking 3 miles to the house after having some fool try to cut my finger off.  I know that didn’t happen.  RICHY!  OPEN THIS MF’IN DOOR…NOW!”  But, Declan said RR couldn’t accept her.  WHAT?  That doesn’t make any sense.  Why wouldn’t he taker her back?  Did he have a new boo?  Was he just in shock?  It was a week!  What the hell happened?  Did Comeback Carla turn into Bitter Betty?  Was it an episode of “Snapped”?  I was asking questions!  He didn’t have any answers. He just said that RR never took CC back and ended up losing all his money and being buried in a pauper’s grave.  What?  I was like, “you need to work on this story and come up with a more plausible ending, Dec.”  Seriously.  I ended up Googling the story because I needed to know why RR wouldn’t take her back.  Something had to have happened.  There were at least 10 stories about a Lady in White in every city but Dublin.  I’ll let you do draw your own conclusions.

What to Wear When Travelling Abroad

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Coco1One of the most popular questions asked when getting ready for a trip overseas is “What should I wear?”  I always suggest researching what the locals are wearing (with a few exceptions notated below).  Not solely for aesthetic reasons, but also for safety.  Most pickpockets target tourists.  Looking like you belong goes a long way.  Here are a few suggestions to help you look like a local on your travels abroad.

1.       Dress for the Country/Culture.  Each country has its own style.  Some countries are more lax (the U.S., England, Ireland, Scotland) while others take their fashion seriously (France & Italy).  With the exceptions that I have noted below, you can usually get away with a nice pair of jeans/black pants/skirt and plain shirts/sweaters.  Don’t wear anything outrageous or loud (leave the catsuit at home).

  • Middle East/Egypt/Morocco (& other Islamic countries) = First and foremost, you want to respect the culture of the country you are visiting.  Which means no Daisy Dukes while visiting the Pyramids of Giza in Cairo (and, yes, I have seen it).  Make sure you dress conservatively (covering most of your skin).  Yeah, it may be hot, but you can find breathable and dry-wick fabrics pretty easily.  Trust me; you do not want to stand out in a conservative country.  Women from western countries are viewed as being “loose”, which can invite sexual harassment from the local male population.  By keeping your goodies covered up, you take the attention off of you (and your valuables).  In Morocco, most women (and quite a few men) wear djellabas (a hooded robe).  These can be either heavy or light weight in fabric (according to season).  I didn’t wear one when I was there, but it is definitely an option which will reduce the amount of stares you get.  I tend to buy breathable tunics from Old Navy (most are 3/4 length sleeves), long flowing skirts, loose capris and convertible cargo pants.
  • France/Italy = These 2 fabulous countries are homes to the most famous fashion houses around.  This means they take their fashion seriously.  While the Italians are a bit more accepting, the French will turn their nose up if you walk past them wearing any of the items listed below in #3.
  • You can never go wrong with basic black.  It’s easy to coordinate and you can interchange with stylish accessories (like a scarf or costume jewelry).
  • The French love black, navy and brown.  I suggest using those as your base colors.  You will notice that most of the French will pair up their dark wardrobe with a colorful scarf.  Don’t have one?  Buy one when you get there…it’s a souvenir & fashion accessory all in one.
  • The Italians love color and you can get away with a lot more.  Most of all, it is attitude.
  • Quick everyday tip = Get your clothes tailored.  I noticed that many people look better in clothes that are altered to fit their shape.  I picked this tip up while visiting Paris.  Everybody there looks like a million bucks (or euros) and it really is because their clothes fit impeccably.
  • Spain = The Spanish love color & flowing maxi dresses/skirts.  I also noticed some ladies wearing cowboy boots with shorts but we will pretend like I didn’t see that because I don’t think that’s a good look personally (I like to call that seasonal dyslexia).
  • England/Ireland/Scotland/Holland/Czech Republic/Switzerland/Scandinavia = Pretty much anything goes.  I can’t say that I have seen a huge difference in what they wear vs. the U.S. (with the exception of the “don’ts” listed below).  A popular look during the summer of 2011 was shorts with tights & Chuck Taylors (*shudders*).  Don’t emulate that.  Hopefully that was a 1 season only look.LBD

2.      Dress for the Season.  Be sure to check the weather before you go.  Weather Underground is a good resource.  I have typically found that you will need to dress in layers no matter when you travel abroad.  A light jacket, colorful scarves, stylish cardigans/sweater coats are a must for spring, summer & fall.  Going in the winter?  Bring along a warm coat, some snazzy boots & a cute hat/scarf/glove combo.   I had left my puffer coat at home during a winter trip to Milan…only to realize that everybody (and I do mean everybody) was wearing one.  First and foremost, you want to be warm.  Don’t take an unlined peacoat when visiting Finland in the dead of winter.  Your health trumps fashion.  Plus, you will stand out as not knowing how to dress properly for cold weather 🙂  ExOfficio is now offering a snazzy sweater jacket that doubles as a travel pillow when folded.  This jacket is so cozy & warm!  I recently wore it during a winter trip and fell in love with it.  The jacket packs very easily, is super soft AND rain-resistant as well as keeping you warm & toasty.  This is now my go-to jacket both here and abroad!

coco3

3.       DO NOT WEAR…

  • Baseball caps!  If you want to protect your head & face from the harsh sun, opt for a stylish wide-brimmed hat (during the summer) or cloche/fedora (during the winter). Baseball caps scream tourist. Don’t bring your favorite sporting team to France unless you are actually on the team, k?
  • Baseball/Football Jerseys, High School/College T-shirts, etc.  Do I really even to explain why wearing a baseball or football jersey is a no-no? Again, you don’t want to stand out as a tourist for pickpockets. T-shirts are fine if they are plain or have a cool graphic. Bottom line, you want to look nice…not like you are getting ready to workout. If you just don’t think you can survive without wearing sporting apparel, buy a soccer/rugby jersey. You can fit in and it will be a conversation starter.
  • Fanny-packs!  Seriously…just no.  It’s not cute.  Tell your mother to leave it at home with the rest of the 80’s attire.  I don’t even know how this item became popular.  Never carry your money and valuables in a waist contraption that is easily seen.  You are begging a pickpocket to take a knife, cut the strap and steal it from you.  Use a money belt instead.  It’s similar to your beloved fanny-pack; it just goes under your shirt/waist of your pants instead so it will not be seen.  This protects your valuables from curious onlookers.
  • Expensive jewelry/bags!  A pickpocket will tackle you to steal your Rolex or Louis Vuitton.  Leave your valuables at home.
  • White sneakers???  I have actually seen quite a few locals wearing sneakers (though not usually white) around London & Paris.  My preference is to bring a pair of running shoes (as I like to workout during my trips abroad…even running races like the Paris-Versailles 10K) as well as a comfortable & stylish walking shoe (i.e. Hush Puppies, Mephisto, Clarks) that can transition into an evening shoe. I highly recommend walking shoes that have a rubber sole to minimize the impact of walking on cobblestones.  I love the Hush Puppies Sonnet flat which you can buy at Macy’s for almost half of what it retails for at other locations as well as the Makena Ballerina shoe.  Bottom line is to wear a shoe that you will be comfortable walking in for hours at a time.

Emma

4.       Must Haves.

  • Light jacket/cardigan/wrap = If you plan to wear tanks or sleeveless tops during the summer, be sure to bring something to cover your shoulders when visiting a place of worship.  You will not be allowed to enter with shoulders (and sometimes legs) exposed.  I bought Magellan’s Sun Protection Wrap for my recent trip to Morocco and fell in love.  So soft and it provides the necessary protection (both arms and head) when you enter places of worship.  I even wear it around at home.
  • Secure purse/money belt = I have been using a PacSafe purse (stylish & secure) to carry around my valuables, guidebook, umbrella & bottled water for a couple of years now and it is awesome.  Highly recommend!  The shoulder straps are reinforced with steel so it cannot be cut and the zippers lock into place.  It will take a pickpocket a few minutes to figure out how to gain access to your valuables.
  • Comfortable walking shoes = As I stated above, cobblestones can be harsh on your feet.  A stylish rubber-soled shoe will save your tootsies!
  • Dark colored pants & skirt = Use these as your base pieces.  Dark colors camouflage stains & are great to pair with funky accessories.

MM

5.     Handy resources.  Here are a few websites that focus on travel-related items:  While ExOfficio & Magellans offer stylish options, you can certainly find great travel clothing from cheaper stores (i.e. Old Navy, Target, etc.).

While these tips may not prevent you from being identified as a tourist, it will keep your bag lighter and you safer.  Hope it helps!  Safe travels.  Do you have any travel fashion tips?  If so, please comment as I’m always looking for a fresh perspective!

Also check out my posts on Nikki’s Favorite Things: Fashion Accessories and Essentials for Stress-Free Travel.

E True Versailles Story: Royals Gone Wild

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I decided to tour Versailles.  Since I had such a great time on the Night Bike Tour in Paris, I booked the Versailles tour through Fat Tire Bike Tours as well.  The tour lasts approximately 8.5 hours so it’s a full day of riding & sightseeing.

While in Paris, we ride our bikes from the bike shop to the train station (which is about 10 minutes away), then put the bikes on the train for a 20 minute ride to Versailles.  Once we arrive, we pedal over to the farmer’s market to buy food for our picnic that afternoon.

The market is fantastic!  You can really go broke (because a tray of raspberries and other fruit cost me 17 euros) but the freshness of the food is unbelievable.  I ended up buying some fruit, tomatoes, green beans, rotisserie chicken and water.  I passed on buying a bottle of wine as I remembered the drunk pedaling from before.  So, after we load up the bikes with our purchases, we bike over to the grounds of the Palace of Versailles (or as it is called in French, Château de Versailles).

Apparently, they try to keep the château & grounds true to history so the horses and sheep are there for decoration which has to be a pretty plush job for them.  Our fabulous tour guides are Sadie and Matt.

Okay…I hope I remember all the history correctly.  If there are inaccuracies, then let me know.  Versailles used to be the hunting grounds of King Louis XIII and was made the capital of France by King Louis XIV (“KL14”) from 1682 until the French Revolution which started in 1789.  Three kings lived in Versailles (KL14 who built the Palace of Versailles, KL15 who enjoyed it, and KL16 who paid for it…with his head).

The Palace is lavish…in fact, it’s downright gaudy.  You know how some folks just don’t know that less is more?  Well, that was the Louis’.  In the end, all that flash came back to bite them in the butt.

This place has a lot of gold…like Mr. T had been their architect and interior designer.  They just covered everything with flowers and paintings.  It was like they had to have it all.  Even if it didn’t quite blend in with the décor.  They’d just see something, buy it, put it in a room and name it a certain “salon”.

Apparently, the Dauphin & Dauphine (king and queen) had their own set of suites on opposite sides of the palace.  And, considering all the mistresses that KL14 & 15 had, it’s no surprise.

The dining room was called the “Hall of Mirrors” and is 250 feet long, with 17 arched windows and 17 matching arched mirrors that look at the garden.  The literature states that it “reflects an age when beautiful people loved to look at themselves.”  I saw the portraits of a lot of folks back then and um…let’s just say that beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.  Maybe it’s just me but I think I’ve only seen 1 portrait of someone who I thought was attractive.  Otherwise, they just all looked plain.  And, a couple of the women look like men dressed in drag.  I mean, it was a painting so they could’ve done some photoshopping and prettied them up with a few strokes of the paintbrush.  One woman was painted with a light mustache.  If that was me, the painter would’ve have been shown the door.  Make me thinner & prettier…not fatter and more masculine.

Sorry, I digressed.  Guess I got caught up in all the beauty.  Back to the dining room.  It was huge.  But KL14 (or as he named himself, the “Sun King”) felt like he needed more space to entertain.  So, he made all the people move out of the village of Trianon so he could build a SECOND DINING ROOM!  Apparently, pretty people need a lot of space to eat.  KL14 went all out.  Nothing was too good…he even had the marble brought in from Italy.  KL14 was spending the money from France’s treasury on furnishing his home like he was at the strip club making it rain.  One figure I heard was that he spent HALF of what was in the treasury.  So, he kicked the folks out the area and named the dining hall after the village in honor of them.  I’m sure they appreciated that sentiment as they were living under a bridge.

If anything, KL14 needed to be building a shower and bathtub because it is rumored that he only bathed two or three times in his life.  I was reading The Raucous Royals (because I love gossip & scandal even if it’s hundreds of years old), and it stated that “In King Louis XIV’s day, people thought a good, thick, grimy layer of filth would keep you healthy and strong.  They believed water spread diseases by penetrating the pores of the skin and then infecting the bloodstream.  Most people didn’t bathe more than once a year. The wealthy did change their linen throughout the day because they believed that the linen wicked away sweat and dirt, but they still stunk.”  And that made no logical sense.  Come on, France.  To combat the smells, the men and ladies in KL14’s court would douse themselves with perfumes and powders.  So, imagine being back in that day and having to smell Jean-Claude’s funk mixed with Cody Wild Musk for Men.  Ewwww.

To be fair, the book stated that KL14 was so clean that he was almost fussy about it. “He often bathed in a big Turkish bath.  When not in his bath, he rubbed spirits or alcohol on his skin (perfume gave him headaches), which acted as a disinfectant. And, as if that were not enough, he changed his undies three times a day!”  The book also said that KL14 towered over his subjects at an amazing 6’10”. Unfortunately, he was only 5’4” when naked.  “To compensate for his short stature, he wore a twelve-inch-high wig and six-inch red heels. But this was one look that no one could copy. King Louis XIV decreed that only the king could wear red heels.”  Only the king wears Prada, y’all.

Now, this book also said that Queen Elizabeth 1 would bleach her teeth with dog urine so keep that in mind when judging the veracity of their information.  Regardless of bathing or not, whatever he did it must have paid off because KL14 lived to the ripe old age of seventy-seven and was king for seventy-two years, longer than any other French monarch in history.

So, KL14 builds up a lavish palace and dies then KL15 assumes the throne (after a regency period since he was only 5 when his great-granddaddy went to the gilded gates).  KL15 was known as the playboy extraordinaire.  He claims to have had 5000 mistresses.  Okay, Wilt Chamberlain.  One mistress, Marie Anne de Maillynesle, put together a business plan for her future when her looks started to fade.  She figured out that KL15 liked his women more than ruling so when she felt like she was getting too old, instead of having him kick her to the curb…she became a pimp and procured women for him.  However, she wanted more power…and since he didn’t really want to govern anything outside the bedroom, he let A Pimp Named Marie Anne run the country.  She would just start wars (like the Seven Years War) so she could resolve them and have even more power.  The most famous of his mistresses are Madame du Pompadour and Madame du Barry.  Of course, with all the sleeping around he was doing, you know they all had cooties.  How are you going to be scared of water but not STDs?  Come on, France.

We then pedal over to the Hamlet of The Domaine de Marie Antoinette (aka The Hamlet).  In order to understand the significance of The Hamlet, I’ll give you a bit of background about the events leading up to the French Revolution.  As I stated above, KL14 & 15 were living the high life by spending money on buildings, wars, clothes and women.

Then, KL16 comes along.  He was set to marry Marie-Antoinette after the Seven Years War as a way to solidify peace between France & Austria.  The story goes that KL16 was a nerdy kid who, at 15 (the age he married Marie-Antoinette), preferred to collect bugs & locks than look at women.  Then, there was the supposedly beautiful Marie-Antoinette (“MA”).  Sigh.  I saw the painting.  We’ll give her a pass.  So, “beautiful” MA marries KL16 at the age of 14.  Her primary goal was to get knocked up with some heirs.  But, KL16 wanted to go out and collect fireflies and pick locks.  And, MA, having read the precursor to the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You” was upset.  Which many women can sympathize with.  It’s one thing to be rejected by a fine man.  Quite another to be rejected by the French Urkel.  MA tries to seduce KL16 to no avail.  People start looking at her all suspiciously because she hasn’t gotten knocked up yet.  So, she did what most women do when they are depressed.  No, not eat chocolate and binge drink (or maybe that’s just me).  She went shopping.  And spent MASSIVE amounts of money on all the latest fashions.  Where did that money come from?  The treasury into which folks paid their taxes.

Finally, 7 years later, MA gets pregnant.  Maybe she put on some kinky ladybug lingerie and rubbed her legs together like a spider to entice KL16.  Who knows?  She ended up having 4 kids.  After having her kids, she decided that she wanted to know what it was like to live like a peasant…so she had The Hamlet built.

This “peasant village” was basically a big dollhouse & playground.  She had sheep that she would have dyed a different color each day depending on her mood.  She then would pretend to milk a cow into a porcelain bowl.  Her peasant dresses were tailored.  You can only imagine from the pictures how much this little playground cost the taxpayers.  And, apparently, when the villagers saw her making a mockery of their lives…well, let’s just say that karma is a ______.

MA had her own place with a moat around it and required KL16 to send a written request before coming to visit.  Legend is that she had a Swedish lover that she would meet at the Temple of Love she had built for their rendezvous (which was not at all discreet…Temple of Love, Marie?  Seriously?).  With 80 acres of land, they could slip off and not be seen by anybody.

After the French monarchy were on MTV’s “Cribs”, the bourgeoisie class (which were the middle class and merchants) were like, “WTF?”  They were tired of seeing their hard-earned money go to waste.  People were starving because taxes had risen dramatically to pay for such a lavish lifestyle in Versailles.  So, they ended up signing the “Tennis Court Treaty” where they wrote a constitution and basically decided to revolt.  Which, I don’t know why KL16 didn’t see this coming.  The French had just helped out the US for the American Revolutionary War…put down the bugs, buddy.  You know the Americans were like, “Listen, Pierre, you gots to get out now.  You think I’m gonna let George tell me what to do?  I’m not calling him “king”.  Plus, I think he’s got a mental illness and I don’t have time for the drama.  Britain can kick rocks!!! U-S-A-U-S-A-U-S-A.  What?  Is he your master now?  Can he beat you up?  You need to take notes and tell Louis that France don’t have time for bug collectin’ and prancing around in stockings and high heels while folks can’t buy bread!  Revolt, man!”  While KL16 was collecting butterflies, the French were collecting guns.

So, the French Revolution starts in 1789 when KL16 finally gets a clue that something is going on and sends his army into Paris to put the smack down.  The citizens think the soldiers are about to attack and get all Matrix on them and storm the battalion to set free the political prisoners…of which there were only 5; and get the gun powder which was stored there.  Then, the fishmonger women (you know, the women who work at the docks) started marching on Versailles and surrounded the Palace.  Finally, KL16 & MA surrendered under the condition that they would live under house arrest at the Louvre.

They lived at the Louvre for a few years but when they saw the guillotine had been built and folks were getting beheaded…well, they came up with an escape plan.  I think it’s now pretty obvious that KL16 is no mastermind.  MA passed out her tailored haute couture peasant clothes and they snuck out of the Louvre in the dead of night and probably would’ve made it to freedom had KL16 not refused to take a nondescript peasant carriage.  He said he’d only ride in the royal carriage.  Sigh.  That kinda defeats the purpose of discretion.  Once they convince him to take a Kia carriage, they end up being stopped by a patrolman outside the city.  KL16’s face is on all currency so it didn’t take long for the patrolman to figure out KL16 (aka “The French MacGyver”) was trying to escape.  Somehow, he just wasn’t getting the concept of subterfuge.  So, of course they get caught.  Then, they both end up getting beheaded.  KL16 first…and MA almost a year later after she had been humiliated.  Folks hated MA by this point and would just take any opportunity to ridicule her.

In the end, the whole family (except for 1 daughter) ended up dying.  It’s pretty sad.

But, the grounds are beautiful!  After riding around and looking at the gardens, we had a picnic on the grounds behind the palace.

Finally, I walked through this hall where a guy in period costume was playing chess against at least 12 people…and he beat everybody sitting there.  Most people stare at the board for a while before making a move.  This guy didn’t spend more than 30 seconds thinking of each move…would take whatever piece that was yours and move on to the next player.

Overall, Versailles is gorgeous.  The Palace itself is okay (if you are into that type of thing).  I thought the grounds, gardens and the Domaine de Marie-Antoinette were the most interesting.

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Roaming Thru Rome

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[This is the post that started it all…my very first trip overseas!  I sent this email to friends & family in June 2007.  It still cracks me up.]

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Hello, everybody!  I have been in Rome less than 48 hours and so far, my trip has been like a Greek tragedy.

Act 1 “Getting to Rome”

I was booked on an US Air flight (from now on, I’ll be referring to them as Beelzebub Airlines, i.e. the Devil, or just B for short because it’s easier).  Anyway, I had a B flight from Atlanta to Philly with just 1 hour for a layover before my connecting flight to Rome.  Now, I knew it would be cutting it close should there be a delay but there wasn’t anything I could do.  So, the flight from Atlanta gets delayed because there was too much “air traffic” in Philly.  How long is the delay?  One hour.  Yes, I said 1 hour.  The exact time I had between connections.  So, the B pilot (I’m just gonna call him “Cooter”) tells us that B always pads the flight duration times so we will arrive at 5:15pm.  I had a 6:05pm connecting flight.  As Cooter is flying the plane he starts talking about altitude and the sunshine and other things I don’t really care about.  I care about him increasing the speed on that jet so I could catch my flight.  A 7-year-old girl looks at her watch (apparently the watch that Cooter doesn’t own) and announces that it is 5:25pm and we haven’t even begun to descend from the sky.  I ask the flight attendant about options to hold my connecting flight by a few minutes.  Of course, they can’t promise that but did say they would have an electric cart waiting to drive me over to the next concourse.

We finally land and I get off the plane around 5:45pm.  Was there an electric cart waiting?  I think you know the answer.  My Mom calls to let me know that they’ve already boarded the flight and I need to get there now because they are about to close the door.  So, I’m running like OJ thru the airport (without the knife or a Bronco) because there was no electric cart.  I get to the gate and the less-than-friendly gate agent says, “We gave your seat away.”  I responded with “Oh, so I’m flying first class now, right?”  She said, “As of right now, you don’t even have a seat on the plane.”  I just looked at her and thought to myself “Hmm, I’m gonna be on this flight if I have to sit with the pilot” and then wondered what kind of in-flight service he received because I’m sure he’s eating better than coach.  She eventually finds a seat for me and I am able to board.

Act II “Arrival to Rome”

I arrive in Rome and guess who doesn’t have their bags?  If you guessed me, then you are correct.  I don’t have one article of clothing because I packed everything except for toiletries.  I report my luggage as lost and started with my day.  Rome is BEAUTIFUL.  The experience of being here is hard to explain.  However, I will share with you a few tidbits on the craziness that’s happened to me.

Since I don’t have any clothes, I had to go shopping.  Now, something I didn’t know about Rome is that they apparently hate fat people.  And, by fat people, that would be anybody that wears a U.S. size 6 and above.  I go to a store and pull a couple of dresses off the rack to try on.  I select a medium and a large (thinking that they might run a little small).  A saleswoman (I’m calling her “Nunya” because she was all in my business without needing to be) walks up and looks over my shoulder at the sizes I picked up and says loudly (because apparently fat people are deaf too) “Jeeww need an EXTRA EXTRA LARGE”.  I looked around thinking that maybe she was talking to someone else but she was all up in my face.  So, I was like, “Um, I don’t wear that large of a size.  This will be fine.” and go about my business of browsing the new “Crack/Smack” summer collection (because wasn’t nobody gonna fit them clothes unless they hit the pipe).  So, Nunya disappears to what I thought was to mind her business.  I was wrong.  She comes out of the back room with an XXL size dress (I guess they leave the fat clothes in a special “Baby Got Back Room” or something) and then announces to the entire store “NOOO, JEEWWW NEED DIS EXTRA EXTRA LARGE.  IT STRETCHES SO IT HELPS YO HIPS!”  Um, what?  My mind is screaming, “I know she ain’t talking to me.”  I refuse to buy a size that I spent a year of hard dieting to leave behind.  I wish I would by an XXL!  I wear small and medium.  I don’t care if America is lying to me about my size.  Lie to me, America.  I don’t want to know the truth.  Clearly, I can’t handle the truth.  So, I take the Jabba-the-Hut-sized dress and decided to try it on to prove to her that it was too big.  Game on, sister!  Well, to my surprise…that sucker barely fit.  So, um…game off.  My face was TIGHT!  I was like, “oh hecks naw.”  When did I become an XXL?   Oh my God.  I’m the light-skinned Precious!  As I’m having my meltdown, Nunya says, “See, the fab-er-ic stret-chas fo jeww.”  I just had to leave the store because my nerves were shot.

As I left the store and fumed all the way up the street, I started wishing I had some gelato to ease the pain of being called fat.  Eventually, I find another store, and pick out a couple of outfits.  But since the clothes are sized different, I wasn’t sure which size was appropriate.  The sales guy (let’s call him “Antonio”) told me that I wear a 2.  I was like “Is that a fat girl size?  Because I ain’t buying a fat girl size.”  At this point, my Mom is just looking away and laughing because other people in the store are looking at me like I’m crazy.  Whatever.  I was serious.  NO FAT GIRL CLOTHES!  My experience with Nunya had scarred me and I needed someone to talk me down and it was Antonio’s job to do it.  He turned on the Italian charm and I finally found an outfit that fit then paid an astronomical amount because everything is expensive.  If any of you are looking to do an outreach ministry, consider donating to me.  Thanks!

Act III “Fat Brownie does Rome”

I thought my bags would arrive the next day…they didn’t.  Thanks, Beelzebub Airlines!  So, I had to go thru the shopping process all over again but decided to check out a different area.  During my second sojourn into the trials and tribulations of being a big girl, I noticed something else…they don’t sell underwear.  Well, they sell it sparingly and for a small fortune…like it is illegal or something.  I asked at least 3 or 4 women where I could find underwear.  At one store (I’ll call it “Skelewear” because you had to be a skeleton to fit the clothes), nobody spoke English.  I know very limited Italian and used it up ordering a sandwich (big girls gotta eat).  So, the lady says “yesa, I speaka a leetle englese.”  I ask if she knew of anyplace that sold underwear.  Her response?  “Yes.  No.  No.  Grazie” and she walks away.  Yes, no, no, grazie?  The hell?  After walking around to a few stores, I finally found a pair of underwear.  One pair costs $25 euro (since it wasn’t Spanx and that is apparently what I need to wear some clothes around here, I just passed)!  I thought about finding Fabrizio on the corner and asking him if he could get me some Hanes off the black market for $5 euro.  Somebody has to have the hook-up around here.  I tried on more clothes, of which nothing fit.  By now, my nerves are shot, I’m joining Weight Watchers online and looking for an Italian Lane Bryant.  I end up borrowing clothes from my mother and other people on the tour.  Because I’m too fat for Rome and have no luggage.  How about that?

Act IV “My Daddy”

We went to see the Trevi Fountain and there was a guy that was dressed up kind of like the Statue of Liberty — faced painted gray with a gray robe holding a torch.  I then realized it was an actual person…not a statue.  So, I say discreetly to my father, “Dad, watch your step because you are about to back up on that guy.”  He looks around and says loudly to the entire group of 37 people “HEY!!!  THAT’S AN ACTUAL GUY.  I THOUGHT IT WAS A STATUE!  BRENDA, GET ME THE CAMERA SO I CAN TAKE A PICTURE.”  All up in the man’s face.  I was like, “What didn’t you understand about me being discreet?”

All in all, Italy really has been an amazing experience — 10,000 Miles by Air, 700 Miles by Bus, and 100 Miles by Foot (well, that may be a slight exaggeration).  Seeing the ruins up close is something I really can’t describe.

Here are my favorites:

The Roman Forum — All Roads Lead to Rome

    

The Fonatana di Trevi was created by Nicola Salvi in 1762 and is Rome’s largest and most famous fountain.  You can see the central figure is Neptune and he is flanked by two Tritons (one trying to master an unruly seahorse and the other leading a quieter beast).  This is supposed to symbolize the contrasting moods of the sea.  It’s estimated that each day 22 million gallons of water flow thru the fountain.  This is the original site of the Aqua Virgo aqueduct built by Agrippa in 19 BC to channel water to Rome’s new bath complexes.  It may have been named for a girl named, Trivia, who is said to have first shown the spring to thirsty Roman soldiers.  Legend has it that if you toss a coin into the fountain, you are guaranteed to return to Rome.  I’ve been back to Rome twice since that time.

 

The Spanish Steps (aka Piazza di Spagna) is the most famous square in Rome and takes its name from the Palazzo di Spagna, built in the 17th century to house the Spanish embassy to the Holy See.

The Colosseum is known as Rome’s greatest amphitheater.  It was commissioned by Emperor Vespasian in AD 72.  In this theater, up to 55,000 spectators could watch gladiators fight each other or wild animals.  During the inaugural games in AD 80, approximately 9,000 wild animals were killed.  Slaves could gain their freedom by fighting men or wild animals to the death.  I guess you fight for freedom or die trying.

  

The Pantheon is also known as the Roman “temple of all the gods.  It’s the best preserved ancient building in Rome.  It was built (and possibly designed) by Emperor Hadrian in AD 118.  It’s interesting in that during the 7th century, permission was granted to turn the temple into a church when Christians claimed by be plagued by demons as they passed by the building.  Today, it’s lined with tombs and holds the bodies of Italian monarchs.

 

Other than the clothing situation, things have been wonderful.  The men are absolutely gorgeous and I’ve had several people say that I look like I’m 18.  Which is great since I’m just a couple of years older than that 🙂  Please pray for me that I receive my luggage soon.  Otherwise, no telling what you might see on CNN.  I might be in the studio with Sir Mix-a-lot working on the Italian version of “Baby Got Back”!  Ha!  Until then…ciao!

Race Series: How I Survived the Paris-Versailles 16K Race!

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Running an international race was on my bucket list this year so I jumped at the chance of participating in the Paris-Versailles 16K (which is 10 miles)!  I had run a half marathon earlier this year so I thought it would be a piece of cake.  Wrong.  I was required to have my doctor sign a medical waiver (clue #1).  Since I love Paris and Versailles, I thought this would be a great idea and it would give me a chance to see some beautiful scenery.  I had read the info on the race website and a question was asked about the terrain.  The question was “I’ve never ran the Paris-Versailles, is the race difficult?”  The reply, “The race, in spite of the reputation of the “Côte des gardes”, is still easier than a half marathon. Be careful on the last climb to Viroflay (before the feeding station of km 13) who is redoubtable, as well as the slight incline of the Avenue de Paris in Versailles, which can seem endless.”  (clue #2)  That’s it.  Keep that response in mind for later, k?

I get up, head to Starbucks for yogurt and then take the train to the Eiffel Tower where the race is to start.  Um, why were there several funky folks on the train?  Dude, you haven’t even ran the race yet?  You want to be smelling like booty funk when you wake up?  Hose yourself off and get some deodorant.  The thought going thru my mind was, “what the hell is it going to smell like after the race?” 

So, we arrive at the Eiffel Tower and it is packed.  The race had sold out about a month earlier.
    

View of people walking over the Seine towards the starting line.

I met up with a couple of French colleagues in the starting area (which is packed).  Then, as we are lining up, my colleague says, “Hey, be careful out there because people have died running this race.”  Wait, WHAT?  People have died?  Why wasn’t that in the literature???  He tells me that people always overdo it because they aren’t ready for the huge hill between kilometers 6 and 8.  They don’t pace themselves appropriately.  Then, he says that he saw 2 people die a couple of years ago.  WHAT THE HELL?  WHY AM I JUST NOW HEARING ABOUT THIS MESS?  I AM NOT READY TO DIE.  I HAVEN’T SAID GOOD-BYE!  So, I did the best I could…sent a message on Facebook telling everybody that it’s been a good life & requested they keep me lifted in up prayer.  Ha!

The race has a rolling start but unlike half & full marathons, you aren’t grouped by pace.  They just let a certain amount of people start running every 2 minutes.  Finally, our group is released to start the race.  A couple of things I notice from the start.  First, there is no concept of personal space.  People just run all up on you so you are constantly covered in other people’s sweat.  It’s gross.  And you cannot avoid it.  Second, Port-O-Potties are a suggestion, not a requirement.  While they have some at the hydration stations, most people just stopped running and urinated on the side of the road.  Men AND WOMEN.  I don’t need to see Jean-Claude whip out his junk and I certainly don’t need to see Chanel pull her pants down and squat.  Really?  On the side of the road???  I can’t take it.

Once I’m over that, I’m able to continue focusing on my run.  Then, I see some guys running in chicken costumes.  In the heat…for 10 miles.  I’m sure that seemed like a neat concept in theory.  By the 3km marker, the chicken head had come off and was tossed to the side…by the 6km marker, the entire suit was tossed.

  

I’m just running along and then I come to the 6km marker and see what I’m gonna call the “Hill to Jesus”.  It went straight up.  Seriously?  What the hell?  I just started looking around for a train or bus stop because I just knew that I the hill would kill me and I would have to ask Jesus to help me out.  As I start my Jesus quest, I’m thinking that I have 20 Euro and could either find a taxi or bribe a kid to let me hop on his scooter.  The 2 km Jesus run seemed like it was 26 miles.  I honestly didn’t think I would make it.  I cursed myself out the entire time I was running (while I listened to Marvin Sapp’s “Never Would of Made it” to give me some encouragement.  Ha!).  I finally made it, gave thanks to Jesus and prayed that it was all downhill after that.  It wasn’t.  However, 11-13km was pretty good.  While I survived the hill, not everybody did.  I saw 3 people being rushed to the hospital via ambulance.  It’s weird passing ambulances that are stationed at every kilometer.  I also ran past several people at the medics tent getting oxygen and other medical care.  You know I was like, “uh…maybe I should just take a quick break and have them check my pressure?”  But, I kept it going.

Then there was another hill.  WTF?!?!?!?  I saw the medic scooter and thought, “I’m saved!”but it flew right on past to help out someone else.  They were probably faking.  I finally come to the last hydration station that has sugar cubes (that’s new for me), oranges, water and Powerade…and they are playing Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”…aw yeah!  That gets me hyped and I get a little burst of energy…

And, I finally cross the finish line 2 hours after I started the race.  One more goal achieved!!

France: Poppin’ Bottles Around the Champagne Region

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Champagne.  That one beautiful, majestic word has the ability to conjure up anticipation & delight.  I absolutely LOVE champagne.  It’s my favorite alcoholic drink.  Mimosas are proper at all hours of the day.  It’s a crime to regulate it to brunch with milk, tea and coffee.  Seriously.  I know I sound like an alcoholic but…I can stop drinking it anytime I want.  I just choose not to.  It would be unfair to the makers of this beautiful, sexy beverage.

I was blessed to visit the bubbly cities of Reims & Epernay.  I only had 1 day (Saturday) since Sunday would be spent running the Paris-Versailles 16K road race.

Renee (my travel buddy, sister & overall fabulous superstar friend) joined me for the weekend!  Our day started early as we needed to take the train from Versailles (where we were staying) so I could pick up my race packet at the Paris Sports Complex.  We then took the TGV high-speed train from Gare Paris-Est to Reims.

Reims
Beautiful, beautiful Reims (pronounced “rance”, rhymes with France…I know, you don’t see the letter “n” either.  I can’t even begin to sound this stuff out.  I was saying “reems” forever.  I can’t tell you how many times I asked the sexy train ticket agent to pronounce that for me.  Ha!).  Reims’ is the administrative capital of the Champagne region.  It’s approximately 45 minutes from Paris if you take the TGV train.  This city is where 26 French kings & queens were crowned, where champagne first bubbled (mmm, mmm…I think I need to get a flute of the bubbly to type this post up…hold on…………………………………………………………………………………[looking for champagne]……………………………………………………………………………………………………..maybe I should drink a glass before writing?  Then have another glass while I continue to write?  You know it will go flat if I leave it out so I better just finish off the bottle.  Ooh, I have mimosa sorbet that I made last night.  I should get a bowl of that too.)… Sorry, I had to think thru this dilemma.  Where was I?  Oh yes, Reims.  This is also the city where the Germans officially surrendered in 1945 bringing WWII to an end.

The great thing about visiting Reims is that most of the sights are within a 15-minute walk from the Reims-Centre train station.  Otherwise, you can take the bus or tram (which are really easy to use) to your destination.  Now, my focus was to tour the champagne caves and do tastings ALL DAY LONG!  I am so serious about this.  Did I mention that I love champagne?  It’s like the Bert to my Ernie, y’all.

Despite the fact that we started our day at 8am, we were only able to catch the 11:30am train to Reims.  We arrive during lunch when all the champagne houses have closed down from 12-2pm.  So, we take this time to walk down the main boulevard and get some lunch.

This was a steak and cheese sandwich with fries loaded on top.  Awesome!  And, I’m pretty sure it’s only 8 points on Weight Watchers but I need to verify it…once I finish my mimosa.

Unsubstantiated Fun Fact…did you know that a glass of champagne every day increases the quality of your life?  You didn’t?  Well, now you do.  Don’t bother trying to fact check me.  It’s something I know in my soul.  I don’t need the FDA or Dr. Oz telling me lies trying to keep me away from my precious.

After we finish lunch, we start walking towards our first champagne house…Taittinger.  On the way, we pass a line for people to get in this round contraption so they can spin around like a ball for 2 minutes.

During our walk, I realize I need to use the bathroom.  We come across a McDonald’s so I say that I’m going to go in there.  Now, McD’s has never let me down.  I enter and realize it’s 2 stories with the bathroom being upstairs.  But, as I get to the stairs, I notice there is a man blocking my access and he’s wearing some sort of gold shield.  Apparently, they have Ronald McDonald police.  He asked if I purchased food because the bathrooms were for patrons only.  Um, why wasn’t he looking for the Hamburglar who, last I heard, was busy stealing kids Happy Meals?  Or did they crack that 45-year old case?  Seriously. 

So, after being denied relief at McDonald’s (that sounds dramatic doesn’t it?  I wanted to throw that in just in case Tyler Perry wants to turn this into a movie.), we head to the Reims Cathedral.

It’s absolutely breathtaking!  This cathedral was built in 1211 and is a great example of Gothic architecture.  The details are similar to the cathedral I saw in Strasbourg last year.  It’s known as one of Europe’s greatest churches.  The first king of the Franks, Clovis, was baptized in this church in 496 AD.  This really helped to establish Christianity in France.  Since C-money’s baptism, Reims became the place for the coronation of French kings & queens (as mentioned above, there were 26 in total).  For this reason, it played a more important role than Paris’ Notre Dame cathedral.  Joan of Arc led Charles VII here to be crowned in 1429.  The French rallied around young Charlie 7 (or, probably as he was known to his friends…Sev’s) to push the English out of France and end the Hundred Years’ War (which was a series of wars waged from 1337 to 1453 by the House of Valois and the House of Plantagenet, also known as the House of Anjou, for the French throne, which had become vacant upon the extinction of the senior Capetian line of French kings.).  As you may remember from my London post, the House of Plantagenet loved to fight.  They were involved in the War of the Roses (fighting cousins) and this is the same house in which crazy King Henry 8 or as I like to call him, Crazy 8s) descended (the one killing all his wives).

I cover the origins of the French Revolution in my Versailles post but during the actual revolution, the French decided to convert all the cathedrals and places of worship into “temples of reason”.  They didn’t want religion to be forced on them.  After the monarchy was restored, Charles X was crowned King in 1825…this was the last coronation in France.  I guess old Double Nickels couldn’t keep it going.  The cathedral was almost destroyed by bombs during WWI and was completely rebuilt by John D. Rockefeller.  Who, interestingly, also rebuilt historical places in Athens and of course, Colonial Williamsburg.

Taittinger
After getting our church on, we power walk to Taittinger (pronounced “tay-tan-zhay”) because we are thirsty and that sweet nectar is calling.  Taittinger is one of the biggest & most renowned of Reims’ caves.  We took a tour of the cellars (which are freezing).  Now, when we arrive, we ask to sign up for an English tour and the French receptionist was like, “weez ‘r full at de momeent. You’ll have to take ze Fraaanch tour unless you wait 2 more ooww-weres.”  So, I told him we’d take 3 tickets for the French tour, then we just filed in with the rest of the folks when the English tour started.  Where there is a will, there is a way. 

The tour starts with a 10 minute promo video about the beauty of Taittinger, then we followed our guide down 80 steps to the underworld city of champagne!  The deepest of the caves were dug by ancient Romans.  They were everywhere y’all.  There are approximately 3 miles of caves and 9 million bottles of champagne located here.  During the tour, our guide explained the process of making champagne.

The history of Champagne dates to about 1700 AD and a monk cellarmaster at the Abbey of Hautvillers near the city of Reims. As the story goes, a monk named Dom Pérignon was making wine for his colleagues when, unbeknownst to him, he failed to complete the fermentation before bottling and corking the wine. During the cold winter months the fermentation remained dormant, but when spring arrived the contents of the sealed bottles began to warm and fermentation resumed producing carbon dioxide that was trapped in the bottle. Later that spring Dom noticed that bottles of wine in the cellar were exploding, so he opened one that was intact and drank, declaring “Come quickly! I’m drinking stars!” Thus, Champagne was born and named after the region where it was discovered.  Today Möet & Chandon make a Champagne named in honor of Dom Pérignon, the serendipitous inventor of Champagne. A bronze statue of the famous monk stands outside Möet & Chandon in Epernay, France.

Today, the production of Champagne is quite different from Dom Pérignon’s accidental discovery.

The key reaction of winemaking is alcoholic fermentation, the conversion of sugar into alcohol and carbon dioxide by yeast. The maximum amount of alcohol attained through alcoholic fermentation is about 15% because the yeast cells are killed by high alcohol concentration.  Most still wines (i.e., table wines) contain 12 to 14% alcohol.

The key process in producing Champagne is a SECOND fermentation that occurs in a sealed bottle. The entire process is described below.
                    
SELECTING THE CUVÉE (La Cuvée)
The cuvée is the base wine selected to make the Champagne. The most expensive Champagnes are made from cuvées from selected vineyards in the Champagne region. Cuvées can be from a pure grape variety, such as Chardonnay or Pinot Noir, or can be a mixture of several grape varieties. Chardonnay is a white grape variety with white juice, Pinot Noir a red grape variety with WHITE juice. Pinot Meunier, a relative of Pinot Noir, also is used extensively. The slight rust color imparted to some Champagne results from using Pinot Noir cuvées that acquire some red color from contact with the skins. The longer the juice remains in contact with the skins, the darker red it becomes. If a Champagne is made exclusively from Chardonnay, it is called “blanc de blanc,” white wine from white grapes. Most Champagne is made from mixed cuvees. The alcohol content of the cuvee is usually around 10%.                                            

  

THE TIRAGE
After the cuvée is selected, sugar, yeast, and yeast nutrients are added and the entire concoction, called the tirage, is put in a thick-walled glass bottle and sealed with a bottle cap.  Then, the bottle is placed in a cool cellar (55-60°F), and allowed to slowly ferment, producing alcohol and carbon dioxide. Since the bottle is sealed, the carbon dioxide cannot escape, and,thereby producing the sparkle of champagne.

AGING ON DEAD YEAST
As the fermentation proceeds, yeast cells die and after several months, the fermentation is complete. However, the Champagne continues to age in the cool cellar for several more years resulting in a toasty, yeasty characteristic.  The best and most expensive Champagne is aged for five or more years.

RIDDLING (Le Remuage)

After the aging process is complete, the dead yeast cells are removed through a process known as riddling. The champagne bottle is placed upside down in a holder at a 75° angle. Each day the riddler comes through the cellar and turns the bottle 1/8th of a turn while keeping it upside down. This procedure forces the dead yeast cells into the neck of the bottle where they are subsequently removed. A riddler typically handles 20,000 to 30,000 bottles per day.

 

DISGORGING
The Champagne bottle is kept upside down while the neck is frozen in an ice-salt bath. This procedure results in the formation of a plug of frozen wine containing the dead yeast cells. The bottle cap is then removed and the pressure of the carbon dioxide gas in the bottle forces the plug of frozen wine out leaving behind clear champagne. At this point the DOSAGE, a mixture of white wine, brandy, and sugar, is added to adjust the sweetness level of the wine and to top up the bottle.  The bottle is then corked and the cork wired down to secure the high internal pressure of the carbon dioxide.  The sweetness levels of champagne range very dry (ultra brut) to very sweet (doux), with brut being the most common.  Personally, I love demi-sec.
    
Many Champagne houses produce “luxury cuvées,” their best and most expensive wines. Dom Pérignon is the luxury cuvée of Möet & Chandon; Cristal is pride of Roederer. Bollinger produces R.D. or “recently disgorged” wines. For example, you can purchase a 1982 Bollinger R.D. that was disgorged in April 1991, nine years after being placed in the bottle. (source “Making Champagne” by Alexander J. Pandell, Ph.D.).

We had a group of senior citizens on our tour…if you read my Las Vegas post, you know how they keep it real.  At the very start of the tour, Archie starts in.

Archie:  Excuse me.  That was an excellent overview of the champagne making process.  Really, it was very, very good.  You have great oratory skills.  I just have a question…are you a member of the Taittinger family?
Francy the Guide:  Um, thank you.  No, I am not a member of ze Taittinger famileee.  I work for the family giving tours of the cellars and explaining how champagne is made.
Archie:  You aren’t a member of the family?  Well, do you want to do this forever?  What’s your 5 year plan look like?  You can do better than giving tours.
Me: Seriously?  Again?  Why, God?

You know the Oldies but Goodies Group had to worry that guide with 1000 questions and block everything.  We just gave up trying to participate and meekly just followed them at a distance.  I couldn’t do it.  In fact, I was just looking for the exit so I could start the champagne tasting.

It was magnificent to see millions of bottles fermenting.  I want a cellar in my next home.  The House of Nichole.  That’s going on my Vision Board right now.

The expensive bottles were behind locked gates.

We then get to my favorite part of the tour…drinking!  I love Taittinger.  It really is very smooth.  I’m partial to sweeter champagnes (demi-sec) than dry (brut).  But, I will drink it all 🙂

Martel

We then head over to the next champagne house…Martel.  This offers a homey contrast to Taittinger’s more “business” ambiance.  At this point, I was done with touring cellars figuring that once you’ve seen 1, you pretty much know what to expect.  I just wanted to go drinking.  Unfortunately, Martel didn’t offer tastings without the tours.  Renee and I did end up buying a couple of bottles of champagne since I love Martel too.
  
 
After we leave Martel, we head another champagne house which allowed tastings without a tour (yay!) and met some people from the U.S. who happened to be at every house we were visiting.  The husband & wife now live in Brussels due to a job transfer with FedEx and their friend was over for vacation.  I believe he bought an entire case of champagne (so of course, I realized immediately that he was cool).  At this point, Renee & I are feeling no pain.  Look how happy we are!

Champagne is the new black.  Live it, love it.  Can’t stop, won’t stop.

Epernay
 

After leaving our last champagne house in Reims, we catch a train to Epernay because I have always wanted to visit Moet & Chandon!  However, we arrive just as they are closing so no tastings. 
 

I do get a pick with Mr. Perignon though!
 

We walk up Avenue de Champagne

Past Hotel Ville (City Hall)

And see a couple more champagne houses.
 

Renee was able to buy a couple more bottles of champagne and then we had dinner before heading to the train station to catch the last train back to Paris.

While we were waiting for our train back to Paris, we met a girl named Toni.  She’s 25 and her story is so fascinating.  Toni sold her stuff and moved overseas with her passport and a backpack.  She ended up getting a job on a yacht as part of the crew and has 3 months off each year where she just travels around Europe and does some sort of work exchange…so, she basically works for a room to sleep in.  I was like, “um, how can I do that?”  Some of the jobs she has is bartending, waitressing, working in a kitchen, etc.  You work out the particulars before you actually arrive in the city.  Now that is cool!