Tag: Europe

The French Riviera: Days 4 & 5 “Livin’ it up, Monte Carlo-style”

3 Comments

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Hey everybody! My Mom and I finished our vacation in the French Riviera with 2 days in Monte Carlo.  It is a beautiful place! Approximately 45 minutes from Nice by bus, Monaco consists of 3 distinct tourist areas: Monaco-Ville, Monte Carlo, and La Condamine. Most of this small country was built on a cliff.  The streets are a bit narrow and since it’s built into a cliff, things seem a little congested but it is breathtaking so you sort of just overlook that.  This place has a very distinct feeling of “money”…people have it.  That is obvious.  For me and my poor little pockets, well…I was pretending 🙂 

When taking the bus from Nice, you will ride along the Low Corniche.  If you want to take the route all the way to Menton (like we inadvertently did), it takes just an hour.  You pass thru the beautiful villages of Villefranche-sur-Mer, Cap Ferrat, and Beauliu-sur-Mer on your way to Monte Carlo.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Monte Carlo Bay

Monte Carlo Bay

Once we arrived in Monaco, we checked into our FABULOUS hotel, the Monte Carlo Bay Resort & Hotel.  The resort has a casino, gym (with free personal trainers) and a spa. I was able to hit the gym and get a good 45 minute run in before hitting the casino.  My absolute favorite thing about Monte Carlo?  THE CINQ MONDES SPA!  OMG, this place is heaven on earth.  Seriously.  The purpose of our visit to Monte Carlo was to gamble & spend a day at the spa.  Well, we lost at the casino (I love roulette and my numbers weren’t hitting all night…and I just knew I was about to hit it big and live the life of a newly rich jetsetting diva…but, it apparently wasn’t meant to be that day *sobs*).   On the plus side, the spa more than made up for it.

Japanese Bath

Japanese Bath

I’ve been to countless spas and this has to be the absolute best in my opinion. We started out in the hammam to relax prior to our spa services. My first service was the “Aromas & Flowers Japanese Bath” — and it was the most fabulous thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. It was like Christmas!  The Japanese Bath is essentially a big wooden tub that traps heat so the water never gets cold.  You step into the tub of very warm water, then you have aromatherapy oils poured over you in the water.  Once that is complete, rose petals are sprinkled on top of you.  Next, the masseuse places a pillow under your neck and proceeds to give you a scalp and neck massage.  Afterwards, you are left alone for about 15 minutes to relax.  Once you are fully rested, the masseuse brings you peach tea, honey and dried fruit to snack on while still in the bath.  Um, seriously…did I mention this was HEAVEN?  Because it is.  I do not think I will be able to replicate this in my own tub with some Calgon & Lipton.  You already know I was notating everything because my next home needs a relaxation room like this.

After the Japanese Bath, I had an Oriental Massage which was basically laying on hot towels being massaged with warm oils. Total bliss. Once the services were over, I was taken to the “Relaxation Room” to lay down with more peach tea & honey.  I would go back to Monte Carlo just for the spa.  It was that fabulous.  Want to know more about this fabulous resort?  Check out my hotel review here.

Cathedral

Cathedral

The next day, Mom and I head out to do some sightseeing.  We decided to take the bus from the hotel around this “city”.  Word of caution…if you don’t speak French, you may be a bit challenged as there are no English translations and it’s not really clear where the stops are. 

Monaco-Ville is the oldest section of Monaco and contains the Royal Palace, the Cathedral (which holds the tombs of Prince Rainier & Princess Grace), the Cousteau Aquarium, and the Exotic Gardens (pictures are in the slideshow below). 

Tomb of Princess Grace

Tomb of Princess Grace

Tomb of Prince Rainier

Tomb of Prince Rainier

The famed Monte-Carlo Casino

The famed Monte-Carlo Casino

The district of Monte Carlo is the area around the famous Monte Carlo Casino (which has a cover charge and dress code).  The area is absolutely gorgeous but it is very tight & congested since everything is built very close together.  It’s also very expensive.  Breakfast was 35 euro/per person…and this was a continental breakfast.  Once you get over the sticker shock, you can really enjoy it and see that it is a wonderful place to visit. 

The were a couple of cool sculptures across the street from the casino (which remind me of sculptures I saw in Vigeland Sculpture Park in Oslo, Norway).

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Overall, the French Riviera was really nice and a wonderful experience. I can only imagine how wonderful it is when the temperatures allow you to get in the water. Nice was my favorite city as it lends itself to a lot to do. Monte Carlo is nice…but I would suggest that you day trip over from Nice. It’s not really worth 2 days unless you want to stretch it out. Cannes…that was one of those places where I can say I’ve been there. But, not interested in going back as there really isn’t much there to see.

Here are some of my favorite photos:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Next stop…Milano!

The French Riviera: Day 3 “Yes We Cannes”

2 Comments

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAJanuary 4, 2010

Bonjour!  It’s day 3 and today was cold and overcast. We woke up this morning and went to our favorite cafe, Grand Cafe de Lyon, for our croissants & cafe au lait.  How am I going to live my life without this cafe near my home?  Clearly they need an Atlanta location [makes note to self to speak with manager about this].

We head out to see the Russian Cathedral before taking the train to Cannes (which is about 30 minutes from Nice).  As we are walking, I notice that almost every dog has on a designer outfit!  Seriously.  Let me ask you a question.  What dog do you know in the U.S. that is rocking a leather jacket????  Not Riley.  He wrote a blog post about dogs dressing up.  These dogs don’t wear plain little coats…they have designs and ruffles.  Like they are about to go on the runway at a Stella McCartney fashion show.  There is even a dog & cat clothing store.  I kid you not.  And, the dogs have the nerve to get attitudes if you stare a little too long…like they think you are about to steal their designer duds.  There is a dog in the apartment building we are staying in who barks as soon as you come into his line of sight.  But, I think that’s because he may be the poor relations around town since he didn’t havean outfit on.

Anyway, the train station is in the opposite direction from the promenade and the markets which we saw yesterday.  As we are walking to the cathedral, the “element” (you know who I am talking about) seems to be more prominent.  Maybe they don’t let them visit the nice part of Nice???  Anyway, it’s cold & rainy so I am focused on following the map to get to the cathedral.  I then start to notice that the area isn’t as pretty as other parts of the city but it has “character”.  However, my Mom stops me and asks, “Is this the ghetto? Why is dog crap all over the sidewalks?”  It was too much for her and I knew she was ready to hightail it back to the bourgeoisie part of town.  But I was determined to see the cathedral so she was going to have to talk to New Brenda and tell her to come on. LOL.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWe finally find the Russian Cathedral and it’s nice…but not exactly what I expected.  I guess because it was in the ghetto?  I expected something a bit grander (and in a nicer area of town).  Kind of like expecting St. Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City and getting St. Mary’s Hold My Mule So Help Me God Church of Christ AME on Bankhead Highway.  But, it was still pretty.

My Mom and I start walking to the Nice Ville train station.  Now, I don’t know why I think things in Europe are different.  In the states, the Greyhound is always in a seedy part of town.  But, I thought that since the train I took from London to Bath was in the nice Piccadilly area, maybe that’s how they roll across the pond.  I guess they didn’t share the memo with Nice. 

Then it happens.  We are waiting at a stoplight and suddenly some man almost knocks down a woman who is standing next to us waiting to cross at an intersection.  The lady was very dramatic about the whole scene and I recognized crazy instantly.  And, let me tell you…Nice has a whole new brand of crazy I ain’t never seen before (and yes, I had to use a grammatically incorrect sentence to highlight this fact).  My Mom was a beat behind since she thought it was just an ugly woman (he was a tad large and had man-breasts) but he had a buzz cut so I don’t know what she was thinking.  Being in the ghetto had her shook, I guess.

Anyway, Beat’em Up Bertrand (hereinafter known as “BUB”) dang near assaults a woman trying to rush to make the bus…and ends up missing it.  This is wear the C.R.A.Z.Y. comes out.  BUB decides he’s gonna cuss out the bus driver (or maybe just the bus because it was rolling down the street without poor BUB).  Then, once the bus is out of site…he decides to cuss out everybody else.  We are walking behind him and it’s like a bad car accident you just can’t stop looking at.  This fool takes his bottle of whatever (probably whiskey…you know crazy likes to stay bourre).  Oh, now “bourre” is my new favorite French word. It means “drunk” and is pronounced “boo-ray”.  You know I use it in sentences like, “I think he’s bourre’d” (because I don’t know how to conjugate in French so work with me).  That’s just how we do in Atlanta.  Anyway, Bourre Bertrand takes his bottle of spirits and THROWS it at a car that is pulling up to the intersection.  People are looking around at BUB but nobody says anything.  Not even the driver of the car.  They recognize he is bourre’d.  My Mom and I cross the street because that’s what my Grandmama told me to do when you see crazy.  He was out of control crazy. I don’t know what he was saying as it was in French but I have a pretty good idea because crazy people usually use the same 4 key phrases.  Maybe he should’ve walked over to the cathedral and talked to someone.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAfter witnessing the Battle of Bourre, we finally make it to the train station and are on our way to Cannes.  As I stated above, Cannes is about 30 minutes by train from Nice.  This city’s focus is on big money and shopping.  You won’t find a lot of museums.  But, the shopping and hotels are phenomenal if you can afford it (and sadly, I could not).  We went inside the Hotel Carlton (which I believe was the hotel used during the Cannes episode of “Entourage” but I need to double-check) and is the most famous address on the boulevard de la Croisette.  Rooms start at 750 Euro and go up to 5300 Euro. They embroider your name on the bathrobe and everything.  It really is a beautiful hotel.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

After leaving the Hotel Carlton, we went to see the Film Festival Hall where they show the movies during the annual Cannes Film Festival.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Afterwards, we ate at LaMocca restaurant which is across the street. I had the Tandoori Chicken & Coconut Mashed Potatoes.  I wasn’t sure how the mashed potatoes would taste with coconut but I’m always game to try something new.  It was delicious! My Mom had the antipasta dish which was tasty as well.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

At this point, it’s getting dark so we head back to the train station.  The train back to Nice was delayed by 30 minutes so I felt at home since this is a normal occurrence on MARTA 🙂  After we finally get on the train…next thing I know, the metro police are rushing through the train.  Some guy is looking guilty…like he may be trying to get his 13 virgins or something.  At this point, I’m like, “Are you there, God? It’s me, Nikki. Tell Margaret to hold on because she’s been tying up the line for dang near 40 years! Please save me from crazy and the Taliban. Amen.”  I guess he heard my prayers because the final 20 minutes were peaceful.

We leave Nice tomorrow morning and head over to Monte Carlo so I can win big money at the blackjack and roulette tables (cross your fingers!).  Au revoir!!!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The French Riviera: Day 2 “Nice is Nice”

Leave a comment

La Nice est magnifique!OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

January 3, 2010

Bonjour!  Today was our first full day in Nice.  The weather was mild (but still needed a coat) and the skies turned sunny by early afternoon.  Nice is a beautiful city.  You will fall in love with the market, the buildings, the sea, the people!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWe got a bit of a late start today due to jet lag but once my Mom and I got started, we were good to go.  The first item on our agenda was to walk about 5 minutes to Avenue Jean Medecin to find a place for breakfast.  We found the perfect cafe which had the best croissants & cafe au lait!!!  And, it was just 8 euro for 2 people!!!  You can’t beat that. 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAfter breakfast, we walked down to Place Massena (which is Nice’s ground zero — everything old meets new).  I tend to agree with Rick Steve’s when he says that standing here makes him feel like he’s in St. Mark’s Square in Venice.  It has that feel…especially with the curved buildings around a central place/piazza. It also reminds me of Disneyland in a way.  With the colorful markets, Christmas decorations, piped-in music of children singing songs…it really had a fairytale feel.  But, then they started playing a Michael Jackson song so…maybe a Neverland feel?

 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

After leaving Place Massena, I happened to see the most fabulous faux fur vest in a store window.  It was on sale and it fit.  It’s like the fates declared for me to have it! 

I was a bit nervous with the shopping because everybody that I see in France is tiny.  The store didn’t have sizes on the garments…I guess they could eyeball you to tell you whether or not you needed to keep on walking.  Although they spoke limited English (and I, limited French), the clerk & I were able to have a limited conversation…enough for him to ask if I was from South Africa.   

Which brings me to a point of observation…everybody who knows me well knows that I research my travel destinations thoroughly before I arrive.  Well, I had read several places that the French were a bit aloof and that you should have a rudimentary understanding of French or they would give you the side-eye.  That has not been my experience at all.  Most of the people I have met have been very friendly and understanding of my language “handicap”.  If we can’t figure something out with hand signals & my French/English phrase book, they find someone who can translate.  I do find myself defaulting to Italian when I’m searching for French words which just confuses them even further.  As far as people being rude, honestly, it’s the same as in the U.S.  As long as you are respectful and smile, the French will love you!

I met a guy named Bruno who was born in France but moved to Georgia (the U.S. state, not the country) when he was 16.  He actually owned a hair salon in Roswell for about 16 years or so before deciding to move back to Nice with his wife (who is American).  Bruno is fabulous…love him!!!  Now, I will admit that it is sometimes hard for me to understand accented English.  My friend, Abenaa (who is from Ghana), will testify to that.  I may have a blank look on my face while I try to figure out what you just said.  But, eventually, I will either get there or ask you to repeat what you said 🙂

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASo, back to our day.  We ended up shopping at the outdoor markets.  Let me just say that I absolutely LOVE the outdoor markets.  Nice is known for growing lavender and olives (and they have lots of it).  Everything is so fresh and upscale.  People are out with their dogs (they even bring them into cafes!).  Riley (my cocker spaniel) would be in heaven.  Maybe I’ll try to find him a little beret.  Of course, Riley is from the streets so I know he wouldn’t even entertain that.  Plus, he likes to fight so we’d get to walk about 2 minutes into the market before he thinks a Jack Russell terrier is mean mugging him and wants to go “introduce” himself.  He will probably write about it in his blog.

While in the market, I come across a beautiful painting and asked the seller if he is the  artist.  He says yes and we have a limited conversation (as he isn’t selling croissants or cafe au lait, I don’t have much more French to use).  I instantly fell in love with the painting as it seems so peaceful.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

After leaving the market with gifts for family and friends, we finally get to the the famed Promenade des Anglais (or “walkway for the English”).  It’s a 4 mile promenade along the Mediterranean Sea with stunning views of Nice around the bay.  This is what I had been waiting for.  The views are absolutely gorgeous!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

As we walked down the promenade, we came across some “rollerblade street performers”.  I have never seen anything like this.  They do all these rollerblade tricks to French & American hip hop music.  They were actually very entertaining.  We need that on Peachtree!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

After that, we continued down to the Palais de Mediterranee (which is gorgeous). 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Once we completed the 4 mile walk, we headed back to our flat thru Old Town Nice. 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Then back home to rest & blog.  Tomorrow — Cannes!  Au revoir!!!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The French Riviera: Day 1 (Getting There)

2 Comments

*I’m migrating posts from my old blog to this site…so don’t get alarmed and think I’m suffering from dementia.  I still have at least 6 months before that gets ahold of me fully.*

French Riviera guidebook

January 2, 2010

Happy New Year everyone!!!  I pray that you all have a prosperous, blessed & happy 2010!  So excited to start the year off in Nice, France!  I decided that I was going to be a more patient person in 2010.  “New Nikki” is supposed to just brush off irritations and frustrations.  “Old Nikki” has been struggling with that concept for some years 🙂 

So, to that end, I decided to give US Airways another try for international travel.  If you read my Italy travel blog post from my trip in 2007, you already know that this was a big step for me as I had named them Beelzebub Airlines due to the drama that I had to deal with (delayed flights, lost luggage, etc).  So, New Nikki thought 2010 would be a year of second chances.  Sigh.  I arrived at Indianapolis International Airport 3 hours ahead of time since crazy folks had been out during Christmas trying to take down flights with firecrackers & possibly a 5 oz bottle of contact solution.  As soon as I stepped to the kiosk to check-in, the gate agent asked if I was connecting thru Philadelphia (where B-bub ALWAYS has an issue).  Once I answered affirmatively, the agent told me that he would need to re-book me on another flight since the flight I was scheduled to take in 3 HOURS would be late.  Apparently, the plane was having mechanical problems and they only have like 5 planes that operate nationally.  Seriously.  Why are there never enough planes to accommodate the mechanical failures?  Don’t they have Service Level Agreements with the manufacturers??? 

Anyway, B-bub Airlines decided to test New Nikki on the very first day of 2010.  The agent stated that instead of arriving in Nice at 10am, I would arrive late afternoon which effectively took out 1 day of my vacation.  New Nikki tried to see the silver lining, Old Nikki was like, “F&*K THAT!”  But, it’s a new year and I couldn’t cave 11 hours into 2010.  So, I sucked it up and tried to put a positive spin on it.

After waiting 5 hours, we are able to board the “repaired” plane.  The plane is pushed back from the gate…then the PA system comes on and the pilot says, “Brakes still don’t work.  Guess they weren’t fixed in Philadelphia.  Sorry.  We will have to cancel this flight.”  New Nikki — “At least we found out before we taxied too far”; Old Nikki — “F&*K THAT!”  I am a cracked plate, y’all.

Good news is that B-bub was able to get us on another flight within 30 minutes but I still missed my connection.  Which meant another 4 hours of waiting.  This caused me to drink a large number mimosas and wine in an effort to soothe my nerves.  Trust and believe that.  New Nikki tried to think “at least the international flight was only delayed by 10 minutes.”  Old Nikki’s response?  I think you already know.   I was able to leave B-bub in the dust and fly Air France from Paris to Nice.  Of course, B-bub is a bad influence because you know that after traveling for 22 hours, we get 2 crying kids in our row and the row behind us.  

I’ve decided that US Airways is like that friend you don’t really like but you feel sorry for them because they are so pitiful and against your better judgement, you decide to hang out with them.  You know the type.  They call, beg you to hang out and they even offer to drive.  Only to tell you after you are dressed and waiting that either 1) the car doesn’t have any tires or 2) they are running an hour late.  New Nikki has to side with Old Nikki on US Air.  It’s a wrap.

So, it took a total of almost 24 hours for me to fly from Indianapolis to Nice.  But, I am here and it’s fabulous so I’ll stop complaining.

We took a taxi to the apartment rental and let me tell you…these cabbies drive Audis and Mercedes and the few that I saw look like male supermodels (I’m sure there are a few that may not be runway ready but hey…New Nikki is trying).  Our taxi driver even turned up Jay-Z & Alicia Key’s “Empire State of Mind” during the drive.  So, not only do you get a cabbie, you get a dj!

After arriving late afternoon, My Mom and I checked into our vacation rental.  I got the idea of renting an apartment from tripadvisor.com.  There is much more space and it’s cheaper than a hotel.  Great location, free internet, lots of room and it’s really peaceful.  We rented a 2 bedroom apartment from Nice Pebbles.  As you can see below, it’s a really cute little place and definitely a sight for sore eyes after a long day of travel. 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


We will do some sightseeing tomorrow.  Good night!

2012 Update:  New Nikki never made it back.  She tries to make an appearance every year but sadly, she ends up being beaten to death by Old Nikki in a fit of rage over something.  She’s going to try to make it work in 2013 but I think we all know how that is going to end.  Don’t tell her though…she has hope.  And clearly some issues since she’s talking about herself in the 3rd person.

Travelin’ Mr./Mrs. Daisy

1 Comment

This post is intended to help you learn how to travel with your parents.  Once your parents are eligible for social security, something happens.  I don’t know what it is.  But trust me.  Here are some handy dandy tips to make your family travel experience smoother.

1.  Guidebook Dilemma

Most of us use guidebooks to prepare and use for travel.  It makes sense to follow the advice of someone who has been there, done that.  Unless you are my Dad.  I swear by Rick Steves.  His guidebooks have always provided me with helpful tips.  However, a map (usually hand drawn in the books) was off/unclear during our trip to Rome.  Which meant that Rick can’t be trusted to tell you the time of day.  Sorry, Rick.  You had your chance.  No second chances with Mr. Daisy.  My Dad acts like he suffers from Rick Steves PTSD.  When I suggest some international destination to visit, his response is, “Did Steve Bob’s recommend that?”  Because he is not going to get Rick’s name right.  That’s what happens when you have 2 first names & you mess up directions.

My Mom, however, has to find every book related to the country we plan to visit.  I usually stick with the big 3:  Rick Steves, Lonely Planet or Eyewitness Travels.  She found The Cadogan Guide to Morocco by Barnaby Rogerson on Amazon.  This guide has a bit more color than usual guides. For instance, Mr. Rogerson says the following about sexual attitudes in Morocco, “”Moroccans also tend to think of themselves as immeasurably more virile & potent than Western men. However chaste your intentions, why not pack some condoms beside the sun cream and romantic fiction?” Really, Barnaby? Now I have to put an “elderly lock” on my Mom’s laptop.

Do yourself a favor and just handle all the travel and prep.  Monitor their internet & tv usage because this can lead to trouble.  Retired people find time to explore & become scholars based on the latest gossip from “Spacebook”.  My Dad has become an international travel expert based solely on 60 Minutes reports from Mike Wallace that aired 15 years ago.  It doesn’t matter if you have been there and he hasn’t.  You don’t know the real deal.  Don’t become a victim.  You will only get confused trying to wade thru their attempt at using hip jargon.  My Dad can’t grasp the concept of BFFs.  He keeps saying BSFF…like it’s Best Super Friends Forever.  I don’t know.  See how I just got sucked into that?

Only 8 kilometers? Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis? That should say 12!

The look they give you when you suggest something “exotic”.

2.  You’re Taking Me Where?

Not all elderly parents (and by elderly, I mean anybody older than you) can handle “exotic” trips to Miami.  I blame Mike Wallace.  My Dad isn’t into traveling to Africa and Italy was full of too many basilicas.  When I suggested London, I was met with “I don’t want to look at butter teeth.”  I tried to explain that their dental care has improved since the 1800’s but Mike can’t verify that since he passed away.  I then attempted to talk my Dad into going on a safari.  His response?  “I haven’t lost anything in Africa.”  See a pattern?  Don’t try to force it, kids.  Let your parents go on a jazz cruise where they can fall asleep on the Lido Deck after slurping down a 189 ounce daiquiri while listening to the sleepy time music of Brian Culbertson.

Now, if you happen to have an adventurous parent, keep it in perspective.  Your type of adventure isn’t theirs.  There will be no backpacking or taking public transportation.  Understand that now.  You can’t make your mother walk 3 blocks after she spent 202 hours in labor with you 40 years ago.  You are still paying on that.  It’s like labor layaway.  Ease them into the adventure.  Morgan Freeman didn’t tell Miss Daisy to take MARTA.  He made sure she was comfortable and that her needs were attended to.

3.  Once, Twice, Three Times Too Much

Some parents like to overpack.  You know how you grew up hearing, “You can’t ever be too prepared”?  That is a lie.  You can be too prepared.  Don’t fall for that.  And, the older they get, the more “prepared” they get.  During one trip, the guidebook said we should plan to bring toilet tissue as some bathrooms may not have any.  I bought a 24 pack of Tush Wipes and told my Mom not to worry about that.  So why did she show up with 3 rolls of toilet paper?  I don’t know.  Apparently, 24 wipes + 3 rolls of Quilted Northern seemed like the right amount for a 12 day trip for 2 people.  Don’t let your parents take a Sam’s Club approach to packing.  You’ll be the one hauling it around.  Remember, labor layaway.  Some things you can’t get around.  Do you remember Titanic when Rose came on the ship at the beginning of the movie and had 44 trunks and 132 picture frames?  That is what you are battling against.  Don’t let your Mom bring every item from Magellans…or your Dad bring his tool belt because you never know when something will need to be fixed.  Have an intervention if you need to.  Because if you don’t, Delta will.

4.  Picture Time

I took a travel photography class to learn how to capture creative images that don’t look like Honey Boo Boo took them.  This requires setting up your shot…which means you must have patience.  Especially for someone new at it.  I’ve got some news for you.  Elderly parents aren’t patient.  They don’t have time to wait on you to set up a shot.  Take the picture as you are walking.  Who cares if it is blurry.  That’s your fault.  Practice walking and clicking.

The deluxe “ghetto”

5.  25 Star Hotels

Elderly parents have a Kanye West mindset to travel.  Which means that 5 star hotels may not be enough.  Ask yourself this question…Would Oprah stay there?  If you are not 100% certain, then find someplace else.  Yeah, you might have to sell yourself on the streets but that’s what happens.  Labor Layaway.  That’s the Big Joker to any argument you may have.  Parents will always win.  You can’t make your Mom stay someplace that is 4 stars after you ripped her open and then refused to sleep thru the night for weeks.

For example, my Mom and I did the 5 star hotel option for our recent trip to Morocco.  Which included an upgrade to a deluxe tent in the Sahara Desert.  The tent had 2 twin beds (complete with mattresses on frames), bathroom (which included a shower) and sitting room.  But, it is a tent…in the Sahara.  My Mom was like, “What is this?”  I don’t know if she thought there was a Ritz Carlton – Sahara or what.  Now, in my mind, I had already prepared myself for the fact that I would encounter a bug or 2.  I already had my Avon Skin So Soft and Off (courtesy of my Mom).  The operators had the nerve to shut the power off at night so my Mom couldn’t keep the lights on for fear that bats would swoop in, turn into Dracula, and bite us.  What would happen if we turned into vampires?  We didn’t have any True Blood in our emergency preparedness kit (there wasn’t enough space with all the toilet paper).  Around 1am, I awake to my Mom screaming about scorpions.  She’s got her flashlight on and pointed towards her face like it’s the Moroccan Blair Witch Project.  I’m trying to figure out what is going on.  I mean, I know she isn’t serious.  I must be dreaming this.  Did my mint tea have another type of herb in it?  I’m confused.  At this point, she has moved into my twin bed and made the proclamation that she will NEVER sleep in that bed again because there is a scorpion the size of a “cow” in it.  But, before I could find Bessie the Scorpion and lead her out of the tent, my Mom wanted me to see if her arm was swelling.  Sigh.  After confirming that there was no swelling, I check the bed and can’t find the Velociraptor-sized scorpion.  I did see a big cockroach though.  Lest you think we are going to sleep peacefully together in a small twin bed, I’ve got news for you…we are not.  Labor layaway requires counseling sessions as well.  And, my Mom had to question why there was no actual door on the tent.  You read that right.  And, I’m sure that will go into the survey feedback she is working on right now.  See, as you get older, things don’t have to make sense.  A tent in the Sahara to young people means just that.  But to older people?  It means a cottage with a fireplace, butler and an exterminator on speed dial.

I’m pretty sure it was the Scorpion King who came into the tent.

6.  Hustled

Hustlers target older people because it’s easy.  Older people don’t like to be hassled and would prefer to pay you 110% more than you deserve just to get you to leave them alone.  Younger people?  We will protest on basic principle.  If the guidebook says that you should tip $2 to a porter for getting your bags out of the car, you can best believe that that is what you are going to get if there is nothing exceptional about the service.  Are they pushing the luggage up a hill?  Okay, they get extra.  But to take my luggage that I lugged all the way thru the airport and just move it from my hand to the trunk?  TWO DOLLARS, buddy.  But, this philosophy can only work when you aren’t traveling with older parents.  Just pay the man.  I don’t care that you had to ask your guide to go to Lowes – Marrakesh to find a storm door for the tent.  Make it rain.

7.  Trying Something New

Not all parents will try something new.  My Mom is really good about being open to certain things.  But, my Dad?  Forget it.  Here are some examples of new things I tried to expose him to:

Me:  Hi Dad, I brought you some boisenberry jam back from London!  Try it.

Dad: *puts the jam on a biscuit…then spits it out*  This is the nastiest stuff I’ve ever tasted in my life.  Do me a favor and don’t ever bring me back anything to eat.  This must be why they have yellow teeth that look like they’ve been chewing on rocks.

——————–

Me:  I went to a public hammam in Morocco.  It was a surreal experience.  You should try it!

Dad:  I don’t need my booty scrubbed.

——————-

Mom:  I learned how to make chocolate molten lava cake at a Pastry & Desserts class in Paris.  What do you think?

Dad:  This doesn’t have anything on Chili’s chocolate lava cake.  Where is the chocolate sauce?  Why isn’t caramel drizzled over it?  You don’t have any Breyer’s ice cream to go with this?  Paris seems awful plain to me.

I’m sure that my Dad is finding a cooking class at the local Chili’s right now.  That will be his Christmas gift for my mother.  Bottom line, if you are traveling with elderly parents (or just folks that are older and like to go on Robin Leach-style vacations), do yourself a favor and take my advice above.  Need further convincing, read my post from Las Vegas.  Last tip for you?  Pack a flask and your favorite spirits.  You’ll need their guidance 🙂

The Fascinating Finns — Moose, Reindeer & Bears, Oh My!

4 Comments

I had the pleasure of spending 3 days in Finland (2 full days in Helsinki [Vantaa] and a quick day trip to Nokia).  Unfortunately, I had to work most of the time and didn’t have any time to sightsee other than for 15 minutes before dinner one evening.  Therefore, unlike my other posts that cover most of the top attractions of the city, this post will focus more on what I’ve learned about Finland and my experience with the Finnish people.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I arrived in Helsinki.  The one thing about “travelling while brown” is that you have to always be prepared to be the subject of stares.  Which is fine if you are just curious and not ignorant.  Especially if I’m visiting a country where there aren’t many other people of color.  I have to say that I believe my skin color actually provided me with an advantage in Finland. 

I had the pleasure of travelling with a Finnish attorney (Jura) who took it upon himself to try to educate me in everything Finnish during my 3 day trip (complete with trying to learn Finnish phrases…and I am now proud to say I know 3 words…ha!).  As a sidenote, Finnish is HARD.  There are like 19 letters in the word “fish” (or something crazy like that).

Jura explained to me that the Finns don’t do small talk and niceties.  It’s not that they are rude, but they just don’t see the need for a lot of extra conversation.  And, with it being so cold, I understand why (I mean, who wants to stand around hearing about Laaki’s corns when you can’t feel your fingers?).  However, he was surprised in the responses I would get everyplace I went.  The Finns were super nice and went out of their way to be of service.  He said it’s because they know I’m a tourist but I like to think it’s because they know I’m special 🙂  From the hotel  to the restaurants, it was like being among friends. 

My absolute favorite moment was getting to meet Jura’s father.  He is a big bear of a man and was the absolute best!  He picked me up from my hotel to take Jura and myself to the train station and even walked us to the train station platform then waited to make sure we got on the train safely.  At the end of the day, he was waiting for us to get off the train to cart me back to the hotel (and Jura to the airport).  That is hospitality at its best!

I’m naturally chatty so I asked a lot of questions about their history (which seemed to be a very subject of many).  Below are some interesting facts I learned during my stay:

1.  Santa better hide Rudolph because reindeer was on EVERY menu that I saw during my 3 day stay. 

2.  In addition to the reindeer, the Finns eat bear (watch your back, Yogi…maybe get with Rudolph in Witness Protection or something) and the Helsinki airport even sells bear liver pate.  I’m sure that just made you salivate…I’ll wait while you go to Google and search for companies that ship internationally.

3.  The Arctic Ice Bar.  Words cannot describe how much I wanted to check this place out.  Trust me, if I had stayed over a weekend, I’d have been in there with the club-offered parkas freezing my booty off while setting my drink on an ice table.  Per their website, “Inside the icebar the temperature is a constant -5C. Upon entry to the Icebar guests are given a warm cape and gloves to wear.” That is awesome!  Of course, the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time was from a reviewer on Trip Advisor who said, “You won’t find a lot of locals in the ice bar. We think it’s a damn silly idea to pay extra to be cold as we get enough of it for free.”  Ha!

4.  The Finns are required to learn an additional language in primary school (i.e. Swedish, Russian, etc.) and it is required that all men (not sure about women) serve for 9 months – 1 year in the military.

5.  Finland was once part of Sweden, then Russia before becoming its own republic.

6.  This country has 187,888 lakes and 179,584 islands which was created by the effect of the Ice Age (much like the Norwegian fjords).

7.  Want to visit the Arctic Circle?  Just go to the top of Finland!  You can freeze to your heart’s content.

8.  Northern Lights.  Finland (like Alaska) is known for its Northern Lights.  In northern Finland, you can experience 24 hour darkness in January/early February and 24 hours of sun in the summer. 

9.  Looking for a great place to eat?  Try out the FishMarket (which has a great choice of fresh fish prepared in a variety of ways) or Farang (which is delicious Pan Asian food with a Finnish flair) in downtown Helsinki. 

10.  Finns like to hunt and one local favorite is moose. 

Below are the few pictures I was able to take in downtown Helsinki.  Notice how the lakes are frozen around the boats.  Unreal that it was that cold.

     

Nikki’s Nest: Thon Hotel Astoria (Oslo, Norway)

Leave a comment

image sourced from Thon Hotel Astoria website.

Thon Hotels is one of Norway’s largest hotel chains with hotels in Norway, Sweden, Belgium and Holland.  They have 4 types of hotels; City (typically in the city center), Conference (professional conference hotels geared towards business travellers), Budget (simple accommodations) and Resort (suburban accommodations).  I spent 1 night at the Thon Hotel Astoria located at Dronningensgate 21 in Oslo, Norway.  The Thon Hotel Astoria is in their “budget” class of hotels and is centrally located close to the main pedestrian street (Karl Johan), the Oslo S Station, and many restaurants and boutiques and sights.

Promotions

Oslo is expensive.  Seriously.  A small pizza for 1 person averages $40 USD.  With that in mind, taking advantage of promotions is critical.  Thon offers promotions at most of its hotels.  By booking at least 7 days in advance (via their website), you can save money on your stay.  My stay cost 653 Kronor/night (which was approximately $117 USD).

Rooms & Suites

There are 3 types of rooms available:  Standard Single, Standard Double and Standard Triple/Family.  As stated above, this is a budget class hotel which means there are no frills.  I stayed in the Standard Single which had a twin-sized bed, an older tv and a small shower.  While the room is small, it was comfortable enough.

 

The Fitness Center

None

The Spa

None

Dining

Breakfast (the only meal served at the hotel) is included in the cost of the room.  As I left prior to breakfast being served, I cannot review the taste or quality.

Internet

Free wireless internet service is available.  You must get the code from the front desk so I suggest asking for it upon check-in to save yourself a trip downstairs.

Activities

None

Overall

I found this hotel to be comfortable and a great value.  The rooms were clean and cheap.  The only negative was the long line at check-in.  This has been a big complaint from other reviewers.  The lobby is small and there is typically only 1 person working the front desk which makes the check-in process longer than necessary.

I also stayed at the Radisson Blu Scandinavia in Oslo for 1 night (which is considerably more expensive as I paid 1525 Kronor/$284 USD) and I found the Thon Hotel Astoria to be better.  While I can’t give this hotel the rating of a Fabulous 4,  I would definitely stay there again in the future.  Looking for things to do in Oslo?  Check out my city review here and my Norway in a Nutshell review here (if you are looking to visit the fjords).

Nikki’s Rating: 3 “Eh, it’ll do”

Rating Scale 1-5 (1 = GET OUT NOW; 2 = Seriously?; 3 = Eh, it’ll do; 4 = Fabulous; 5 = Absolutely Wonderful)

The “Norway in a Nutshell” Experience

5 Comments

“God dag” from Norway! A couple of months ago, I saw a picture of a Norwegian fjord on Pinterest.  It was so breathtaking that I promised myself that one day I would visit.  I was blessed to have a business trip here so I added a couple of days to experience as much as I could of this country.  Getting to the fjords isn’t as easy you think.  You need to take a series of trains, buses and ferries.  After a lot of research, I found that the easiest way is to take the “Norway in a Nutshell” tour.

This tour is a series of pretty well-organized connections from Oslo to Bergen (and back) via rail, bus and ferry.  Along the way, you will take a train halfway across a mountain, then ride the Flamsbana train down to the Sognefjord for a ferry ride thru 2 off-shoot fjords (Aurlandsfjord and Nærøyfjord). There are also other city & fjord combinations (for more information, check out Fjord Tours). You can buy your ticket directly from Fjord Tours or at the train stations.  One of the great things about this tour is that if one segment is delayed, your next segment will wait as they are all connected.  Since we are short on time, we decided to do the roundtrip tour from Oslo to Bergen…which was 22 hours long! During the summer, you have more options for a shorter tour.

Schedule
8:11 = Train leaves Oslo S train station
12:53 = Arrive in Myrdal
13:02 = Flamsbana train departs Myrdal
14:00 = Arrive in Flåm
15:10 = Boat/Ferry departs Flåm (cruise the Aurlandsfjord and Nærøyfjord)
17:00 = Arrive in Gudvangen
17:25 = Bus departs Gudvangen
18:20 = Bus arrives in Voss
19:20 = Train departs Voss
20:34 = Train arrives in Bergen
22:58 = Night Train departs Bergen
6:26 = Arrive in Oslo

How was the Sognefjord created?

“The process began during the ice age about 3 million years ago.  A glacier about 6,500 feet thick slid downhill an inch an hour following a former river valley on its way to the sea.  Rocks embedded in the glacier gouged out a steep, U-shaped valley, displacing enough rock material to form a mountain 13 miles high.  When the climate warmed, the ice age came to an end.  The melted glaciers retreated and the sea level rose nearly 300 feet flooding the valley now known as the Sognefjord.  The fjord is more than a mile deep, flanked by 3,000-foot mountains (for a total relief of 9,300 feet).” [quote from Rick Steves’ Scandinavia]

Oslo – Myrdal Train

Rick Steves’ Scandinavia describes this as “the most spectacular train ride in Northern Europe.”  You are climbing over Norway’s “mountainous spine” where the scenery gets more dramatic the higher you go.  Honestly, I didn’t find it all that spectacular.  Of course, I fell asleep about an hour into the ride so take it for what it’s worth.  It may actually be spectacular in the summer when the land isn’t barren.  For a beautiful train ride through a winter wonderland, you should check out Interlaken, Switzerland.

Flamsbana Train

Now this train ride had beautiful scenery.  Waterfalls frozen mid-stream, bubbling creeks, snow-capped mountains and rustic little towns.

    

Flåm

This small town is really catered to tourists.  During the winter, most of the restaurants are closed (we were able to find 1 that was open for lunch).  The souvenir shop was open from 1-3pm.

  

Fjord Cruise

This is the real star of the entire tour!  The cruise takes you through Aurlandsfjord and Nærøyfjord (which is the narrowest fjord).  While it was very windy and cold, you easily are caught up in the beauty and serenity of the area.

   

Gudvangen

Rick Steves’ says it best, “Gudvangen is little more than a boat dock with a giant kiosk.”  Seriously…there is nothing more than that (other than a bridge and a bus stop).

  

Voss

This is a plain town that has a beautiful church and a lovely lake.  There isn’t much to do other than walk around while waiting for the next train out.

  

Bergen

I really can’t review this city.  We arrived at night while it was raining and just found a restaurant for a quick bite to eat.  It is a bigger city and recommended as a stop-over by Rick Steves.

Overall

The Norway in a Nutshell tour was fine.  I wish there were an easier way to reach the fjords because, for me, that was truly the highlight of the trip.  Other than the Flamsbana train ride and the fjord cruise, I could have been okay with not doing the rest of the tour.  However, during the summer, it is probably very good as the land will be lush and the days longer.

The night train back to Oslo was great though.  We upgraded to a sleeper car (totally worth the extra 850 Kronor!).  I was so well-rested upon arrival that I didn’t even bother with a nap today.  This tour is a bit expensive (2240 Kronor = approximately 390 USD (without the sleeper car)) but you do have a fully packed day.  While this is officially a “tour”, there is no actual guide.  You receive your tickets and a schedule.  I highly recommend bringing along a guidebook (Rick Steves’ Scandinavia has an excellent step-by-step guide of this tour which helps you to understand what you are seeing and what to expect next).

Looking for a hotel in Oslo?  Check out my review of the Thon Hotel Astoria here.

Sensational Sorrento

7 Comments

Beautiful, bellissima Sorrento.  What an absolutely breathtaking place!  We stopped at a furniture factory on the drive to Sorrento where they made custom-made tables, chairs, music boxes, jewelry boxes, etc.  The work was beautiful!  Here is a picture of my brother standing on top of one of the tables.  The owner told him to stand on it to prove its durability.

There was also this cute little dog who would not let me take his picture.  Every time he saw me coming, he was like, “nope” and ran off.  Finally, I was able to catch him and zoom in.

The views in Sorrento were spectacular!

  

        

Love, love, love Sorrento!  It’s a beautiful & laid-back city.  I love the quaintness & small town feel.  This region is known for Limoncello (a very strong lemon-flavored liquor).  Sorrento is where the legend of the “3 Sirens” originated.  The Seirenes (or Sirens) were three sea nymphs who lured sailors to their death with a bewitching song.  The sound of their singing would drive them mad (kinda like the first few weeks of American Idol) and they would crash their ships into the mountains.  However, Odysseus was hip to their game and put wax in his ears so he was able to sail thru with no problems.  The legend goes on to state that the sirens were so upset about Odysseus out-smarting them that they tossed themselves into the sea and formed the 3 small islands pictured below.

Sorrento is a great anchor city to stay while you visit the Amalfi coast.  The island of Capri and other beautiful towns (Positano, Ravello, etc) are nearby.

One Day in Paris

2 Comments

December 29, 2011

What would you do if you had only 1 day to experience the enchanting city of Paris?

Bonjour!  Aaron, Joyce, Stefanie, Luciana (“The Crew”) and I decide to take a day trip to Paris from London.  While this is my third trip to this intoxicating city, it’s the first visit for my co-travellers.  The great thing about this city is that you can always find something new to discover!  We ended up fitting about 3 days worth of sightseeing into 11 hours.  It was glorious!  If you plan to do a day trip, be sure to get lots of sleep and wear comfortable shoes because it will wear you out!  I’ve covered Paris in 3 other blog posts so most of the info in this post will be high-level (with links throughout to posts with more detail). 

* Just a quick note that this post is going to get risqué by the end since I will be recapping my visit to the Museum of Erotica…you’ve been warned 🙂

Our schedule for the day:

7:01 Depart London St.-Pancras, set our watch 1 hour ahead
10:17 Arrive in Paris, take Metro to Notre-Dame
10:30 Explore Notre-Dame
11:00 Lunch at a French cafe in Ile de la Cite
12:00 Walking tour of the Latin Quarter, Tuileries Gardens, the Louvre, Ile de la Cite/Ile St. Louis, Saint-Chappelle, Deportation Memorial, Pont Neuf, La Comedie Francaise, Opera Garnier, Palais Royale, Place de La Concorde, Palais de Justice, Pantheon, Champs-Elysees. 
3:00 Visit Montmartre area (Sacre-Coeur, Moulin Rouge and Musee de l’erotisme)
6:00 Visit the Eiffel Tower
7:00 Dinner at a French cafe.  Be back at Gare du Nord (train station) by 8:25pm.
9:13 Depart Paris for London (arrive in London at 10:36)

The Crew & I are up at 4:30am to get dressed and take the Tube to St. Pancras station to catch the 7:01am train to Paris.  OMG, it’s early y’all.  Eurostar requires you to check-in at least 30 minutes prior to the train leaving (you also need to account for time to go through security…so budget about 45 minutes or so).  After we check-in, we get breakfast and hang out until it’s time to leave.

 

Once we board the train, it’s about 2 1/2 hour ride to Paris.  We decide to use this time to take a nap.

   

We arrive in Paris around 10:30am (Paris is 1 hour ahead of London) and get on the Paris Metro.  Quick tip:  I purchased our Metro tickets in advance thru Rail Europe (at the same time as our train tickets) and this saved us so much time.  The lines for tickets had about a 20 minute wait.  I just bought day passes so we wouldn’t have to worry about purchasing travel tickets each time we rode the Metro.  It definitely helped us spend more time sightseeing than worrying about logistics.

We hop on the Metro and head towards the Notre Dame stop.  As we exit the train station, we come upon Palais de Justice.

  

Our first stop was the beautiful Notre Dame Cathedral (also known as Our Lady of Paris).  This magnificent cathedral took 185 years to complete (1160 – 1345).  The builders used the popular Gothic style and it’s noted for its flying buttresses.  It has been thru many alterations since completion in order to keep it current with modern conveniences. 

In 1793, during the French Revolution, the cathedral was rededicated to the Cult of Reason, and then to the Cult of the Supreme Being. During this time, many of the treasures of the cathedral were either destroyed or plundered. The statues of biblical kings of Judah (erroneously thought to be kings of France) were beheaded. Many of the heads were found during a 1977 excavation nearby and are on display at the Musée de Cluny. For a time, Lady Liberty replaced the Virgin Mary on several altars. The cathedral’s great bells managed to avoid being melted down. The cathedral came to be used as a warehouse for the storage of food (source Wikipedia).  I find the French Revolution fascinating (I mean, seriously, how out of touch did the royals have to be?).  You can read my comical take on the origins of the French Revolution in my Versailles recap titled E True Versailles Story:  Royals Gone Wild.

The exterior of the church is absolutely breathtaking.  You can see the kings of Judah as well as the Virgin Mary holding Baby Jesus.

   

The inside of the cathedral was beautiful and serene.  All cathedrals have the same layout (in the form of a cross).  It’s a very overwhelming and calming experience.

       

After we leave Notre Dame, we walk to Ile St. Louis (“St. Louis island) and stop for lunch at a little cafe called Le Flore en L’Ile (where they serve the famous Berthillon ice cream).  Ile St. Louis is the high-rent residential area of Paris (Johnny Depp has an apartment here!).

 

We walk past the back of the Notre-Dame and go to the Deportation Memorial.  I’ve been to this area twice before and never noticed this garden nestled among the trees.  The Memorial de la Deportation is a memorial to the 200,000 French victims of Nazi concentration camps. 

Then we cross the Seine…

  

…and see the “love locks”.  Couples who marry place locks along the bridge and throw the key into the river to signify that their love cannot be broken.  No idea what the folks do who have combination locks (maybe those signify pre-nups). 

 

We walk along the Seine towards the Louvre and pass thru the Latin Quarter.  I cover my tour of the Louvre pretty thoroughly in my Paris Ooh La La post (it also includes a recap of the Paris Ghost Tour which was so entertaining).

  

While Joyce & Stefanie toured the Louvre; Aaron, Ciana and I took the Metro to Montmartre to visit Sacre-Coeur.  “The Basilica of the Sacred Heart of Paris, commonly known as Sacré-Cœur Basilica, is a Roman Catholic church and minor basilica.   A popular landmark, the basilica is located at the summit of the butte Montmartre, the highest point in the city. Sacré-Cœur is a double monument, political and cultural, both a national penance for the supposed excesses of the Second Empire and socialist Paris Commune of 1871 crowning its most rebellious neighborhood, and an embodiment of conservative moral order, publicly dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, which was an increasingly popular vision of a loving and sympathetic Christ.  The Sacré-Cœur Basilica was designed by Paul Abadie. Construction began in 1875 and was finished in 1914. It was consecrated after the end of World War I in 1919.” (source, Wikipedia)

Climbing up the steps to reach Sacre-Coeur is a workout in and of itself.  My glutes were on fire!  But the view is phenomenal and well worth it.

  

While the view is fantastic, let me warn you that the pickpockets are out in full effect.  Due to this area being extremely crowded, thieves are always on the lookout for something free.  Sigh.  I covered my own “attempted” pickpocket experience in  The Wonderful World of Paris post.  You already know I had a “I wish a mutha-*&!@ would pickpocket me today!” attitude.  Ha!

After we leave Sacre-Coeur, we decided to stroll through the artsy Montmartre neighborhood.  An interesting fun fact to know is that many artists had studios or worked around the community of Montmartre (such as Salvador Dalí, Claude Monet, Pablo Picasso and Vincent van Gogh).

We pass by a sweet shop and couldn’t resist going in.  I love how happy sugar-filled shops are 🙂

 

As we were chatting and walking down Boulevard de Clichy, I started to notice something.  Every store seemed to have a theme.  Now, if you have tender sensibilities, are under the age of 18 or are my Mom, stop reading, k?  If you want to read but don’t want to admit to your inner freak, then go on and close the door.  I’ll wait.

  

Wait…what?  Does the sign on that store say “Pussy’s”?  I don’t see any cats.  Is that a pimp leaning up against the wall?  OMG, this is the French “Hustle & Flow”.  Now I’ve got that “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” song in my head and I’m gonna be saying ‘mane’ like Terrence Howard. FRACK.  I HATE THAT SONG! 

How did we stumble into the freak nasty section of Paris?  Why didn’t I see this in Rick Steves?  What startled me was that you just kinda came up on it and it was like, “BAM…take off your drawers/panties.”  If you have a heavy sexual appetite, this smorgasbord of sex is for you.  When I was in Amsterdam, I expected freak fest (and let’s be honest…you know you would’ve been all over this too, k?). 

We had about 30 minutes to kill until we met back up with Joyce & Stefanie so we end up going to the Musee de l’erotisme (Museum of Erotica) which was about 10 Euro.  Let me just say that you are not ready for this place.  Seriously.  I thought it would be some sort of campy “museum” but this turned out to be a full-on 7 level museum dedicated to all forms of erotica.  And, it took us much longer than 30 minutes to go through the entire place.  I am not ashamed to admit I learned something!  For those of you “innocents” out there, this is the time for you to put on some pearls so you can get to clutching.

I was not ready.  And, y’all aren’t either.  Which is why I’m taking you on the tour with me (yes, I was *that girl* who whipped out the camera and giggled or said “shut the front door!” while taking pictures for y’all.  You’re welcome).

So let’s get started.  First, let me say that this turned into my birthday present for my cousin, Aaron (since we were in Paris on his special day).  Second, even he was shocked which is saying something.  Third — Mom, are you still reading this?  Aaron made me go in.  I was fine with visiting the cathedrals 🙂

This is the first thing I see when we enter the museum…

Um, what kind of chair is this?  And, is it for sale?

Then it was on to these gems:

   

Each floor as a “theme”.  They start you off tame…then it gets freakier each level you ascend.  The first floor was dedicated to the “religious” and cultural aspects of sex across the world.  The big dildo you see above?  That’s “prayer wood”.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Wooo, stop it.  I cannot see taking that to Zion Hill Baptist Church and shouting out “CALLING ALL PRAYER WARRIORS!” 

Have you been looking for some new sandals for the summer?  Well here you go.

Oh yes, you are seeing right.  Dildo sandals.  I believe they may be multi-purpose.

Then we get to the Japanese proverbs.  This stuff is golden.  I heard a guy saying “this is deep, man.” (you can click on the photos to enlarge).

Then there was the “pillow book”which is basically a how-to manual to subjugate women *eye roll*…

 

Next is the Chinese version of the “Kama Sutra”.

We then head to the next level which is all about brothels. 

 

You can see photos of some of the “working girls” and the ledger of how much pimps/madams made.

Below is an excerpt of a book which basically said that prostitutes became lesbians out of boredom or because they hated how they were treated by men.

Keep in mind that there are a lot of photos but I only took a handful on each floor…didn’t want to seem like a sex-crazed pervert.  We then head upstairs.  Each landing has some sort of erotic art like…

As we come to the top of the stairs, I notice a large flat screen tv and couches with some lighted scented candles.  The tv wasn’t showing anything at that time but I assumed it was a video about the history of erotica.  

Wrong.

So wrong.

Ciana, Aaron and I had been walking around and looking at all the statues, pictures, etc.  I got caught up looking at something (I can’t even remember…I was constantly lagging behind due to taking pictures).  As I walk back towards the stairs, I see the video has started and Ciana & Aaron are slack-jawed.  Apparently, I had just missed what I assumed was the informational video but a new one is starting.  There is a crowd with people sitting on the couch and standing around. 

I turn to look at the tv screen and see it’s a silent movie…and it’s porn.  That’s right, silent porn.  With subtitles…black and white…and looks to have been filmed in the 1920s.  The film was set in a monastery with a “monk” making dinner for 2 “nuns”.  And, I swear that the subtitle said “the sisters decided to have each other for “hors d’oeuvres”.  Wait…what?  Next thing I know, the “sisters” have ripped off each others “habits” and are going to town on each other!  WHAT?  The subtitles keep popping up because apparently you need to be told the continuing storyline in case you got lost.  The “monk” was peeping thru a window and then another “monk” comes up behind him, snatches his pants down and starts having sex with him.  I was done.  I couldn’t watch anymore…in a room full of folks…with a storyline set in church.  I’m trying to see Jesus some day and I don’t have time to explain my visit to the Museum of Erotica to Peter.  I already have way too much to account for.  Which now includes this visit because you know I didn’t leave. 

We turned quickly and went up to the next level…which was “porn thru the years”.  There were 3 smaller tv’s on each table set in a triangle pattern.  This apparently is for more intimate viewing.  But you are still at a table with other folks.  Really?  They had porn from every culture thru a span of 50 or 60 years.  Even interviews with adult film stars.  As we are walking up to the 6th level, we see photos of different “genres” of porn…like vampire porn.  *hangs head*

The 6th floor is dedicated to what I’m gonna call “cartoon” porn.  I’m sure it has some sort of slick name but it’s freaky stuff in cartoon fashion.  Like they needed to draw up Smurfette getting it on with Papa Smurf.  There’s something for everybody here.

The last floor focused on “doll” porn.  Poor Barbie.  She’s a ho.

 

By the time we reached Bimbo Barbie, I was exhausted.  Who knew that looking at all that erotica would wear you out?  We ended up taking the elevator down to the first floor and saw this magnificent display at the exit.

Afterwards, I felt like I needed to smoke a cigarette.  Woooo!  Thanks, Paris.

We leave the museum and head towards Moulin Rouge

Then take the Metro back to the Louvre to meet up with Joyce & Stef.

We all walk from the Louvre thru the Tuleries Garden and see that there is a huge ferris wheel!

 

By this point, our feet are killing us but we still have one more stop before dinner…and that is to the Eiffel Tower!

Then finally, it was time to rest and eat.  We ended up eating at a cafe across the street from the train station.  Which was a good thing because we almost missed our train!  Overall, it was a great day trip.  We were able to see a lot.  I would definitely recommend staying for more than a day because Paris at night is fabulous!  Looking for things to do in Paris?  Check out my post The Top 10 Things to do in Paris.  Au revoir!