Damn You, Delta

Why, Delta, WHY??? I sometimes feel like we have an abusive relationship. When you delay flights which cause missed connections, I tell folks that you don’t mean to and you have a lot going on…you’re just stressed out. Don’t they understand your under a lot of pressure? Then, you give me extra SkyMiles to say you’re sorry and I just can’t quit you. I am the Tina to your Ike.

Until now. Why would you rebook me on an Air Canada flight? They are in the dreaded Star Alliance!!!! They aren’t a band of do-gooders like the Rebel Alliance. Do you know who is in the Star Alliance? The DARTH VADER OF AIRLINES!!!! Freaking US Air! Y’all know how I feel about those jokers. Air Canada gets the side-eye just for being air buddies with them. You running with the wrong crowd, AC!

But, I decide to give Senator Palpatine’s airline alliance another chance because clearly I have the common sense of Jar Jar Binks. This was the only option to get me home tonight. Sigh. So, I do it. It can’t be easy though. See, the SkyTeam “bloods” don’t want the Star Alliance “crips” sharing the same terminal so I had to be escorted back thru security and badged out so I can exit the airport and take a bus to the Death Star (aka Terminal 1).

I’m spoiled. Delta did that to me. I have status. I’m Delta’s boo which means I’m priority…more specifically, Sky Priority. Do you think Air Canada thinks I’m special? Nope. I was promptly told to get to the back of the line like my name was Rosa Parks. No fast lane. I had to wait in line with all the other underprivileged travelers hoping that Sally Struthers would host a telethon helping the agents to speed this line along.

After 14 days (well, 30 minutes), I check-in only to be told that I had to check my carry-on bag and pay $25. Wait. What? Pay? What fresh hell is this? I’m Platinum on Delta! That agent looked at me like, “Where’s Delta now? Pay it or walk to your destination.” Good God. So I pay the fee and ask for a receipt because my boo is paying for this…I don’t care if you have to ask for a loan from Jabba the Hut…I best get my money back.

You’d think that would be the worst of it. You’d be wrong. I then had to go thru customs. I’m Global Entry which means I only need to go to the kiosk for fingerprinting and picture validation. However, since I had just done that an hour earlier, the kiosk was basically like, “Nope! Sorry sucka!” So I had to fill out a form. I promptly told the agent I wasn’t standing in line because it’s not my fault that the kiosk gave me the middle finger. I guess he could see I was on the edge of sanity so he told me to get in the crew line. I did…and this is my conversation with the customs officer after explaining the kiosk fiasco:

Customs: I see your hair is longer than your passport picture from 2006. Are you growing it out?
Me: Yes…but this is also hair I bought.
Customs: Are you wearing a weave? I can’t even tell!
Me: Thanks
Customs: How do you wash it? Do you use soap & water?
Me: *slow blink* Yes, yes I do. It’s hair.
Customs: Sorry, I’m just mesmerized. So, where are you from? Your accent is so exotic.
Me: *WTF??* Indiana.

Not a soul to be seen.

I’m sorry, I thought I was going thru customs, not speed dating. I can’t even concentrate because I’m still mad about the $25!! Once I get thru customs and security, I have to walk the Green Mile thru the backwoods of the Toronto airport to my gate. Why is this gate so far away? How come I don’t see any other people?

Then I see…prop planes?? Seriously?? Jesus take the wheel. iCant with you.

Delta…I quit you. We don’t go together anymore. Don’t call me and tell me how special I am because I don’t believe you! Keep your SkyMiles and pretty trinkets. You have maxed out my emotional debit card & owe me $253.43 + $25 bag fee. Don’t try to pay me in those “free drink” coupons either. Cashier’s check is fine. Next time you see me, I’ll be wearing this shirt.

I’m Baaacckkk!

June 1, 2013December 2, 20145 Comments

Hey, y’all!!! I know it’s been a few months since I’ve last blogged. Did you think I broke up with you? No worries, I only do that via a text message that basically says “it’s you, not me…kick rocks, sucka”.

Honestly, my sabbatical was really due to a combination of writers block, an extremely hectic work schedule and general apathy. Also, I was suffering from mental rickets caused by mud cancer which I contracted during my failed Tough Mudder race in April. Mental Rickets (or “MR” as it’s known in the crazy community) causes dementia & delusions of grandeur which end in the inevitable sobfest that everybody but the sufferer knew was coming because…well, you are crazy. Sorry. I’m a sufferer too. Now that I’m in recovery, I will probably be some poor soul’s sponsor.

Get ready to ride with me again. More posts are coming! I’ll be writing about Tough Mudder (which I have renamed the “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That 5K”), Japan, Hong Kong, Switzerland, London & Amsterdam!! I’ve missed y’all 🙂

In the meantime, check out my passport. She’s got 24 new pages…so we ain’t calling her fat…but pleasantly plump & ready for travel! Just like me. Ha!

Hassan II Mosque (Casablanca, Morocco)

March 4, 2013December 8, 20146 Comments

Chandeliers & windows inside the Hassan II Mosque

The Hassan II Mosque (named after King Hassan II) is the second largest mosque in the world (St. Peter’s Basilica can easily fit inside) and built partly on water. The largest mosque is in Mecca. It has the highest religious minaret in the world at 200 meters high. The mosque will fit up to 25,000 worshippers inside and another 80,000 in the courtyard. It is magnificent! This is also one of the very few mosques open for non-Muslims to visit.

When you enter the mosque, you are given a plastic bag to store your shoes (as you are required to walk barefoot while visiting). As I stated above, the mosque is enormous with beautiful chandeliers and mosaics. In the center, you will see a glass floor that reveals the ocean below which is said to be a reminder of the Qur’an’s statement that God’s throne is upon the water.

In the basement is an ablution room (where you cleanse yourself of your sins) and an absolutely beautiful hammam with a large pool.

Ablution Room

Pool in the hammam

Sign at the entrance to the mosque

View of the mosque on a foggy day.

For me, the Hassan II Mosque was the highlight of Casablanca. If you visit Morocco, most international flights fly into Casablanca…my recommendation is to visit the mosque, then keep driving towards Marrakesh to start your adventure!

March 2, 2013Leave a comment

A little humor for the weekend!

The Riley Hour

Dear Riley,

Last night, my Mom came home from work and started freaking out & screaming. At first, I thought she was drunk but realized that she was home too early to have been at happy hour. All I kept hearing was “BAD GIRL!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” Then, I focus on what she’s screaming about:

She thinks I did it. Didn’t even ASK ME. No benefit of the doubt. No “innocent until proven guilty.” I feel like I’m being animally profiled. Just because the trash can is on its side and its contents are strewn about…all fingers point to me. I’m writing you this letter from jail (i.e. my crate where I’m in time out). How do I acquit myself of these heinous charges?

~Pleading For Paw Justice

_______________________________________________________

Dear Paw Justice,

This is a classic case of animal profiling and I think I can help get you released…

View original post 278 more words

Photos of the Day: Lake Bled (Slovenia)

March 1, 2013December 3, 20142 Comments

Lake Bled is a glacial lake in the Julian Alps in northwestern Slovenia, where it adjoins the town of Bled. We drove over from Trieste for the day. It’s such a wonderful little town! Very relaxing & picturesque. It was also the first time I’d ever seen “horse meat” for sale! I highly recommend taking a day or two to explore the town, Bled Castle and Bled Island!

Scintillating Sicily (In The Godfather’s Footsteps)

February 27, 2013December 8, 20147 Comments

Buon giorno di Sicily! I have to say that while I was excited to visit Sicily to do the tour of The Godfather trilogy filming locations, I didn’t expect the island to be so visually stunning. I think this may be the prettiest place I’ve been so far. Sicily is a cross between Tuscany and the French Riviera.

I love “The Godfather”. I own the trilogy on DVD and can quote most of the lines in the movie. I’m not even sure when this love affair started but it’s one of my favorites (along with What’s Love Got to do With It). Wait, I just realized that I love violent movies…hmmm. And here I’ve been thinking I’m a RomCom kinda girl.

Anyway, when I saw there was a tour of The Godfather filming locations in Sicily, I jumped at the opportunity and the tour did not disappoint. If you haven’t seen the movies then stop reading this post and go watch it now. I’ll wait…

…

While the film states that the Corleone family was originally from the town of the same name in Sicily, the movie was not actually filmed in that town (it was too developed for the scenes that were to be shot). So, Francis Ford Coppola filmed scenes from the first 2 movies in the town of Savoca.

The village of Savoca is so small, so typical, so “not for tourists”. I instantly fell in love! Bar Vitelli was the first thing I saw and my heart seemed to jump out of my body…it was so moving, so exciting!!!!! The Bar is just like in the movie…the table where Michael, Fabrizio and Calo sat…even the door curtains, it was absolutely amazing.

On the walk to the church where Michael and Appollonia married, the view was breathtaking. Only 100 people live in this tiny village!

Below is the church where the wedding took place (you don’t see very little of in the movie).

After looking around inside, I decided to make the same walk Michael and Apollonia did after their wedding from the church to Bar Vitelli.

From here, we drove to Forza d’Agro, another small village where a different church is located. It appears in The Godfather (you see it when Michael goes to Corleone for the first time along with his bodyguards); and in The Godfather 2 (in the scene when Vito escapes to America hidden on a donkey while Don Ciccio’s men threaten the neighbors; also you see it later in the film located when Vito returns with his young family to visit Corleone and settle some old scores). The courtyard in front of the church was filmed in The Godfather 3 where Michael and Kate are dancing after they reunite.

This village has about 700 residents. The views are stunning and you can see the volcano in the background. It actually erupted while we were there but you cannot see the lava until the sun has set.

I wish I had more time to spend in Sicily! There is so much more I’d love to explore. If you are planning a trip to Italy…or elsewhere in the Mediterranean, add Sicily to your travel list. Be sure to take The Godfather Tour…I promise you won’t be disappointed! Happy travels!

Photos of the Day: Alexandria, Egypt

February 26, 2013December 3, 20142 Comments

We arrived in Alexandria around 6am…just in time to see the sun rise. I could hardly sleep the night before in anticipation for what I’d get to see. The first thing I notice as we pull into port is that the water in the harbor is dirty and there are sunken ships (which were actually pretty cool).

Alexandria is the capital where Cleopatra ruled from 51-30 BC. The city was named for Alexander the Great when he conquered Egypt from the Persians. The story of Cleopatra is fascinating. One thing I did not realize is that she was a descendant of Greeks (Ptolemy, who was a general of Alexander the Great). Cleo was highly educated (she spoke 8 languages) and hard core (she killed her sister to have the throne). A big thing back in the day was for sisters and brothers to marry each other and procreate to keep the royal bloodline going. Of course, this resulted in genetic deformities and poor health for the offspring (see the latest article on the DNA testing of King Tut) as well as a touch of the crazy. Anyway, Cleo was married off to her brother (Ptolemy XIII aka “P13”) but she was like, “this is gross and I’m out.” So, she ended up falling out with him and Julius Caesar had to resolve the conflict of who should rule Egypt. P13 thought he could outsmart his sister and keep her from using her charms to get Caesar to rule in her favor. But, he underestimated her. Where there is a will, there is a way. Cleo had herself rolled up in a carpet and was taken right past her brother’s guards in the palace to Caesar. She put her charms on, was granted the right to rule Egypt and made Caesar her first baby-daddy.

After Caesar was killed (“et tu, Brutus?” is one of my favorite lines), Cleo put her charms on Marc Antony and had 3 kids by him. Marc ended up living in Alexandria and boozing it up. When he was defeated by Octavian (Caesar’s heir to the Roman throne and his rival), he was told that Cleo was dead. So, he killed himself. Cleo actually wasn’t dead and when she found out Marc had committed suicide and she had lost the throne to Egypt, she killed herself by having a deadly snake, an asp, bite her. It’s so tragic. Her kids ended up being taken to Rome where the boys were killed so they wouldn’t pose a threat to Octavian but her daughter, Cleopatra Selene, was allowed to live and ended up becoming the Queen of Mauretania.

Hustlin’ Hard: The Story of the Valley of the Kings

February 24, 2013December 8, 20145 Comments

Entrace to the Valley of the Kings

Luxor is home to the Valley of the Kings, Valley of the Queens, Karnak Temple, Luxor Temple and the funerary temple of Queen Hatshepsut (just to name a few). It used to be called “Thebes” in ancient times (which was the capital of Egypt when King Tut & Ramses II ruled). It is believed that Ramses II was the pharaoh when Moses came along asking for him to let his people go. Rams apparently didn’t know Moses (aka Charlton Heston) was an active member of the NRA and thus should’ve taken him seriously.

We arrive in Luxor about an hour and 15 minutes later then board a bus to drive to the Valley of the Kings (“VOK”)…the necropolis of the New Kingdom pharaohs. The VOK (which is home to King Tut’s tomb) is located on the West Bank of the Nile River. The Nile is beautiful (much more so in the country than in the city).

The VOK is purposefully built on the West Bank because the ancient Egyptians believed that since the sun sets in the west, so should their remains. I was unable to take pictures inside VOK because, unfortunately, the people at VOK are like Kanye and Sean Penn as they absolutely forbade cameras. In fact, if you tried to bring a camera in, they said it would be confiscated. And if you tried to be slick and take a picture with a camera phone…they took your phone and fined you $400. So, y’all are just going to have to use your imagination as I describe VOK. I have included a few pictures I sourced via the internet from renegade photographers braver than me (ha!).

Valley of the Kings (source: http://nurdinsembelit.files.wordpress.com)

It ends up being 104 degrees (which apparently is cool since a few days before it was 120). I think I saw the devil when I was walking toward the tombs. He was selling bottled water like, “Welcome to Egypt, y’all.” Anyway, we end up seeing 3 tombs (the tombs of Ramses IX, Ramses I and Ramose). I think Egypt may be the birthplace of hustling. Because, after you paid the fee to get in to see the tombs, there was an additional fee if you wanted to go into King Tut or Ramses VI tombs. Hustlers. You have to show your ticket to the guy at the entrance of each tomb who uses a hole puncher to validate it. This system ensures you don’t see more than 3 tombs without paying extra. Hustlers.

The tombs are built into the desert Theban Hills and they are incredible. It’s hard to believe that such wonderful & intricate artwork was done so many thousands of years ago! So far, 62 tombs have been found. Tombs (before they were discovered and open to the public) held almost everything that the pharaoh owned (including his bed, jewelry, statues of servants who would serve him, etc.)…basically anything they felt the pharaoh would need in the afterlife. Since the tombs contained such valuable items, it’s said that the slaves who built the tombs were killed afterwards so they wouldn’t reveal its location. Too bad they didn’t have Confidentiality Agreements back then. That has got to suck.

Tomb of Ay(source: http://nurdinsembelit.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/valley-of-the-kings/)

To enter most tombs, you have to walk down into the opening of the mountain and while you’d think it would be cool since it’s dark…it’s just hot and stuffy. However, you don’t focus on that too much as you quickly get caught up in the hieroglyphics. The sarcophagus (coffin) of one of the pharaohs was still in the tomb. You know they had a guy standing right by it. Probably to charge you if you touched it. Hustlers.

Egyptian Afterlife (source: http://www.photo2013.com)

Each tomb contained funerary hieroglyphics. Ancient Egyptians believed in eternal afterlife and they had a complex funeral tradition. Bodies of the pharaohs were mummified so that their soul could live on in its embalmed corpse. They took 4 organs (liver, intestines, stomach & lungs) and placed them in beautiful marble jars. The only organ left in the body was the heart which would be weighed in the afterlife. The entire mummification process took 70 days! What I found the most fascinating was the weighing of the heart. That was the final stage in the journey to the afterlife. The god, Anubis (which has the body of a man but the head of a jackal), would weigh the deceased pharaoh’s heart against a feather on a set of scales. If the heart weighed more than the feather (because of living a sinned life) then this beast named, Ammut, devoured it and the pharaoh’s soul would die and they would not live on in eternity. I’m pretty sure that Ammut kept a full belly because a lot of these pharaohs were killing their brothers and fathers and basically doing a lot of dirty stuff to get the throne. You can read a detailed description of the funeral customs here. It was so fascinating that I bought a papyrus painting of the Egyptian Funerary Scene.

After you leave the tombs, you have to wait in the heat (next to Beelzebub) for the little train to come get you and take you back to the entrance. In the meantime, you have to just sit in Hustle City. Those folks were trying to sell you EVERYTHING! They are relentless. It’s like their mantra is “Hustle or Die”. Seriously. I’m gonna see about getting them a record deal because this is just plain ridiculous. You know the package of fold out postcards? Well, they had those (which had seen a better day) and would whip them out and let them fall down all dramatically like they are David Copperfield getting ready to show you a magic card trick. If you refused to buy it, they wanted to know why. It didn’t matter if you had already bought one from Muhammed. Ali Babba doesn’t care about that. He wants you to buy his 1970 postcards with the coffee stains. You can get it for $1! What? You still don’t want it? What about a book on the VOK? You can’t read? No problem. It’s got pictures. It can be yours for $5! Why are you walking away? Oh, they will just follow you and worry the mess out of you (while smoking their cigarettes). They were determined that you were going to do a customer feedback survey. You would think you are saved when the little trolly/train shows up to take you back to the entrance. Surprise! Foodoo gets out of the driver’s seat and brings his postcards and books to sell them to you BEFORE HE WILL TAKE YOU BACK TO THE ENTRANCE. Stop the madness, Egypt. It’s 104 degrees in the hot desert…and I left my water on the bus, people are stinking and the hustlers are swarming around you like mosquitoes with the West Nile virus.

But for the heat (and really, that is my fault because I should’ve known better than to visit the desert in the summer) and the hustling, the Valley of the Kings is absolutely fascinating! I was so amazed & enthralled by the ancient Egyptian traditions. The VOK is a “must see” during your visit to Egypt!

Photos of the Day: Karnak Temple (Luxor/Thebes, Egypt)

February 23, 2013December 3, 20142 Comments

I’ve been obsessed with visiting Karnak Temple ever since I saw The Mummy Returns. When the opportunity arose to visit, I jumped at the chance! This open-air museum is very interesting with its decaying temples & hieroglyphics. Located in the ancient city of Thebes, this temple is said to be the largest ancient religious site in the world & second most visited site in Egypt…behind the Pyramids of Giza (source Wikipedia). It was even more majestic than I had imagined. At the heart of Karnak lies the Temple of Amun…king of the gods. Karnak has everything…endless courts and halls, a sacred lake, statues of pharaohs, etc. This was the highlight of my visit to Luxor. It’s AMAZING!

Interested in visiting Egypt? Read my review here.

Photos of the Day: Life’s a Beach

February 19, 2013December 3, 20144 Comments

It’s been less than a week and I’m already missing the beach. Something about water calms me…it’s like an instant shot of happiness 🙂 Maybe I need to get an “ocean waves” app or something…but then I’m nervous that it will make me want to pee all the time. Hmmm…I guess the next best thing to being there is staring at pictures!!! As I started looking thru my online photo albums, I realized that I’ve been BEYOND BLESSED to visit so many amazing places! And I’d like to share a few of them with you. So, get your pretend swimsuit, a very real cocktail, sunglasses and let’s go!!!

Mimosas on the beach? Yes…please & thank you! (Cancun)

A Hilton Head sunrise…best way to get your day started!

(Santorini) A view of an infinity pool AND the Mediterranean Sea? Heaven!

The Norwegian fjords! While it was cold enough for Frosty the Snowman when I visited in March, it’s absolutely breathtaking during the summer!

I know this may be a stretch…but I fell in love with this dam in the Scottish Highlands…and this was before I had any Scottish whiskey 🙂 So serene & peaceful!