Essentials for Stress Free Travel

If you have read my blog post on What to Wear When Travelling Abroad, then you know I am a sucker for travel accessories…seriously. Magellan’s? Yep. ExOfficio? I should have stock. Is it all necessary? Nope. But, with the right essentials, your trip can go from stressful to stress free! To help you save a little time & money, I’m going to tell you my favorite travel finds. I have not been paid to endorse any products. With the exception of one item (which was provided to me free of charge to use & review), all products I list below were paid for by me.

Packing Essentials:

La Fresh wipes

La Fresh Travel Wipes – Okay, these little packets are genius! La Fresh wipes can easily fit into your cosmetic bag & your purse while on the road. There are several “collections” but I like the Travel Wipes for Her collection that includes make-up remover wipes, anti-bacterial wipes, nail polish remover pads, hydrating lotion wipes, female hygiene & lens cleaning wipes. I even bought the canine wipes for my dog! You can buy them here.
Packing cubes – I never travel without my packing cubes from Magellan’s. I’ve used the Stow-Away Collection since 2010 and love it! I had tried many different combinations to pack as much into my suitcase and keep clothes wrinkle-free. That is tough. And when the airlines started charging baggage fees, it became necessary to pack smarter. So, as I was browsing through the Magellan’s catalog, I came across these packing cubes and thought I’d give it a try…and it was worth the money. I use these cubes even for overnight trips because it allows me to organize everything in compartments and the Stow-Away Cinch Folders help to prevent wrinkles.
Travel-size Febreeze, Downy Wrinkle-Release, & Lint Brush– I do not travel without these 3 items. Especially if you plan to wear an article of clothing more than once. I like to spray the Febreeze in my shoes and on my coat after each day of travel. While the packing cubes help with wrinkles, it doesn’t prevent them. The Downy Wrinkle-Release is my insurance that I have a way to get rid of wrinkles if I happen to be staying at a hotel that doesn’t have irons/ironing boards (that has happened too many times to mention). A small lint brush is insurance as well. You never know when you will need it. For example, during a trip to London back in 2008, I decided to buy a travel blanket for the flight. It seemed like such a great idea because it was heavier than the standard tissue blankets that they normally give you in coach. I was wearing a black cotton ensemble with a black wool coat. It wasn’t until I landed that I realized I was covered in green fur from the travel blanket (that I had washed thinking it would prevent this type of thing). So, I ended up spending the first evening in London at Tesco’s buying masking tape to remove the fur since I couldn’t find a lint brush. While you may never use it, I figure it is less stressful to have it than to spend your vacation looking for duct tape. You can pick up these items at your local grocery store, Target, Wal-Mart or drug store/pharmacy.
Laundry Bag – I used to put my dirty clothes in the plastic laundry bags provided by the hotels. But, as I started taking trips that had me at multiple hotels in different cities, I felt like the plastic bags weren’t going to keep my suitcase “fresh”. So, I got the Magellan’s Bed Bug Laundry Bag in 2011. I like that it is lined on the inside so it doesn’t matter if you need to pack wet clothes & it contains any odors. This laundry bag folds up small so it doesn’t take up much room in the beginning and I’ve been able to put 2 weeks worth of clothes inside.
Disposable panties & cloths – On a trip to Morocco in 2012, I packed disposable underwear and InstaCloths. It was my first time using either but as we were limited to one medium-sized bag for 10 days, I thought throwing out underwear during the trip would make room for all of my purchases. The disposable underwear worked pretty well. I even hand washed them once and they held together & were dry within a couple of hours. While they are not sexy, they are comfortable in a “granny panty” way. The InstaCloths worked well as a face towel for me and lasted several days (plus they start out the size of a nickel and expand into a full-size wash cloth once you add water). I didn’t use it as a wash cloth but my Mom did and said it didn’t last that long. So, I only recommend it for washing your face & removing make-up.
Adaptors – When travelling out of the country, I always use Brookstone’s 6-Piece Adapter Kit with Snap-On Plugs. It’s a lightweight set of interchangeable adaptors that work for most countries. I’ve not had any issues with this since I started using it in 2010.
Collapsible tote – One of the very best items you can pack on international trips! I got mine from Samsonite back in 2008. It folds up nice & neat and lays flat at the bottom of my suitcase. Then, while I’m travelling and buying souvenirs, I don’t have to worry about fitting it into my suitcase as I can use my tote as a carry on during my flight back.

My pink & green collapsible tote! A must-have travel item.

Looking Fab & Safe on the Road: I go into detail about what to wear when travelling overseas in the blog post linked above so I won’t cover the same material here. However, I do want to include a few more items that I’ve fallen in love with since I wrote that article.

Jersey fabric – This is the “must have” fabric to wear en-route to your destination. It is wrinkle-free and there are so many stylish outfits made of this fabric that you will look fresh & fabulous even stepping off a plane 10 hours later. I usually shop at White House Black Market, Magellan’s or Travel Smith.
Yoga active wear – If you are looking to travel in comfort, I suggest yoga pants, a cute tank top & cardigan. This is usually my go-to outfit for international flights as I like to be comfortable & it allows me to layer. I usually purchase my favorite items at Athleta & Old Navy.
ExOfficio Sweater Jacket – I absolutely love this waterproof jacket! It is so soft & very warm! I wore it in December while in Europe and felt completely warm & toasty. It packs up very small and converts into a neck roll if you want to bring it on the plane with you. I also love that it’s stylish as well & has a lot of safety pockets where you can store your money, keys & phone without worrying about being pick-pocketed.
Clarks shoes – I must admit…Clarks makes a great shoe that keeps your feet cushioned from the harsh cobblestones you encounter while sightseeing in Europe. You can be on your feet all day in these stylish shoes. A couple of my favorites are the Wave.Cruise Mary Jane shoe that can be worn both casual & dressy; and the Haley Falcon which seems to replace the black Privo that I have worn. I like that it molds to your foot while providing great cushion to your soles.
FreestyleXtreme – This is the only item that I have received for free. A representative from FreestyleXtreme contacted me after reading my article referenced above. She asked if I would review an item from their company (which offers a wide range of clothing & accessories for men and women). I have been trying to find a stylish flip-flop to wear on cobblestones so I thought I’d try the Volcom Black Happy Me shoe. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect but I’ve worn them for the past couple of weeks and am in love! They are so comfortable & cute! I like that they don’t “flap” against the bottom of my foot making a loud sound as I walk. Also, the cushion is pretty solid since I can walk around in them for hours and not experience foot fatigue. I’m excited to take them to Italy & try them out on the cobblestones!

Volcom Black Be Happy flip-flop from FreestyleXtreme.

Go-To Gadgets: I like to travel light…which means I rely heavily on my iPad (and more recently my new Macbook Air). The following 3 items make travelling with my electronics simple.

My fabulous Erin Condren iPad Folio along with a delicious mimosa & travel guides!

iPad Folio – I love products from Erin Condren. You can purchase personalized stationary, life planners, cards & iPad folios. Mine has my name & an inspirational quote on the front with a picture of my dog on the inside. It’s nice to have reminders of home while on the road!
Apple adaptors – I have an iPad 2 and when I decided to stop travelling with a laptop, I needed a way to transfer pictures from my camera & iPhone to my iPad…which is where the Apple iPad Digital Camera Connector Kit comes in. You can plug the adaptor into your iPhone to easily transfer pictures or plug your SD card into the adaptor and load your favorite photos from your camera onto your iPad.
Power Up – I use my iPhone a lot while I’m on the road…between taking pictures & responding to emails/texts, the battery doesn’t last long. Getting to a power outlet is not always possible so I started travelling with extra power-up packs. I’ve tested out quite a few items so far and there are 2 that I prefer: The first one is the 2600 mAh Universal Power Bank Charger that I purchased from Nomorerack on sale. The second is the Portable Travel Charger from Fat Cat Power. Both work pretty well and charge my phone fully. They don’t take a lot of time to charge & both are small enough to fit in my purse without taking up valuable space.

What are your favorite travel essentials? Is there anything I am missing out on? Let me know!

Damn You, Delta

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Why, Delta, WHY??? I sometimes feel like we have an abusive relationship. When you delay flights which cause missed connections, I tell folks that you don’t mean to and you have a lot going on…you’re just stressed out. Don’t they understand your under a lot of pressure? Then, you give me extra SkyMiles to say you’re sorry and I just can’t quit you. I am the Tina to your Ike.

Until now. Why would you rebook me on an Air Canada flight? They are in the dreaded Star Alliance!!!! They aren’t a band of do-gooders like the Rebel Alliance. Do you know who is in the Star Alliance? The DARTH VADER OF AIRLINES!!!! Freaking US Air! Y’all know how I feel about those jokers. Air Canada gets the side-eye just for being air buddies with them. You running with the wrong crowd, AC!

But, I decide to give Senator Palpatine’s airline alliance another chance because clearly I have the common sense of Jar Jar Binks. This was the only option to get me home tonight. Sigh. So, I do it. It can’t be easy though. See, the SkyTeam “bloods” don’t want the Star Alliance “crips” sharing the same terminal so I had to be escorted back thru security and badged out so I can exit the airport and take a bus to the Death Star (aka Terminal 1).

I’m spoiled. Delta did that to me. I have status. I’m Delta’s boo which means I’m priority…more specifically, Sky Priority. Do you think Air Canada thinks I’m special? Nope. I was promptly told to get to the back of the line like my name was Rosa Parks. No fast lane. I had to wait in line with all the other underprivileged travelers hoping that Sally Struthers would host a telethon helping the agents to speed this line along.

After 14 days (well, 30 minutes), I check-in only to be told that I had to check my carry-on bag and pay $25. Wait. What? Pay? What fresh hell is this? I’m Platinum on Delta! That agent looked at me like, “Where’s Delta now? Pay it or walk to your destination.” Good God. So I pay the fee and ask for a receipt because my boo is paying for this…I don’t care if you have to ask for a loan from Jabba the Hut…I best get my money back.

You’d think that would be the worst of it. You’d be wrong. I then had to go thru customs. I’m Global Entry which means I only need to go to the kiosk for fingerprinting and picture validation. However, since I had just done that an hour earlier, the kiosk was basically like, “Nope! Sorry sucka!” So I had to fill out a form. I promptly told the agent I wasn’t standing in line because it’s not my fault that the kiosk gave me the middle finger. I guess he could see I was on the edge of sanity so he told me to get in the crew line. I did…and this is my conversation with the customs officer after explaining the kiosk fiasco:

Customs: I see your hair is longer than your passport picture from 2006. Are you growing it out?
Me: Yes…but this is also hair I bought.
Customs: Are you wearing a weave? I can’t even tell!
Me: Thanks
Customs: How do you wash it? Do you use soap & water?
Me: *slow blink* Yes, yes I do. It’s hair.
Customs: Sorry, I’m just mesmerized. So, where are you from? Your accent is so exotic.
Me: *WTF??* Indiana.

Not a soul to be seen.

I’m sorry, I thought I was going thru customs, not speed dating. I can’t even concentrate because I’m still mad about the $25!! Once I get thru customs and security, I have to walk the Green Mile thru the backwoods of the Toronto airport to my gate. Why is this gate so far away? How come I don’t see any other people?

Then I see…prop planes?? Seriously?? Jesus take the wheel. iCant with you.

Delta…I quit you. We don’t go together anymore. Don’t call me and tell me how special I am because I don’t believe you! Keep your SkyMiles and pretty trinkets. You have maxed out my emotional debit card & owe me $253.43 + $25 bag fee. Don’t try to pay me in those “free drink” coupons either. Cashier’s check is fine. Next time you see me, I’ll be wearing this shirt.

Top 10 Things to do in London (Winter Edition)

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I’ve visited London 5 times so far and each visit keeps me coming back for more. Every time I visit a city, I try to come up with a list of the “top things to do” by reading reviews on Trip Advisor and Rick Steves to plan an unforgettable trip. The list will expand or contract based upon the amount of time I have. You can always get the typical tour ideas from mainstream websites, but I like to mix city/historical tours with off-the-beaten path activities. Below is a list of my top 10 things to do when visiting the fabulously energized city of London during the fall & winter (but most of the activities are available year around).

Somerset House Ice Rink (photo credit London Insider)

10. Go Ice Skating.

During the winter (December/January) various spots around London host outdoor ice skating rinks. London has some fantastic places where you can lace up your skates and twirl around on the ice. With places like Somerset House, The Natural History Museum, Hyde Park and The Tower of London all hosting rinks, you can combine your sightseeing with skating! And then warm up with hot chocolate or go enjoy afternoon tea.

Porn Star martini at the Dollar Bar & Grill

9. Drink a “Porn Star” martini at the Dollar Grill & Martini Lounge.

Okay, when I tell you that this is the best drink ever…I am not lying. Seriously. It’s fabulous! I’m not really a martini connoisseur (regardless of how hard Carrie and the girls tried to lure me in during the “Sex in the City” heyday). However, the “Porn Star” martini is like liquid heaven. It’s made with passion fruit, vodka, vanilla syrup and a shot of champagne. I was introduced to this magnificent drink at the Dollar Grill & Martini Lounge (which had excellent food as well). Can’t get to London but are dying to try this drink? Here are the ingredients & instructions. Enjoy!!

Rosetta Stone

8. Visit the National Portrait Gallery and British Museum.

First, these museums are AMAZING! Second, they are free. Seriously. What can be better than visiting a free museum filled with cool relics and paintings? Want to see the actual Rosetta Stone (tip: it doesn’t come in a yellow box) or pieces of the Parthenon? Check out the British Museum. Want to see paintings of Henry VIII, his wives and children? Check out the National Portrait Gallery. I’m usually not a big museum lover (although I find myself visiting one on every trip I take mostly just because I love history), but these two museums are so interesting and easy to navigate that you can lose track of time.

I always like to see pictures of historical figures which made the National Portrait Gallery fascinating. I’ve seen plenty of pictures of Queen Elizabeth I and her daddy, Henry 8, but it’s cool to see original paintings. My absolute favorite painting is of the Earl of Southampton who was a playboy extraordinaire. You didn’t even need to read his bio to know. His picture said it all. When you looked at the other paintings of men from that era, they had short-cropped hair. Southampton had long flowing locks down to the middle of his back, a swagger to him, and a look that said, “you know you want me…don’t deny it. I want myself.” He was so debonair that while Liz 1 was beheading folks who even looked like they thought she had bad breath, this joker just got some jail time for organizing her overthrow. Then he was pardoned! That’s right. Earl Rapunzel got out and was like, “take that, take that…can’t stop, won’t stop…baaaaad boooooyyyy!” Check him out: Earl of Southampton.

7. Drink hot chocolate while strolling through Trafalgar Square.

Cold weather and hot chocolate go together like peas and carrots. After you leave the National Gallery, why not stroll around Trafalgar Square with a nice hot cup of cocoa and take in the holiday decorations (the Christmas tree is usually spectacular), listen to carolers or just people watch?

Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square

6. See a Musical!

You can’t go to London without checking out one of their many fabulous shows. It’s like going to NYC without checking out Broadway. Low on funds? Go to TKTS (located at Leicester Square) to buy half-priced tickets for West End plays, operas and musicals the day of.

Afternoon Tea @ the National Gallery Cafe

5. Enjoy Afternoon Tea.

You can’t visit London without having afternoon tea. I find myself looking forward to 3pm so I can sample delicious cucumber sandwiches, scones with various jams, delicious tartes & cupcakes and my favorite flavor of tea with a side of a tall glass of champagne. To.Die.For. My favorite spots are the Orangerie (at Kensington Palace) and the National Gallery Cafe (best scones in London).

4. Cruise the Thames.

Sail along the Thames under the London Bridge, view the Tower of London, see Shakespeare’s Globe, take in the awesome sight of Big Ben…these are just a few things you will do on your cruise. The ride (which can be a hop on/hop off or an hour-long sail…depending on the company you choose) comes with commentary and is a good introduction to the sights of London along the famous Thames.

Westminster

3. Visit Westminster Abbey.

I’m a history buff…but even if you aren’t, this place is interesting. You can stroll the halls and see where the coronations have taken place since 1066 (complete with tv’s showing Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation); and it’s the resting place of varying famous people (including William Shakespeare) and 17 monarchs (i.e. Henry VIII with his crazy self). Elizabeth I is buried ON TOP of her sister, Mary (or, as she was known, “Bloody Mary”…which actually makes me a bit thirsty for a cool beverage). For those of you who aren’t up on your Tudor history, Mary was the daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon while Elizabeth I (known as “The Virgin Queen”) was the daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn. So, Liz’s mama stole her daddy (Henry) from his 1st wife (Catherine) but later found out he was no prize when he had her decaptitated for allegedly being a traitor and having an incestuous relationship with her brother. Which I mean, with the royals marrying 1st cousins and such back then, that is sort of like the pot calling the kettle black. It also explains the whole “Deliverance” vibe some of them had…you just don’t mix the blood lines like that.

Henry 8 changed the official religion of England from Catholicism to Protestant to divorce Catherine when the Pope refused to grant him an annulment so he could marry his new boo, Anne Boleyn. Of course, if lil Annie knew that Henry would turn his craziness on her and get all Betty Broderick (the quintessential Lifetime movie for love gone crazy), I’m sure she would’ve reserved her charms for someone else. But, power is a heady drug that distorts your common sense. All she could see is the finery and being able to tell her haters to kiss her ass once she was Queen of England. I can relate. Anyway, Mary was a strict Roman Catholic like her mama and changed the official religion of England from Protestant back to Catholicism once she was able to take the throne (after her sickly younger brother passed away as a child). But Mary wasn’t content with just changing the religion…she also rounded up people who refused to convert to Catholicism and had them burned alive at the stake. I’m pretty sure that Jesus wasn’t co-signing that.

Clearly Mary had a touch of the crazy like her daddy and after being locked away from her mama for years due to her father’s libido, it couldn’t have been too much of a surprise. After Mary was made queen, she locked Elizabeth (Liz 1) in the Tower of London for a while because she thought Liz was in on a plot to kill her. Which…she probably was. That’s just how they rolled back then. But, being locked away in the tower and being labeled a traitor did nothing to get Mary in Liz’s good graces. When poor Mary’s fortunes turned and she passed away, Liz was crowned Queen of England. She had her sister buried at Westminster…and when she died years later, had her tomb placed on top of Mary. For now and for all eternity, Mary will reside beneath Liz in the Abbey. I’m sure Liz was like, “How you like me now, sis?”

The Tudor history is fascinating. I would recommend reading a series of books by Phillipa Gregory to gain a thorough overview (The Other Boleyn Girl, The Virgin Queen, etc). I can say that being royalty back in the day was a death sentence!

Tower of London

2. Visit the Tower of London.

A visit to the tower is a must. This castle is located on the River Thames close to the Tower Bridge. It’s famous for housing the Crown Jewels and for being the “prison” of royalty hundreds of years ago (Anne Boleyn was beheaded here). If you ever visit the Tower of London, you will hear the story about the 2 young sons of the last York king (of the War of the Roses fame), Richard III, who (after Richard had died), were sent to the tower by their uncle (Richard’s brother) under the guise of keeping them safe. However, it’s believed they were murdered because their bodies were never found (they were around 13 and 8 or something like that…I can’t remember the exact ages). Anyway, the war ended when Henry 7 defeated the uncle and married Richard III’s daughter to unite the houses. Then, spawned crazy Henry 8.

The Original Tour…hop on/hop off bus

1. Ride the Hop On/Hop Off bus.

What visit is complete without a tour on the Hop On/Hop Off bus? There are several tour companies that offer this service (I usually do the Original Tour). They offer a 48 hour pass & 3 routes. The pass includes free walking tours and a free Thames River cruise. You can save some money by purchasing online. This is a great way to get a good overview and layout of this wonderful city before or during sightseeing. These bus tours usually offer live or recorded commentaries. The live commentary tours are better, in my opinion, since there is more interaction.

Regardless of what activities you decide to do, enjoy your time & be safe! Cheers!

WTF, Vegas?

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What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas…unless it’s funny & juicy, then it’s shared on my blog! And, have I got some stories for y’all. My BFF, Isina, joined me in the big LV for the weekend and we had a FAB-U-LOUS time!

Of course, y’all know how my luck rolls so craziness greeted us at the airport shuttle. Isina is now a firm believer in the fact that I am a crazy people magnet.

Airport Shuttle AKA “WTF?”
Sigh. This is going to be pretty long so sit back and make sure you have something to snack on. Isina and I arrive at the Vegas airport and decide to take the airport shuttle since it was $7 (a taxi probably wouldn’t have been much more but we didn’t know that at the time). We arrive at the shuttle stand, buy our tickets and find the proper line. There are about 15 or so. The queues are organized by number. You’ll have 2 queues per stand (i.e. signs for shuttles 1 and 2 are in the same section).

We head for the sign that says “2” and stand in the queue thinking a shuttle will be along shortly (because the line was fairly long). Wrong. After 20 minutes, a bus sidles on up and fills up pretty quick so we are left to wait for the next shuttle…which takes another 20-25 minutes. We are now towards the front of the line. It’s not complicated and we have just seen that the system can work. But, it wouldn’t be my story if things worked out perfectly. So, as the second shuttles pulls up, we work out a plan that I will stay in line to make sure the bags make the shuttle and Isina will save us a seat. Well, a rogue line that I hadn’t been paying attention to (they were loitering over by queue #3) made a mad dash and rushed onto the shuttle so those of us who had stood in line were left out. I was like, “Wait a minute. What just happened?”

Then I had a revelation. You know who have the biggest problems with habitual line jumpers? Old people. They can’t handle it. I don’t know if it’s the fact that they feel their time on earth could be up at any moment or what. But, they will bust a cap over someone cutting in front of them. I had the pleasure of witnessing 2 such incidents. It all happened when the bus driver (who is now opening the back of the bus to start loading luggage) stated that if you are in line, you aren’t getting on the bus and need to move your bags because the bus is full. Why did he say that? That set it off.

Mr. Vernon Dursley (I swear he looked just like Harry Potter’s uncle) got this wild eye look and was like, “OH HELL NO! WE WERE HERE FIRST!” But that didn’t make any waves. Then, he was like, “THEY JUMPED THE LINE! THEY WEREN’T STANDING IN LINE #2. I TOLD THEM THAT THE LINE STARTED AT THE OTHER END AND THEY SAID NOT TO WORRY BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE ENOUGH ROOM ON THE BUS!!! KICK THEIR ASSES OFF!!! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT!!! KENO DON’T PLAY ITSELF!!! SHIT!” The bus driver’s reply? “I’M KICKING ALL THESE MUTHA FUCKAS OFF THE BUS!!!” It was like he was speaking to himself but I was like, “Um, if you are kicking them off, does that mean there is room for us?” Just sayin’.

Alas, he didn’t kick them off but he and Mr. Dursley started going at it. Clearly, he doesn’t know how Mr. D can get…I mean, he made Harry live in a cupboard under the stairs for 9 years! Get back on the shuttle, bus driver!!! But, he decided to try his luck…because it’s Vegas, I guess. Anyway, he disappears for a few minutes, then comes back and gets into it with Mr. D again.

Just long enough for another guy to show up. This man had to be 104 years old if a day…he was wearing khaki pants pulled up to his nipples, a flowered shirt and had cotton in his ears…he was old y’all. So, Father Time had been grinning and seemed to be in a happy place. Then, it turned on a dime. Another shuttle worker shows up to defuse the situation with the bus driver and Mr. D. He’s a black guy who is probably in his mid-30s (who I will call Ice Cube). So, as Cube is trying to calm down Mr. D, Father Time hops up and starts waving his shuttle receipt in Cube’s face and screams “WHAAAATTTT TTHHHEEE FUUUUCCKKK?” I was like, “oh hell, here we go.” Father Time then screams out “WHAT THE FUCK? I’VE BEEN WAITING FORTY-FIVE MUTHA FUCKIN MINUTES FOR A MUTHA FUCKIN SHUTTLE AND IT HASN’T SHOWN UP MUTHA FUCKIN YET. GIVE ME MY MUTHA FUCKIN REFUND BEFORE I FUCK YOU UP!” Father Time is gangsta. I wasn’t all that confident that he wasn’t carrying.

So, Cube was like, “Who the fuck is this old mutha fucka talking to?” Then, he does something unexpected (and not very customer service friendly)…he starts screaming back at Father Time. He says, “WHO THE FUCK YOU TALKIN TO? YOU BETTA WATCH YO’SELF! I DON’T PLAY THAT SHIT. GET YO ASS BACK IN LINE OR GET THE FUCK OUT. YOU AIN’T GOTTA TAKE A SHUTTLE…GET A FUCKIN CAB!!” FT screams back, “GIVE ME A MUTHA FUCKIN’ REFUND AND I’LL TAKE A CAB.” Cube, “AIN’T NO REFUNDS, BITCH (the bitch part was implied)!” It just got really real y’all.

I was shocked that Father Time had such a potty mouth. I mean, nobody knows when their time is up but when you are looking like Cocoon and clearly your number could be called any day…I just thought he’d be acting better. You know how folks get religious when they get older to get a few more credits when they get to the Pearly Gates? Like, “Hey Pete? Can I call you Pete instead of Peter? I mean, I feel like we’re boys since I read my Bible every day after I turned 50. Can you tell Jesus I’m here? Picked up my water at reception…just need him to turn it into some Chardonnay. Thanks!” Maybe Father Time had a slip up? I mean, how are you going to explain the cuss out in Vegas to Peter???

Now, during this whole show, Isina had been looking for a taxi so she missed everything. When she walked up, I calmly explained that she had missed a fight. Because you don’t act all excited when crazy is close by. You don’t know what could set them off again. Kinda like earthquake aftershocks.

So, the shuttle finally takes off without us and the crazies on it. That’s when Mr. D feels that he has found a friend in me and wants to talk it out. Sigh. Why? This happens to me dang near every trip! But, I listen as he explains what happened for the 10th time (like I wasn’t there when it happened or when he explained it the previous 9 times). Here is a transcript of the convo:

Mr. Dursley: DID YOU SEE THOSE PEOPLE JUMP THE LINE? I TOLD THEM THAT THE LINE FOR SHUTTLE BUS 2 WAS AT THE OTHER END BUT THEY SAID IT WAS COOL AND THAT EVERYBODY COULD GET ON. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? THEY JUMPED THE LINE AND RUSHED ONTO THE BUS? PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE A MENACE TO SOCIETY.
Me: You are right. I can’t believe it. It’s shocking.
Mr. D: Karma is going to come back and get them bad. They will lose at every game they play.
Me: *giggling because he is now the white Celie from The Color Purple…all that was missing was the hand gesture with the fingers* You are right, ugliness never wins, sir.
Mr. D: I’m calling someone about this.
Me: Yeah, you can’t let this go.

Mr. D then decides he’s exhausted telling the story to those around him and now needs to call up his homies. So, he tells Mrs. D (Petunia) to watch the line and make sure no rogue jumpers cut in while he is 2 feet away screaming the story into his phone. Mr. D gets on the phone and in the middle of telling his story, he sees a couple of women who are in line #3. But, they apparently have drifted too close to line #2 because he pauses his phone call, gives a pointed look to Petunia cuz she is apparently slipping on the line protection job, and yells out to the women “ARE YOU WAITING FOR SHUTTLE BUS #2 BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, YOU NEED TO GET TO THE END OF THE MUTHA FUCKIN LINE BECAUSE AIN’T GOING TO BE NO MORE LINE CUTTING AROUND HERE. I’M MISSING OUT ON BLACKJACK BEHIND THIS SHIT.” They were like, “No sir, we are waiting on shuttle #3.” So he leaves them alone and goes back to his call. After the call, he walks the 2 feet back to the head of the line, notices the 2 women again…and again says, ““ARE YOU WAITING FOR SHUTTLE BUS #2 BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, YOU NEED TO GET TO THE END OF THE MUTHA FUCKIN LINE BECAUSE AIN’T GOING TO BE NO MORE LINE CUTTING AROUND HERE.” They calmly tell him again that they were waiting on shuttle bus #3. Five minutes pass… nobody has moved but he sees a leaf or something and takes notice of the 2 SAME LADIES FOR A THIRD TIME AND GOES THRU THE WHOLE THING AGAIN! At this point, they are shutting him down and Mrs. D can’t be found because she is embarrassed. I’m entertained.

After all of that, we finally get on the bus after Cube comes over and asks which bus we were waiting on. As we are riding to the hotel, we see that the shuttle with the line jumpers had broken down right outside the airport. Mr. D was like, “THAT’S KARMA BITCH!” Glorious.

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Rome in a Day…the Remix

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It’s my second trip to Rome and I am eager to share the experience with my friend, William (aka “Sweet Willy” because he’s just so darn cute). We arrive at the Roma Termini station and walk about 15 minutes to our hotel. As we are walking:

William: Did you just see that car?

Me: What?

William: The General Lee Smart Car…did you just see that?

Me: I have no idea what you are talking about. I’m looking at hotel signs.

William: We have to go back so I can take a picture because nobody will believe this.

*we walk back to take the picture*

William: That’s nice. An eco-friendly racist.

Me: Really Rome? That’s what’s hot in the streets? Did we just time travel to the mid-80s? Bo & Luke can’t jump into a little ass Smart Car. Cooter doesn’t know how to fix this! He’s got 3 wrenches and an oil can. Did Daisy give up the Jeep and start taking public transportation? Uncle Jesse and I can’t take all this. It’s too much.

We finally leave the Italian General Lee and find our hotel. Upon check-in, I ask if we can store our bags the next day while we are sightseeing.

Me: Can we store our bags after we check-out in the morning?

Buddy: For how long?

Me: Just a few hours.

Desk Clerk: How many bags do you have?

Me: [thinking *Man, what is the problem? You can either store the bags or not. Isn’t that standard service at a hotel?* but New Nikki responded] 4

Desk Clerk: *long sigh & acting put upon* I guess

Me & William: *side-eye*

After we get settled in the room, we decide not to go out since we needed to be up early to do a lot of sightseeing. So, William does some work and I turn on the tv and see this program called “Il Canto”. Y’all ain’t ready for Il Canto. It’s like American Idol + America’s Got Talent + So You Think You Can Dance + Top Chef + Project Runway + The Bachelor. The program is like 6 hours long with people of all ages, group sings, dancing, judging, and guest appearances. I still don’t know what it was. There was this kid who looked to be maybe 12 and I think he won his part of the singing competition (but who knows because it was like he was there in concert or something). You could not tell him that he wasn’t a star. He had hand gestures, facial expressions and teeth spaced about an inch apart.

Me: Wow, I can’t take it. He is doing runs like he’s Mariah.

William: You know he just got beat up backstage.

Me: Why?

William: Too nerdy. He can sing…but once he leaves the stage, Giuseppe is waiting there with the beat down to take his lunch money. If he was in NY, they would just roll up on you like, “yo son, that’s a nice coat. What size is that? A small? Really? That’s just my size. You can give it to me or I’ma take it. It’s on you, B.”

A little later:

Me: Did that little girl just sing an R. Kelly song?

William: You can’t keep Kells down. I wonder what the legal age of consent is here?

Then, we decided to make-up translations to the interviews since we couldn’t understand what they were saying. When the host was interviewing a sound guy after some little kid did a horrible rendition of Aretha’s “RESPECT”, we translated it as follows:

Me (as the host, Bruno): Silvio, what did you think of little Pashmina singing “RESPECT”. Did you find out what it meant to her? And, did she take out the ECT?

William (as the sound guy, Silvio): Bruno, she sucked. And, this show has run into my overtime so you know you are paying me time and a half, right? This ain’t a telethon.

Me: Silv, don’t worry about the OT. Clearly you need the money because those skinny pink jeans ain’t doing you no favors. Now get back on the soundboard and make sure my mic sounds nice.

After two hours of Il Canto, the Sleep Monster got us and it was a wrap.

…

We get up, have breakfast and check-out to start our self-guided “Rome in a Day” power sightseeing tour. We start off by going to The Forum and see a guy dressed up as a Trojan.

William: Where are Trojans from?

Me: Trojania?

The Trojan asks if we want to take a picture so we oblige…

…then, as William is pulling out some coins to tip, Mr. Trojan was like, “That’s gonna be €10.” After looking startled, we realized we just got hustled. By a man in a costume. Chuck E Cheese doesn’t charge you for pictures! Of course, Chuck just walks around leering at you so I guess you have to pick your poison. Yes, I have issues with Chuck. Don’t judge me 🙂

It’s the start of the day and we are trying to be positive. We pay for the Roma Pass (which is a smart buy for sightseeing in Rome) then pick up an audio guide and a map. The Roman Forum really is spectacular with all the ancient remnants. However, it only has fragments of buildings & statues so it’s hard to know what is what. The map was even more confusing. The numbers didn’t correspond to the information boards outside some of the sites. Then, we attempted to use the audio guide.

William: I think we are at site 7.

Me: Okay, push play and let’s see.

[The audio guide has a British man giving a 20 minute soliloquy about columns and statues and if you look into the sun you can see Caesar or something we cannot find for the life of us. It almost felt like we had a learning disability because the sites are numbered so any 2-year-old should be able to do this.]

William: What is he talking about?

Me: I don’t know. I thought you knew.

William: No! And, he is still talking. It’s been what? 45 minutes? Why can’t he just give an executive summary and say, “to your left is an arch, now turn your ass around and walk?”

Me: Really? That’s how they do in New York? You have ADD.

In the end, we used Rick Steve’s Italy guidebook and just took pictures. The Roman Forum was ancient Rome’s birthplace and civic center. This was the place where anything important happened in ancient Rome.

After walking thru The Forum, we head over to Palantine Hill. This is where the emperors chose to live and it was once filled with palaces. It includes the “huts of Romulus and Remus”, the Imperial Palace, the House of Livia and Augustus and a view of Circus Maximus.

William: Are those olive trees?

Me: Looks like it but I don’t know.

William goes to pull an “olive” off the tree. Meanwhile, I see Woodrow (Petey the Pigeon’s cousin) picking at food on the ground and he passes right over the “olive”. Of course, he is getting the side-eye because I haven’t forgotten what Petey did yesterday in Florence.

Me: Uh, did you just see that pigeon take a bite of one of those “olives” and leave it right there on the ground? Don’t eat that.

William: Why not? I’ll wash it off. You gotta build up your immune system.

Me: Really? You need to follow Woodrow’s lead and keep it moving.

Then, he notices citrus trees that seem to have some sort of fruit like oranges hanging from it. But, as none of it is hanging low enough for him to get, William has to content himself with the “olive”.

William: This could keep me from getting scavies.

Me: What the hell is scavies? A new hybrid flu of rabies and scurvy?

William takes a bite of the “olive” and discovers that it may not actually be an olive but it’s too nasty to figure out.

Me: See? Did I not just tell you that Woodrow was even like, “I’ll pass”.

We leave Palantine Hill and make our way to the Colosseum.

The Colosseum is a 2,000 year old building where ancient Romans used to watch gladiators, criminals and wild animals fight to the death. And, it is one of the most beautiful structures in the world. I could just sit and stare at it all day. The first time I saw it, I was overwhelmed…imagine being in a place where people walked thousands of years ago!

Outside the Colosseum, there are “tour guides” prowling around trying to sell you on purchasing some of their time to walk you around and tell you the true little known “facts” about the site. Since we had already been hustled once that day, we decided to pass and read what Rick had to say.

As we are walking around, we can overhear other tour guides and it occurs to us that we could do this as a side business too.

William: You know, we could set up our own tour company and give them the “real” experience.

Me: Yeah, we just need to market it right.

William: We’ll just be like, “yo son…you wanna know the real deal of why Caesar got shanked?” And, “This right here is where Jesus told everybody to get their souls right.”

Me: Really? We still doing the NY state of mind right now? And, what are you going to do when you get Mr. I Know My History fact checking you?

William: Throw him off the tour. I’ll just say “Were you there? You don’t know me. I’m a descendant of Caesar. He was my great, great, great to the 20th power granddaddy so shut up.”

Me: *crickets*

William: *ignoring the crickets* We can get on the computer and create some tour guide certifications. Tell them that we majored in “tourification” and we aren’t just some random tour guides off the streets.

Me: So now we are “tourologists”? How many of those olives did you eat? Is this the scavies talking? Does it cause dementia?

William: We could even take them into the basement of the Colosseum.

Me: The basement? You mean the ground floor where they kept the folks that were about to killed by animals? That’s closed off.

William: Exactly. That’s gonna make our tour hot. It’s rogue…going where nobody can go.

Me: Uh huh. That tour will last 30 seconds.

As we are walking around, we come up with a scheme to offer to take people’s pictures for them so they will take pictures of us.

Me: Maybe after we take their picture, we tell them it’s €10. Get our hustle on like the Trojan guy.

William: I wonder what he does for “Take Your Daughter to Work Day”.

Me: Probably has her out there hustling too.

As we leave the Colosseum, I am focused on getting back to the entrance to The Forum so I can get my passport back since I left it to secure the audio guide device. Now, William is all laissez-faire about this as it wasn’t his passport. He offered up job ideas should I not be able to get back to the U.S. (William: That tour guide idea is hot.). We get turned around and I’m looking at the map trying to find the entrance. As we start walking to the entrance, we come across these “mimes” that paint themselves up and stay as still as a statue. Some are better than others. This guy was great!

A couple of meters away from him, we see a duo performing.

William: Are those Native Americans?

Me: Uh, I see the feathers on the headdress and I hear the music but I don’t think the Romans stole this from them too.

William: I’m confused. Why are they here?

Me: Outsourcing?

William: Are they selling cds?

Me: Everybody got a hustle. Maybe they are signed to Black Widow Records in Genoa???

We finally get to the entrance of The Forum and as they give me back the passport, I realize that it wasn’t even mine. It was William’s. HAHAHAHAHA. Apparently, we inadvertently switched passports when they were returned to us at the hotel.

Me: So who is being a mime on the street when they can’t get back to the states now?

William: You could’ve done tours.

Me: Well, you know Atlanta is the #1 tourist city in the U.S.

William: Get out. Where did you get that statistic from?

Me: GET OFF MY TOUR! YOU DON’T KNOW ME! YOU AIN’T A TOUROLOGIST! WHERE ARE YOUR PAPERS? YOU GOT THAT TOURIFICATION CERTIFICATE? NO? THEN YOU LEAVE THE STATS TO THE PROFESSIONALS.

William: You need serious help.

By this time, we are headed towards the Pantheon.

Once we arrive, we see non-Italian ethnic groups selling purses and scarves.

William: You think that is real Prada?

Me: Is the Prada on Canal Street real?

We go inside the Pantheon, look around and take pictures. Now it’s time for a gelato break. Which must occur every few hours or you can get low blood sugar 🙂 After getting my gelato, we walk toward the Trevi Fountain. People throw coins into the fountain to guarantee a return visit. The coins are collected to feed Rome’s poor.

Then, it was on to the Spanish Steps.

After leaving the Spanish Steps, we walk around the posh shopping district and window shop. Then we come upon a guy selling nuts…13 for €5.

William: €5 for 13 nuts with some salt sprinkled on them? Are they serious? I can get that at home for $1.50.

Me: These are special Roman nuts. You don’t know ‘bout them, son. They may be like Red Bull and give you wings.

At this point, we are completely exhausted and have to climb 1400 steps to walk back to the hotel. We end up stopping by St. Peter in Chains Basilica since we didn’t make it to Vatican City. That was another 1000 steps to climb. St Peter’s in Chains is where they keep the chains that were used on Peter during his incarceration.

It also hosts Michelangelo’s sculpture of Moses.

On the way back, there was a guy playing typical Italian songs the accordion. William wanted to get a picture with him.

William: Uh, he smelled heavily of liquor.

Me: That’s how rock stars do. They have to get lit up to rock the stage…or in this instance, the steps.

Afterwards, we go to the hotel to get our bags…which were sitting in the hallway. What kind of security system is that? No id, just sitting out for anybody to take. We were lucky they were there. The desk clerk is still getting the side-eye as I type this.

Sweet Willy and I are so tired by this point, we suck it up and decide to pay for a taxi to the train station for our 4 hour ride back to Genoa.

Overall, it was a jam-packed weekend but we had a great time and got to see a lot. Special thanks to Sweet Willy for flying all the way out to Italy for the weekend to keep me company and hang out in the IT. I had a blast!

Nikki’s Favorite Things: Dublin Edition

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I’ve been to Dublin a couple of times and always find something new to experience. I love the lush green grass, lively cafes & bars and friendly natives. I first became interested in Dublin while reading The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning (a series of 5 books focusing on the character of Mackayla Lane, a pampered southern belle from Georgia, who goes to Dublin to find her sister’s killer). It’s based in the supernatural/urban fantasy genre and a wonderful read. What I loved about the books is that the author really took chances with the lead character and you were constantly surprised. Anyway, as I became enthralled with the series, I anticipated seeing the places she referenced. Below is a list of my favorite places, experiences & things to do in Dublin.

St. Stephens Green Park

This has to be one of the most beautiful parks I’ve ever visited. It was so peaceful and even though a lot of people were about, it was surprisingly quiet.

Grafton Street

It’s one of the two principal (pedestrian) shopping streets in Dublin city center (the other being Henry Street). With high-end shopping and entertainment, in 2008 it was named the fifth most expensive main shopping street in the world (Wikipedia). As you walk, you will see several street performers (playing blues, rock, or folk music), artists and florists. All the performers I saw were very good. Lining the streets are a variety of flower markets. I wanted to buy a bouquet and walk around with it all day because the smell and colors were wonderful!

Trinity College

Trinity College, formally known as the College of the Holy and Undivided Trinity of Queen Elizabeth near Dublin, was founded in 1592 by Queen Elizabeth I as the “mother of a university” (Wikipedia). The campus is beautiful. It was originally a Protestant college. However, Catholics started attending the school in the 1970s. Be sure to check out the Book of Kells which is a book containing the 4 Gospels in Latin. This book was written in calligraphy during the 17th century by 4 monks and richly decorated with inks from the Middle East. It was actually pretty cool to see how rich the colors still are after all these years.

Queen of Tarts

I know I talk about food a lot…especially tea and scones. Okay, seriously? The Queen of Tarts is AWESOME! They have 2 locations very close to each other (and yes, I went to both). In fact, I went there 4 TIMES in 2 DAYS! That’s right. I am not ashamed to admit it. I love scones and clotted cream. Clotted cream is like whipped creamy crack. When I got back to Atlanta, I spent days tracking down a store that imports it and bought 4 jars. Yep…it just got real, y’all.

Temple Bar district

The Temple Bar district is an arts and entertainment maze of pubs…it’s basically the party district where most of the action is (bars/pubs, outdoor performers, etc.).

To give you a little flavor of what to expect, when I was in Dublin over the summer, my colleague & I went to the Temple Bar district and happened to walk past a pub that had gotten out of control. It’s 5pm…and these folks are drunk like it’s 2am. What the hell? Faces are red, folks are drunk screaming (you know what I mean, “WOOOOO! THAT WAS F’ING AWESOME, DUDE! I’M GONNA FIGHT LIAM IF HE LOOKS MY WAY AGAIN!”). It was one of those things where you just start backing away slowly because you didn’t know what was about to happen. When a guy came out with his face covered in purple/bluish bruises, I knew it was time to go. So, we keep walking to a different pub.

A colleague that works in the Dublin office recommended we check out a pub in this area. It was even recommended by Rick Steves. Sigh. Maybe it was an off night? We go in and I noticed the crowd was mostly elderly. I mean, they were playing ABBA. Uh, are they Irish? I didn’t think so. We take a seat at the bar and order a Guinness. This pub is on the infamous “pub crawl” which is about to start in 30 minutes or so. I’m thinking that it will get better. And, it does. But for totally different reasons.

1. Blue Collar So You Think You Can Dance (aka “The BC Onesie Crew) = a group of guys come in dressed in their work clothes. These work clothes are blue jumpsuits (like adult onesies). Instead of taking the entire onesie off, they just unzip the top part and tie the arms around the waist. Clearly they have on clothes underneath (t-shirt & jeans) so I’m not sure why they continue to wear the onesie. But, they do. Maybe it doubles as their “clubbing” outfit? As they are drinking, the onesie slides down a little more…because they are getting crunk. Guinness is potent y’all. The Irish jigs start playing and it turns into a juke joint. I’m like, “the hell is this?” Next thing I know, they are doing Riverdance and trying to pick up the nearest lady that passes them. But, not to be outdone…

2. Irish Kid & Play = that’s right. However, it really was only Kid because his partner didn’t want to drop it like it’s hot. In fact, he tried to act like Kid didn’t exist at one point. Clearly, he didn’t recognize greatness! So, Kid sees the BC Onesie Crew and was like, “I see your Riverdance, and I will raise you the Michael Jackson Experience.” Then, the greatest thing happens. Kid drops his head, raises his right arm, holds his hand up and does the Janet Jackson “Rhythm Nation” countdown, does a pop n lock before hitting us with the full turn and the MJ “Black & White” video scream into the non-existent wind machine. This happened right in front of me. I think he is a warlock with tiger blood & Adonis DNA because this was made for the win. He stops, looks at the BC Onesie Crew and was like, “Checkmate, MFers”.

You know the BC Onesie Crew weren’t going out like that. It’s time to come out of the onesie now. They take a long drink of Guinness before pulling out the advanced moves. Oh yeah, it just got really real, y’all. They are battling…with Irish jigs playing on the 1s and 2s. Y’all ain’t ready for this. So, the BC Onesie Crew raise their arms, do some sort of flapping movement (kind of like Morris Day & The Time’s “The Bird”) with a 2-step salsa and look at Kid like, “take that, take that.” What? Not Diddy! They just came with something they had practiced for the past month. This was it…their Big Joker. What they didn’t know was that Kid was going to run a Boston. He was like, “That’s all you got?” Then looks at the DJ like, “Kick an old school 13th century beat, maestro!” He takes his hat off (a la MJ at the Motown 25th anniversary when he performed “Billie Jean”), does the Cabbage Patch, mixes in some country line dancing which transitioned into the moonwalk and finishes off with the robot. Kid for the win! Y’all think I’m making this up…but I’m not. That made my night. I was like, “Jiggin’ is serious in the Dubs!” Don’t get caught slippin’ y’all. You can’t get on Ireland’s Best Dance Crew doing the electric slide.

The fitzwilliam Hotel

The fitzwilliam is a 5-star luxury hotel is fabulous and located in the city center right on St. Stephens Green. It’s one of the most comfortable hotels I’ve stayed in and is within walking distance to Grafton Street, Trinity College, the Temple Bar district, Dublin Castle and the Queen of Tarts. I would definitely stay there again.

I should also let you know that it has a spa but, um…let me tell you my about my experience and you can decide if you want to do partake of their services. I should’ve known something was up when the masseuse told me that her massages were “different”. I just didn’t think anything of it. That was my first mistake. The second was telling her that I liked a “deep” touch. The massage was supposed to be a hybrid Swedish & Aromatherapy. It starts out fine. Then I noticed that it started to hurt. Apparently, she’s got a bit of muscle because she took a “deep touch” to mean that I wanted my subdermis tissue massaged as well. I deal with it thinking that all my muscles should be nice and loose. Then…it happened. I’m lying there all relaxed about to fall asleep and next thing I know, she starts beating me! With open hands! Like I stole something from her. I was like, “Hold up, Ike! What did I do to you? Why are you hitting me?” She responds that “repetitive smacking” motions help break up fatty tissue. Um, assault and battery help remove cellulite??? The hell? I thought that she would stop beating me after she finished working on my legs. I lay my head back down…still a bit rattled but determined to enjoy my massage. Next thing I know, she’s moved to my buttocks, pulled the sheet down then starts to smack my booty! I was like, “OH HECKS NAW!” This whole Chris Brown massage was not working for me. I had to let her know that she needed to focus on smooth motions and move away from my butt. That is not where I hold my stress. Stop beating me like I’m not singing “Proud Mary” right. Because believe me…this big wheel will keep on rolling. So, after we realigned expectations, the massage went better. But, my booty still stung. I felt like I was a kid again getting a whippin’ from my Dad – which always occurred for no good reason because I was an angel as a child!

Ha’Penny Bridge & the River Liffey

Just like the name sounds…there used to be a one and a half pence fee to cross over the River Liffey (which is a river that runs thru the center of town). I don’t even know how they worked that out to make change. What I loved most was this note on the pavement as you are crossing…

The Dublin Ghostbus Tour

In one word? AWESOME! It was so campy and I loved every minute of it. But, be ready to suspend belief. The bus had blackout drapes so it was pitch dark and it was decorated like a Haunted House inside! OMG, it was fabulous.

Our tour guide was Declan. He wore all black and talked very dramatic. Like our lives were on the line. You could die at any second. Fun fact…I absolute REFUSE to watch scary movies. But, stuff like this I think I can handle. As long as Sammy Terry doesn’t come out of the woodwork. Then, all bets are off. Get the Depends because my nerves can’t take it. But, I digress…Anyway, I felt like Vincent Price would be coming over the loud speakers at any moment. In fact, our bus music as we drove to different sites was “Thriller”. Michael Jackson and looking for ghosts? Winning! They also played “Ghostbusters” which was cheesy but you know I was screaming out, “WHO YOU GONNA CALL?” That’s right. Don’t act like you didn’t just say it with me. It’s mobile theater & karaoke!

We went to a cemetery that was supposedly haunted. Declan told us the story of a priest who was tortured then burned to death for refusing to convert from Catholicism to Protestant. It’s said that his ghost haunts the cemetery. He also tells us that Bram Stoker went to school in Dublin (at Trinity College) and the legend of Dracula was born here.

We pass different places with cool stories (i.e. the College of Physicians where we are told of the strange activities of Dr. Clossy, whose spirit is still seen walking the corridors carrying a bucket of human entrails — apparently, he lived at the College and used to have students steal corpses to use as cadavers for teaching them about the human body).

There are a lot of stories (it’s a 2.5 hour tour) but the one that stuck out to me was The Lady in White. Mostly because it didn’t make any logical sense and I need to understand why things happen. Declan tells us the story of a beautiful woman who married this wealthy business man. The man loved her more than the moon and the stars and the sunshine in the sky. Air wasn’t worth breathing if her sweet breath wasn’t on it. That kind of thing. He really amps it up by highlighting how much this man loves this woman…which will be important to remember later on. So, the morning after their wedding night, the husband reaches over to kiss is wife and finds her body cold. He assumes she has died and was like, “LAWD NO! NOT MY SWEET PEA! HOW AM I GONNA LIVE WITHOUT HER?”. He has a funeral and insists that his beloved (who I’m going to name Carla) be buried in her wedding dress with her trillion dollar wedding ring. Nothing is too good for his dead baby boo. But, Seamus (the guy burying Carla) was like, “oh, I’m gettin’ that ring and then I’m going down to the pub to make it rain”). After Seamus puts Carla in the crypt, he tries to take the ring off her finger but it won’t come off. So, he pulls out his pocket knife and tries to saw off her finger. That’s when Carla wakes up and is like, “Fool, what is wrong with you?!? You betta back up off me!” Seamus is like, “OH HELL NAW!” and he runs out. Comeback Carla is bewildered as to what has happened. Maybe she thought she took a long nap after all that good lovin’ her baby boo gave her on their wedding night? Who knows? Anyway, Comeback Carla leaves the crypt and heads back to her house. Now, let’s do a quick recap before I get to the end of the story. Comeback Carla & her husband Richy Rich are so in love. Carving “CC + RR 4EVA” on every tree they pass. Because their love is real. Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby…or so Comeback Carla thought. After a night of passion, CC appears dead, RR is “devastated” as he buries his beloved boo. Are we all on the same page? Good. Now, when folks die, they are usually buried in a matter of days. So, while Declan didn’t say specifically, we’ll say a week has passed since RR thought CC died. Well, CC shows back up at the house and when her husband opens the door, she’s like, “I’m back, baby! Give me some suga!” He slams the door in her face. I’m sure she was like, “I know this fool didn’t just shut that door in my face after I’ve been buried in a crypt with this heavy-ass wedding dress on while walking 3 miles to the house after having some fool try to cut my finger off. I know that didn’t happen. RICHY! OPEN THIS MF’IN DOOR…NOW!” But, Declan said RR couldn’t accept her. WHAT? That doesn’t make any sense. Why wouldn’t he taker her back? Did he have a new boo? Was he just in shock? It was a week! What the hell happened? Did Comeback Carla turn into Bitter Betty? Was it an episode of “Snapped”? I was asking questions! He didn’t have any answers. He just said that RR never took CC back and ended up losing all his money and being buried in a pauper’s grave. What? I was like, “you need to work on this story and come up with a more plausible ending, Dec.” Seriously. I ended up Googling the story because I needed to know why RR wouldn’t take her back. Something had to have happened. There were at least 10 stories about a Lady in White in every city but Dublin. I’ll let you do draw your own conclusions.

What to Wear When Travelling Abroad

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One of the most popular questions asked when getting ready for a trip overseas is “What should I wear?” I always suggest researching what the locals are wearing (with a few exceptions notated below). Not solely for aesthetic reasons, but also for safety. Most pickpockets target tourists. Looking like you belong goes a long way. Here are a few suggestions to help you look like a local on your travels abroad.

1. Dress for the Country/Culture. Each country has its own style. Some countries are more lax (the U.S., England, Ireland, Scotland) while others take their fashion seriously (France & Italy). With the exceptions that I have noted below, you can usually get away with a nice pair of jeans/black pants/skirt and plain shirts/sweaters. Don’t wear anything outrageous or loud (leave the catsuit at home).

Middle East/Egypt/Morocco (& other Islamic countries) = First and foremost, you want to respect the culture of the country you are visiting. Which means no Daisy Dukes while visiting the Pyramids of Giza in Cairo (and, yes, I have seen it). Make sure you dress conservatively (covering most of your skin). Yeah, it may be hot, but you can find breathable and dry-wick fabrics pretty easily. Trust me; you do not want to stand out in a conservative country. Women from western countries are viewed as being “loose”, which can invite sexual harassment from the local male population. By keeping your goodies covered up, you take the attention off of you (and your valuables). In Morocco, most women (and quite a few men) wear djellabas (a hooded robe). These can be either heavy or light weight in fabric (according to season). I didn’t wear one when I was there, but it is definitely an option which will reduce the amount of stares you get. I tend to buy breathable tunics from Old Navy (most are 3/4 length sleeves), long flowing skirts, loose capris and convertible cargo pants.
France/Italy = These 2 fabulous countries are homes to the most famous fashion houses around. This means they take their fashion seriously. While the Italians are a bit more accepting, the French will turn their nose up if you walk past them wearing any of the items listed below in #3.
You can never go wrong with basic black. It’s easy to coordinate and you can interchange with stylish accessories (like a scarf or costume jewelry).
The French love black, navy and brown. I suggest using those as your base colors. You will notice that most of the French will pair up their dark wardrobe with a colorful scarf. Don’t have one? Buy one when you get there…it’s a souvenir & fashion accessory all in one.
The Italians love color and you can get away with a lot more. Most of all, it is attitude.
Quick everyday tip = Get your clothes tailored. I noticed that many people look better in clothes that are altered to fit their shape. I picked this tip up while visiting Paris. Everybody there looks like a million bucks (or euros) and it really is because their clothes fit impeccably.
Spain = The Spanish love color & flowing maxi dresses/skirts. I also noticed some ladies wearing cowboy boots with shorts but we will pretend like I didn’t see that because I don’t think that’s a good look personally (I like to call that seasonal dyslexia).
England/Ireland/Scotland/Holland/Czech Republic/Switzerland/Scandinavia = Pretty much anything goes. I can’t say that I have seen a huge difference in what they wear vs. the U.S. (with the exception of the “don’ts” listed below). A popular look during the summer of 2011 was shorts with tights & Chuck Taylors (*shudders*). Don’t emulate that. Hopefully that was a 1 season only look.

2. Dress for the Season. Be sure to check the weather before you go. Weather Underground is a good resource. I have typically found that you will need to dress in layers no matter when you travel abroad. A light jacket, colorful scarves, stylish cardigans/sweater coats are a must for spring, summer & fall. Going in the winter? Bring along a warm coat, some snazzy boots & a cute hat/scarf/glove combo. I had left my puffer coat at home during a winter trip to Milan…only to realize that everybody (and I do mean everybody) was wearing one. First and foremost, you want to be warm. Don’t take an unlined peacoat when visiting Finland in the dead of winter. Your health trumps fashion. Plus, you will stand out as not knowing how to dress properly for cold weather 🙂 ExOfficio is now offering a snazzy sweater jacket that doubles as a travel pillow when folded. This jacket is so cozy & warm! I recently wore it during a winter trip and fell in love with it. The jacket packs very easily, is super soft AND rain-resistant as well as keeping you warm & toasty. This is now my go-to jacket both here and abroad!

3. DO NOT WEAR…

Baseball caps! If you want to protect your head & face from the harsh sun, opt for a stylish wide-brimmed hat (during the summer) or cloche/fedora (during the winter). Baseball caps scream tourist. Don’t bring your favorite sporting team to France unless you are actually on the team, k?
Baseball/Football Jerseys, High School/College T-shirts, etc. Do I really even to explain why wearing a baseball or football jersey is a no-no? Again, you don’t want to stand out as a tourist for pickpockets. T-shirts are fine if they are plain or have a cool graphic. Bottom line, you want to look nice…not like you are getting ready to workout. If you just don’t think you can survive without wearing sporting apparel, buy a soccer/rugby jersey. You can fit in and it will be a conversation starter.
Fanny-packs! Seriously…just no. It’s not cute. Tell your mother to leave it at home with the rest of the 80’s attire. I don’t even know how this item became popular. Never carry your money and valuables in a waist contraption that is easily seen. You are begging a pickpocket to take a knife, cut the strap and steal it from you. Use a money belt instead. It’s similar to your beloved fanny-pack; it just goes under your shirt/waist of your pants instead so it will not be seen. This protects your valuables from curious onlookers.
Expensive jewelry/bags! A pickpocket will tackle you to steal your Rolex or Louis Vuitton. Leave your valuables at home.
White sneakers??? I have actually seen quite a few locals wearing sneakers (though not usually white) around London & Paris. My preference is to bring a pair of running shoes (as I like to workout during my trips abroad…even running races like the Paris-Versailles 10K) as well as a comfortable & stylish walking shoe (i.e. Hush Puppies, Mephisto, Clarks) that can transition into an evening shoe. I highly recommend walking shoes that have a rubber sole to minimize the impact of walking on cobblestones. I love the Hush Puppies Sonnet flat which you can buy at Macy’s for almost half of what it retails for at other locations as well as the Makena Ballerina shoe. Bottom line is to wear a shoe that you will be comfortable walking in for hours at a time.

4. Must Haves.

Light jacket/cardigan/wrap = If you plan to wear tanks or sleeveless tops during the summer, be sure to bring something to cover your shoulders when visiting a place of worship. You will not be allowed to enter with shoulders (and sometimes legs) exposed. I bought Magellan’s Sun Protection Wrap for my recent trip to Morocco and fell in love. So soft and it provides the necessary protection (both arms and head) when you enter places of worship. I even wear it around at home.
Secure purse/money belt = I have been using a PacSafe purse (stylish & secure) to carry around my valuables, guidebook, umbrella & bottled water for a couple of years now and it is awesome. Highly recommend! The shoulder straps are reinforced with steel so it cannot be cut and the zippers lock into place. It will take a pickpocket a few minutes to figure out how to gain access to your valuables.
Comfortable walking shoes = As I stated above, cobblestones can be harsh on your feet. A stylish rubber-soled shoe will save your tootsies!
Dark colored pants & skirt = Use these as your base pieces. Dark colors camouflage stains & are great to pair with funky accessories.

5. Handy resources. Here are a few websites that focus on travel-related items: While ExOfficio & Magellans offer stylish options, you can certainly find great travel clothing from cheaper stores (i.e. Old Navy, Target, etc.).

While these tips may not prevent you from being identified as a tourist, it will keep your bag lighter and you safer. Hope it helps! Safe travels. Do you have any travel fashion tips? If so, please comment as I’m always looking for a fresh perspective!

Also check out my posts on Nikki’s Favorite Things: Fashion Accessories and Essentials for Stress-Free Travel.

The Secret World of Pompeii

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Okay, y’all ain’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready. As you know, I like to give you a little flavor along with the history of the sites I visit. Well, when our tour guide gave us the background on what life was really like in Pompeii before it was destroyed, it was like I was listening to “E True Hollywood Story: Pompeii”. There is just so much.

First, the excavation site was visually more stunning than I expected. Second, I was amazed that so many ancient homes were still somewhat intact. I can’t even imagine my house being around thousands of years from now.

As we are walking, the guide tells us about the people of Pompeii. I’m listening kind of lazily while taking pictures. I mean, I’d just hiked up a volcano so my attention span was on a downward spiral. Anyway, the guide says a series of things that capture and hold my interest for the rest of the day.

1. Pompeii had an open sewer. That’s right; Pompeii’s theme song was “Funkytown”. I know…I couldn’t really believe it either. I had to ask for clarification because it just seemed too nasty to be real. Feces and urine would run down the streets and they would wait for the rain to wash it away. Sorry for you if it happened to be a dry month. You can see in this picture that there are huge stones that the people would use to cross the street (I like to call it “Doo Doo Crossing”) so they wouldn’t have to step in that crap (you know they only wore sandals which meant if they stepped in it, then they got the full effect). I am sure that folks inevitably fell off the stones. Maybe that is where the saying “Oh, sh*t!” came from?

2. The rich folks in Pompeii were pompous. Apparently, the good citizens of Funkytown liked to show off their wealth. When you went over to Titus’s house, he had his treasure chest open on the front table so you could see how rich he was. Also, they had a tiled mosaic of a big dog with “beware of dog” (in Latin) in the foyer. So, basically, they invited you over and said, “Hey, look at all my money…but don’t try to take it because Fido will kill you. More wine?” This was well before the time of Occupy Pompeii Street.

3. Pompeii was full of freaks. Apparently, Pompeii was where the party was at. They had 80 bars and 25 brothels. With the open sewer. I am not able to get past the open sewer so let’s just address that now. It’s gonna come up…often. Anyway, the freaks did come out at night and they were doing things that Rick James couldn’t even dream of. Modern Pompeii is full of people selling erotic calendars, statues, playing cards, etc (see below). Now, I originally thought these sexual position scenes may have been their version of “art” back then. But, the guide pointed out that they posted these scenes in the bedrooms of the whorehouses as a “menu of services” (just like McDonald’s). You know I was looking to see what the “goings on” were (purely for research purposes only). You ain’t ready for that. A menu of sexual services. Seriously. After getting your drank on at one of the 80 bars then crossing and falling into the open sewer, you go over to Octavia’s and ask for a #3. Love it.

4. Funk is a theme. Now, the good people of Pompeii didn’t have bath tissue back then so they had to make do. The lower caste folks would just wipe their booty with the left hand and eat with the right (they didn’t have forks or spoons back then which means they really needed both hands). The rich folks would use a communal sea sponge for the family. I’m gonna let that marinate for a minute. Imagine you and your family all using the same sponge to wipe after doing #2. I guess if they can deal with the open sewers, they can deal with a communal sponge. They also used urine to bleach their clothes. Really? My dog would love that.

5. They had cafes! We found these bars with counters. People would come in during the day and have bread and wine. They paid their money and would sit at tables to socialize. I never imagined an ancient civilization with marble counters!

It broke my heart to see the castes of the human & canine remains that were preserved from the lava and ash. You can see the remains below of a man, dog and slave.

Overall, Pompeii was fascinating! I highly recommend a visit if you ever plan to be in the Naples or Sorrento area.

E True Versailles Story: Royals Gone Wild

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I decided to tour Versailles. Since I had such a great time on the Night Bike Tour in Paris, I booked the Versailles tour through Fat Tire Bike Tours as well. The tour lasts approximately 8.5 hours so it’s a full day of riding & sightseeing.

While in Paris, we ride our bikes from the bike shop to the train station (which is about 10 minutes away), then put the bikes on the train for a 20 minute ride to Versailles. Once we arrive, we pedal over to the farmer’s market to buy food for our picnic that afternoon.

The market is fantastic! You can really go broke (because a tray of raspberries and other fruit cost me 17 euros) but the freshness of the food is unbelievable. I ended up buying some fruit, tomatoes, green beans, rotisserie chicken and water. I passed on buying a bottle of wine as I remembered the drunk pedaling from before. So, after we load up the bikes with our purchases, we bike over to the grounds of the Palace of Versailles (or as it is called in French, Château de Versailles).

Apparently, they try to keep the château & grounds true to history so the horses and sheep are there for decoration which has to be a pretty plush job for them. Our fabulous tour guides are Sadie and Matt.

Okay…I hope I remember all the history correctly. If there are inaccuracies, then let me know. Versailles used to be the hunting grounds of King Louis XIII and was made the capital of France by King Louis XIV (“KL14”) from 1682 until the French Revolution which started in 1789. Three kings lived in Versailles (KL14 who built the Palace of Versailles, KL15 who enjoyed it, and KL16 who paid for it…with his head).

The Palace is lavish…in fact, it’s downright gaudy. You know how some folks just don’t know that less is more? Well, that was the Louis’. In the end, all that flash came back to bite them in the butt.

This place has a lot of gold…like Mr. T had been their architect and interior designer. They just covered everything with flowers and paintings. It was like they had to have it all. Even if it didn’t quite blend in with the décor. They’d just see something, buy it, put it in a room and name it a certain “salon”.

Apparently, the Dauphin & Dauphine (king and queen) had their own set of suites on opposite sides of the palace. And, considering all the mistresses that KL14 & 15 had, it’s no surprise.

The dining room was called the “Hall of Mirrors” and is 250 feet long, with 17 arched windows and 17 matching arched mirrors that look at the garden. The literature states that it “reflects an age when beautiful people loved to look at themselves.” I saw the portraits of a lot of folks back then and um…let’s just say that beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. Maybe it’s just me but I think I’ve only seen 1 portrait of someone who I thought was attractive. Otherwise, they just all looked plain. And, a couple of the women look like men dressed in drag. I mean, it was a painting so they could’ve done some photoshopping and prettied them up with a few strokes of the paintbrush. One woman was painted with a light mustache. If that was me, the painter would’ve have been shown the door. Make me thinner & prettier…not fatter and more masculine.

Sorry, I digressed. Guess I got caught up in all the beauty. Back to the dining room. It was huge. But KL14 (or as he named himself, the “Sun King”) felt like he needed more space to entertain. So, he made all the people move out of the village of Trianon so he could build a SECOND DINING ROOM! Apparently, pretty people need a lot of space to eat. KL14 went all out. Nothing was too good…he even had the marble brought in from Italy. KL14 was spending the money from France’s treasury on furnishing his home like he was at the strip club making it rain. One figure I heard was that he spent HALF of what was in the treasury. So, he kicked the folks out the area and named the dining hall after the village in honor of them. I’m sure they appreciated that sentiment as they were living under a bridge.

If anything, KL14 needed to be building a shower and bathtub because it is rumored that he only bathed two or three times in his life. I was reading The Raucous Royals (because I love gossip & scandal even if it’s hundreds of years old), and it stated that “In King Louis XIV’s day, people thought a good, thick, grimy layer of filth would keep you healthy and strong. They believed water spread diseases by penetrating the pores of the skin and then infecting the bloodstream. Most people didn’t bathe more than once a year. The wealthy did change their linen throughout the day because they believed that the linen wicked away sweat and dirt, but they still stunk.” And that made no logical sense. Come on, France. To combat the smells, the men and ladies in KL14’s court would douse themselves with perfumes and powders. So, imagine being back in that day and having to smell Jean-Claude’s funk mixed with Cody Wild Musk for Men. Ewwww.

To be fair, the book stated that KL14 was so clean that he was almost fussy about it. “He often bathed in a big Turkish bath. When not in his bath, he rubbed spirits or alcohol on his skin (perfume gave him headaches), which acted as a disinfectant. And, as if that were not enough, he changed his undies three times a day!” The book also said that KL14 towered over his subjects at an amazing 6’10”. Unfortunately, he was only 5’4” when naked. “To compensate for his short stature, he wore a twelve-inch-high wig and six-inch red heels. But this was one look that no one could copy. King Louis XIV decreed that only the king could wear red heels.” Only the king wears Prada, y’all.

Now, this book also said that Queen Elizabeth 1 would bleach her teeth with dog urine so keep that in mind when judging the veracity of their information. Regardless of bathing or not, whatever he did it must have paid off because KL14 lived to the ripe old age of seventy-seven and was king for seventy-two years, longer than any other French monarch in history.

So, KL14 builds up a lavish palace and dies then KL15 assumes the throne (after a regency period since he was only 5 when his great-granddaddy went to the gilded gates). KL15 was known as the playboy extraordinaire. He claims to have had 5000 mistresses. Okay, Wilt Chamberlain. One mistress, Marie Anne de Maillynesle, put together a business plan for her future when her looks started to fade. She figured out that KL15 liked his women more than ruling so when she felt like she was getting too old, instead of having him kick her to the curb…she became a pimp and procured women for him. However, she wanted more power…and since he didn’t really want to govern anything outside the bedroom, he let A Pimp Named Marie Anne run the country. She would just start wars (like the Seven Years War) so she could resolve them and have even more power. The most famous of his mistresses are Madame du Pompadour and Madame du Barry. Of course, with all the sleeping around he was doing, you know they all had cooties. How are you going to be scared of water but not STDs? Come on, France.

We then pedal over to the Hamlet of The Domaine de Marie Antoinette (aka The Hamlet). In order to understand the significance of The Hamlet, I’ll give you a bit of background about the events leading up to the French Revolution. As I stated above, KL14 & 15 were living the high life by spending money on buildings, wars, clothes and women.

Then, KL16 comes along. He was set to marry Marie-Antoinette after the Seven Years War as a way to solidify peace between France & Austria. The story goes that KL16 was a nerdy kid who, at 15 (the age he married Marie-Antoinette), preferred to collect bugs & locks than look at women. Then, there was the supposedly beautiful Marie-Antoinette (“MA”). Sigh. I saw the painting. We’ll give her a pass. So, “beautiful” MA marries KL16 at the age of 14. Her primary goal was to get knocked up with some heirs. But, KL16 wanted to go out and collect fireflies and pick locks. And, MA, having read the precursor to the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You” was upset. Which many women can sympathize with. It’s one thing to be rejected by a fine man. Quite another to be rejected by the French Urkel. MA tries to seduce KL16 to no avail. People start looking at her all suspiciously because she hasn’t gotten knocked up yet. So, she did what most women do when they are depressed. No, not eat chocolate and binge drink (or maybe that’s just me). She went shopping. And spent MASSIVE amounts of money on all the latest fashions. Where did that money come from? The treasury into which folks paid their taxes.

Finally, 7 years later, MA gets pregnant. Maybe she put on some kinky ladybug lingerie and rubbed her legs together like a spider to entice KL16. Who knows? She ended up having 4 kids. After having her kids, she decided that she wanted to know what it was like to live like a peasant…so she had The Hamlet built.

This “peasant village” was basically a big dollhouse & playground. She had sheep that she would have dyed a different color each day depending on her mood. She then would pretend to milk a cow into a porcelain bowl. Her peasant dresses were tailored. You can only imagine from the pictures how much this little playground cost the taxpayers. And, apparently, when the villagers saw her making a mockery of their lives…well, let’s just say that karma is a ______.

MA had her own place with a moat around it and required KL16 to send a written request before coming to visit. Legend is that she had a Swedish lover that she would meet at the Temple of Love she had built for their rendezvous (which was not at all discreet…Temple of Love, Marie? Seriously?). With 80 acres of land, they could slip off and not be seen by anybody.

After the French monarchy were on MTV’s “Cribs”, the bourgeoisie class (which were the middle class and merchants) were like, “WTF?” They were tired of seeing their hard-earned money go to waste. People were starving because taxes had risen dramatically to pay for such a lavish lifestyle in Versailles. So, they ended up signing the “Tennis Court Treaty” where they wrote a constitution and basically decided to revolt. Which, I don’t know why KL16 didn’t see this coming. The French had just helped out the US for the American Revolutionary War…put down the bugs, buddy. You know the Americans were like, “Listen, Pierre, you gots to get out now. You think I’m gonna let George tell me what to do? I’m not calling him “king”. Plus, I think he’s got a mental illness and I don’t have time for the drama. Britain can kick rocks!!! U-S-A-U-S-A-U-S-A. What? Is he your master now? Can he beat you up? You need to take notes and tell Louis that France don’t have time for bug collectin’ and prancing around in stockings and high heels while folks can’t buy bread! Revolt, man!” While KL16 was collecting butterflies, the French were collecting guns.

So, the French Revolution starts in 1789 when KL16 finally gets a clue that something is going on and sends his army into Paris to put the smack down. The citizens think the soldiers are about to attack and get all Matrix on them and storm the battalion to set free the political prisoners…of which there were only 5; and get the gun powder which was stored there. Then, the fishmonger women (you know, the women who work at the docks) started marching on Versailles and surrounded the Palace. Finally, KL16 & MA surrendered under the condition that they would live under house arrest at the Louvre.

They lived at the Louvre for a few years but when they saw the guillotine had been built and folks were getting beheaded…well, they came up with an escape plan. I think it’s now pretty obvious that KL16 is no mastermind. MA passed out her tailored haute couture peasant clothes and they snuck out of the Louvre in the dead of night and probably would’ve made it to freedom had KL16 not refused to take a nondescript peasant carriage. He said he’d only ride in the royal carriage. Sigh. That kinda defeats the purpose of discretion. Once they convince him to take a Kia carriage, they end up being stopped by a patrolman outside the city. KL16’s face is on all currency so it didn’t take long for the patrolman to figure out KL16 (aka “The French MacGyver”) was trying to escape. Somehow, he just wasn’t getting the concept of subterfuge. So, of course they get caught. Then, they both end up getting beheaded. KL16 first…and MA almost a year later after she had been humiliated. Folks hated MA by this point and would just take any opportunity to ridicule her.

In the end, the whole family (except for 1 daughter) ended up dying. It’s pretty sad.

But, the grounds are beautiful! After riding around and looking at the gardens, we had a picnic on the grounds behind the palace.

Finally, I walked through this hall where a guy in period costume was playing chess against at least 12 people…and he beat everybody sitting there. Most people stare at the board for a while before making a move. This guy didn’t spend more than 30 seconds thinking of each move…would take whatever piece that was yours and move on to the next player.

Overall, Versailles is gorgeous. The Palace itself is okay (if you are into that type of thing). I thought the grounds, gardens and the Domaine de Marie-Antoinette were the most interesting.

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Roaming Thru Rome

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[This is the post that started it all…my very first trip overseas! I sent this email to friends & family in June 2007. It still cracks me up.]

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Hello, everybody! I have been in Rome less than 48 hours and so far, my trip has been like a Greek tragedy.

Act 1 “Getting to Rome”

I was booked on an US Air flight (from now on, I’ll be referring to them as Beelzebub Airlines, i.e. the Devil, or just B for short because it’s easier). Anyway, I had a B flight from Atlanta to Philly with just 1 hour for a layover before my connecting flight to Rome. Now, I knew it would be cutting it close should there be a delay but there wasn’t anything I could do. So, the flight from Atlanta gets delayed because there was too much “air traffic” in Philly. How long is the delay? One hour. Yes, I said 1 hour. The exact time I had between connections. So, the B pilot (I’m just gonna call him “Cooter”) tells us that B always pads the flight duration times so we will arrive at 5:15pm. I had a 6:05pm connecting flight. As Cooter is flying the plane he starts talking about altitude and the sunshine and other things I don’t really care about. I care about him increasing the speed on that jet so I could catch my flight. A 7-year-old girl looks at her watch (apparently the watch that Cooter doesn’t own) and announces that it is 5:25pm and we haven’t even begun to descend from the sky. I ask the flight attendant about options to hold my connecting flight by a few minutes. Of course, they can’t promise that but did say they would have an electric cart waiting to drive me over to the next concourse.

We finally land and I get off the plane around 5:45pm. Was there an electric cart waiting? I think you know the answer. My Mom calls to let me know that they’ve already boarded the flight and I need to get there now because they are about to close the door. So, I’m running like OJ thru the airport (without the knife or a Bronco) because there was no electric cart. I get to the gate and the less-than-friendly gate agent says, “We gave your seat away.” I responded with “Oh, so I’m flying first class now, right?” She said, “As of right now, you don’t even have a seat on the plane.” I just looked at her and thought to myself “Hmm, I’m gonna be on this flight if I have to sit with the pilot” and then wondered what kind of in-flight service he received because I’m sure he’s eating better than coach. She eventually finds a seat for me and I am able to board.

Act II “Arrival to Rome”

I arrive in Rome and guess who doesn’t have their bags? If you guessed me, then you are correct. I don’t have one article of clothing because I packed everything except for toiletries. I report my luggage as lost and started with my day. Rome is BEAUTIFUL. The experience of being here is hard to explain. However, I will share with you a few tidbits on the craziness that’s happened to me.

Since I don’t have any clothes, I had to go shopping. Now, something I didn’t know about Rome is that they apparently hate fat people. And, by fat people, that would be anybody that wears a U.S. size 6 and above. I go to a store and pull a couple of dresses off the rack to try on. I select a medium and a large (thinking that they might run a little small). A saleswoman (I’m calling her “Nunya” because she was all in my business without needing to be) walks up and looks over my shoulder at the sizes I picked up and says loudly (because apparently fat people are deaf too) “Jeeww need an EXTRA EXTRA LARGE”. I looked around thinking that maybe she was talking to someone else but she was all up in my face. So, I was like, “Um, I don’t wear that large of a size. This will be fine.” and go about my business of browsing the new “Crack/Smack” summer collection (because wasn’t nobody gonna fit them clothes unless they hit the pipe). So, Nunya disappears to what I thought was to mind her business. I was wrong. She comes out of the back room with an XXL size dress (I guess they leave the fat clothes in a special “Baby Got Back Room” or something) and then announces to the entire store “NOOO, JEEWWW NEED DIS EXTRA EXTRA LARGE. IT STRETCHES SO IT HELPS YO HIPS!” Um, what? My mind is screaming, “I know she ain’t talking to me.” I refuse to buy a size that I spent a year of hard dieting to leave behind. I wish I would by an XXL! I wear small and medium. I don’t care if America is lying to me about my size. Lie to me, America. I don’t want to know the truth. Clearly, I can’t handle the truth. So, I take the Jabba-the-Hut-sized dress and decided to try it on to prove to her that it was too big. Game on, sister! Well, to my surprise…that sucker barely fit. So, um…game off. My face was TIGHT! I was like, “oh hecks naw.” When did I become an XXL? Oh my God. I’m the light-skinned Precious! As I’m having my meltdown, Nunya says, “See, the fab-er-ic stret-chas fo jeww.” I just had to leave the store because my nerves were shot.

As I left the store and fumed all the way up the street, I started wishing I had some gelato to ease the pain of being called fat. Eventually, I find another store, and pick out a couple of outfits. But since the clothes are sized different, I wasn’t sure which size was appropriate. The sales guy (let’s call him “Antonio”) told me that I wear a 2. I was like “Is that a fat girl size? Because I ain’t buying a fat girl size.” At this point, my Mom is just looking away and laughing because other people in the store are looking at me like I’m crazy. Whatever. I was serious. NO FAT GIRL CLOTHES! My experience with Nunya had scarred me and I needed someone to talk me down and it was Antonio’s job to do it. He turned on the Italian charm and I finally found an outfit that fit then paid an astronomical amount because everything is expensive. If any of you are looking to do an outreach ministry, consider donating to me. Thanks!

Act III “Fat Brownie does Rome”

I thought my bags would arrive the next day…they didn’t. Thanks, Beelzebub Airlines! So, I had to go thru the shopping process all over again but decided to check out a different area. During my second sojourn into the trials and tribulations of being a big girl, I noticed something else…they don’t sell underwear. Well, they sell it sparingly and for a small fortune…like it is illegal or something. I asked at least 3 or 4 women where I could find underwear. At one store (I’ll call it “Skelewear” because you had to be a skeleton to fit the clothes), nobody spoke English. I know very limited Italian and used it up ordering a sandwich (big girls gotta eat). So, the lady says “yesa, I speaka a leetle englese.” I ask if she knew of anyplace that sold underwear. Her response? “Yes. No. No. Grazie” and she walks away. Yes, no, no, grazie? The hell? After walking around to a few stores, I finally found a pair of underwear. One pair costs $25 euro (since it wasn’t Spanx and that is apparently what I need to wear some clothes around here, I just passed)! I thought about finding Fabrizio on the corner and asking him if he could get me some Hanes off the black market for $5 euro. Somebody has to have the hook-up around here. I tried on more clothes, of which nothing fit. By now, my nerves are shot, I’m joining Weight Watchers online and looking for an Italian Lane Bryant. I end up borrowing clothes from my mother and other people on the tour. Because I’m too fat for Rome and have no luggage. How about that?

Act IV “My Daddy”

We went to see the Trevi Fountain and there was a guy that was dressed up kind of like the Statue of Liberty — faced painted gray with a gray robe holding a torch. I then realized it was an actual person…not a statue. So, I say discreetly to my father, “Dad, watch your step because you are about to back up on that guy.” He looks around and says loudly to the entire group of 37 people “HEY!!! THAT’S AN ACTUAL GUY. I THOUGHT IT WAS A STATUE! BRENDA, GET ME THE CAMERA SO I CAN TAKE A PICTURE.” All up in the man’s face. I was like, “What didn’t you understand about me being discreet?”

All in all, Italy really has been an amazing experience — 10,000 Miles by Air, 700 Miles by Bus, and 100 Miles by Foot (well, that may be a slight exaggeration). Seeing the ruins up close is something I really can’t describe.

Here are my favorites:

The Roman Forum — All Roads Lead to Rome

The Fonatana di Trevi was created by Nicola Salvi in 1762 and is Rome’s largest and most famous fountain. You can see the central figure is Neptune and he is flanked by two Tritons (one trying to master an unruly seahorse and the other leading a quieter beast). This is supposed to symbolize the contrasting moods of the sea. It’s estimated that each day 22 million gallons of water flow thru the fountain. This is the original site of the Aqua Virgo aqueduct built by Agrippa in 19 BC to channel water to Rome’s new bath complexes. It may have been named for a girl named, Trivia, who is said to have first shown the spring to thirsty Roman soldiers. Legend has it that if you toss a coin into the fountain, you are guaranteed to return to Rome. I’ve been back to Rome twice since that time.

The Spanish Steps (aka Piazza di Spagna) is the most famous square in Rome and takes its name from the Palazzo di Spagna, built in the 17th century to house the Spanish embassy to the Holy See.

The Colosseum is known as Rome’s greatest amphitheater. It was commissioned by Emperor Vespasian in AD 72. In this theater, up to 55,000 spectators could watch gladiators fight each other or wild animals. During the inaugural games in AD 80, approximately 9,000 wild animals were killed. Slaves could gain their freedom by fighting men or wild animals to the death. I guess you fight for freedom or die trying.

The Pantheon is also known as the Roman “temple of all the gods. It’s the best preserved ancient building in Rome. It was built (and possibly designed) by Emperor Hadrian in AD 118. It’s interesting in that during the 7th century, permission was granted to turn the temple into a church when Christians claimed by be plagued by demons as they passed by the building. Today, it’s lined with tombs and holds the bodies of Italian monarchs.

Other than the clothing situation, things have been wonderful. The men are absolutely gorgeous and I’ve had several people say that I look like I’m 18. Which is great since I’m just a couple of years older than that 🙂 Please pray for me that I receive my luggage soon. Otherwise, no telling what you might see on CNN. I might be in the studio with Sir Mix-a-lot working on the Italian version of “Baby Got Back”! Ha! Until then…ciao!

Hey, y’all! I’m baacckkkk!!!

August 7, 201910 Comments

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How ya been? I can’t believe it’s been over 3 years since I last wrote a blog post…or even really checked on this blog. I lost my domain name so note that the new blog link is http://www.internationaltravelchick.blog (.com takes you to a site that clearly isn’t associated with me). Life goes by so quickly!!! I figured I’d dust off my blog and start sharing about my life abroad.

Going forward, I’ll be posting about about my life here in London (my semi-new home) as well as tips for travel to the UK & Europe as well as skincare, makeup, and life. Basically, it will be a way for me to share my life as an expat and show you some cool things!

I’m going to start posting maybe 3 times a week. One of those will probably be a YouTube video so if you aren’t subscribed to my YT channel, be sure to go over and subscribe now!

I’m normally very private about my personal life, but have decided to share some of the defining moments over the past 3 years with you so you know why I’ve been MIA.

Moving Abroad

Last time I posted, I was living in the beautiful city of Paris. My former company relocated me to Paris after 18 months in Washington, DC and it was a dream come true!!! I actually used to have a photo of London on my vision board (since 2010) because I felt like my journey in life wouldn’t be complete unless I had the opportunity to live in another country. Fast forward to 2015, and I was asked my the then-CEO to move to Paris and head up the company’s international compliance group. I was HYPED!

But listen…living in Paris ain’t easy. I know…what can be hard about strolling down grand boulevards eating macarons? Well, if you don’t know French, it’s confusing and a bit frustrating. My frustration wasn’t with French people (I’m lying…sometimes it was), but mostly with myself for not being able to pick up French fast enough. I learned pretty quickly that I couldn’t do a literal translation of English to French. My first attempt to showcase my “off-the-cuff literal French translation” resulted in what I thought was “I’m hot” (because the weather was really warm) translating to “I’m horny”. Apparently, I needed to say “I have heat”. Come on, France. Ha! It was so hard to learn a new language when you are traveling all the time and working long hours. But, I did learn enough French to bumble my way along and not come across as a streetwalker.

I was also able to find a beautiful flat in the Montparnasse area (which was only a 15 minute walk from the Eiffel Tower) that I absolutely adored. I was also able to bring my beloved pooch, Riley, with me and he took to Paris like sugar to croissants. Seriously, he was going to doggie day spas and living his best life.

Then, after almost 2 years in Paris, my company moved me to our new headquarters in London. I feel like it’s been non-stop settling & re-settling for the past 5 years.

Dealing with Life

The past 3 years haven’t been easy…but things are much better now. I’ve dealt with major losses…including suffering a miscarriage, having to put Riley to sleep (honestly, that day and the day I miscarried were probably 2 of the worst days of my life), having my heart broken, my cousin being killed in action while serving in Afghanistan, learning to navigate corporate politics in a global environment, and finding the courage to leave the perceived security blanket of a full-time job to start my own company. It’s been a lot. And it seemed like it was one devastating event right after another. It can wear you down. I had slipped into a depression, gained weight, suffered health issues…and was exhausted by trying to pretend everything was ok for the people I had to interact with regularly. Which meant there was nothing left in the tank to pretend on the interwebs. I found myself pulling back from a lot of social media interaction and people.

The thing with depression is that it’s like a darkness that slips over you without you realising it until it’s too late. Between the losses mentioned above and the fear of failing with my new company, I was an absolute mess. And the thing with messes…they aren’t cleaned up easily or quickly. When you are trying to be superwoman, that cape gets heavy. I wanted to showcase emotional resilience, only to find out that I needed to take time and process the trauma.

I started therapy (which I think EVERYBODY needs to go to…we all have issues and we are in this together!) but also really invested in self-care. My body shut down on me and my doctor told me things wouldn’t get better until I learned how to truly manage my stress level. Which meant letting go of fear. I started meditation, reiki, floating (sensory deprivation is awesome) and most importantly, giving myself grace.

I’m so thankful for my friends and family who have been there to help pick me up and support me when I didn’t have the energy to support myself. Life can be hard, but having people who know you and don’t make demands on you but are just there to pour into your empty cup in your time of need are critical.

Thanks for reading. This wasn’t easy to write as being vulnerable is uncomfortable. I do hope this gives you a bit of insight into my world. I look forward to getting back into the swing of things over here at International Travel Chick. So, stick around and let’s see where the next adventure takes us!

xoxo,

Nikki

TU S1.2; TS 4: Sip & Cycle (Part 1) – Paris

June 1, 2016June 1, 2016Leave a comment

Join me as we learn about & drink different wines. We will cycle thru Paris on a picnic-style bike with Cyclo Cafe and Tanisha Townsend of Girl Meets Glass! Part 2 will be up next week! Get your wine glass and come on 🙂

Girl Meets Glass:
Blog — http://www.girlmeetsglass.com
Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/GirlMeetsGlass/
Twitter — @girlmeetsglass
Tumblr — http://girlmeetsglass.tumblr.com

Cyclo-Cafe:
Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/OntheCycloCafe/
Website — http://www.cyclo-cafe.fr

En Vrac (includes location & hours of operation):
Website — http://www.vinenvrac.fr/en/

S1.2, TS3: Arab Adventures Pt. 2 “Sunset Desert Safari” (UAE)

March 2, 2016March 2, 2016Leave a comment

Welcome to the 3rd travelsode of Travel Unplugged. In this episode, we trek thru the desert of the United Arab Emirates on a desert safari. So. Freakin’. Fun!

This 5 hour 4×4 Desert Safari tour takes you from the cities of either Dubai or Abu Dhabi into the desert where you go sand-duning, sand boarding, 4×4 quad biking, or get a henna tattoo, try falconry and smoke some shisha after a bbq dinner and belly dancing display. This tour has it all!

S1.2, TS2: Arab Adventures Pt. 1 “Sunrise Hot Air Balloon Ride” (UAE)

February 17, 2016February 17, 2016Leave a comment

Hello my lovely travelistas! Please join me for Part 1 of my 2 part “Arab Adventures” series! In this travelsode of Travel Unplugged, we are going to watch the sunrise as we soar over the desert outside Dubai in a hot air balloon!!!

I’ve had a bucket list for 6 years now and was finally able to check “riding in a hot air balloon” off! I booked the tour thru Balloon Adventures and IT. WAS. AWESOME! Seriously, this ranks up there as one of my all-time favorite activities!!! It would have been perfect if I had a glass of champagne…but I’ll do that next time (smile).

Looking for a fabulous way to start your day during a trip to Dubai? Consider doing a hot air balloon ride. You start the day SUPER EARLY. I mean, seriously…they pick you up between 3 and 4am. And you know the only folks out at the time are those making bad decisions 🙂 It’s about a 1.5 hour drive to the desert lift off location so you can take a quick nap enroute.

Once you arrive, you go thru a safety training then watch as they prep the balloon for the ride. It goes by really fast so be sure to bring your camera and GoPro to capture the memories (they also will sell you a video of your ride).

Cost is approximately $270 per person for adults. They do have discounted pricing available for kids (ages 5-12). Price includes transportation to/from your hotel (or a central meeting point), flight certificate and cold refreshments.

Grab your e-goggles and let’s go!

S1.2, TS1 Parisian Catacombs

February 10, 2016February 10, 2016Leave a comment

Hi my travelistas! On today’s travelsode of Travel Unplugged, we are going 60 feet under street level to explore Les Catacombes (the ossuary where the bones of 6 million Parisians are housed). Located at 1 avenue du Colonel Henri Rol-Tanguy in the 14th Arrondissement. They only allow 200 visitors at a time. Due to the length of the tour (up to 1 hour) and the fact that you walk down 130 steps (and up 80 steps), it’s not recommended for those with limited mobility.

The Catacombs are so freaking awesome! The bones are stacked up 5 feet high in very cool arrangement of femurs, tibias and skulls. I kept waiting for Sammy Terry to pop out and say, “Bonjour Madamoiselle, I’ve been waiting for you!” Then I’d have screamed, died on site and had my bones mixed in with the others.

As I say in the video, what I can’t get with is that the bones are mixed up all willy nilly. You know they didn’t try to figure out who is Celine and who is Francois. And it would be my luck that if I was one of the dead, my bones would be mixed up with my arch nemesis (we’ll name her Becky since it starts with a “b”) and my ex (who we will call Leroix so it sounds French). You know who ain’t trying to have their femur mixed with Becky’s tibia and Leroix’s skull? Me. I have gone to Glory and need time to rest. And I know they ain’t walking the golden streets of heaven…because if they are, then I’d need to go speak with Peter about their quality control process and review their paperwork to ensure that error is corrected and they are given tickets to go down South 🙂 Ha!

If you visit Paris, be sure to check out The Catacombs in all of its macabre splendor!

Hours:
Daily from 10am to 8pm (last admission at 7pm), except Mondays and some holidays.

More information & to Purchase Tickets:

http://www.catacombes.paris.fr/

Travel Unplugged – Season 1.2 “The Remix” Trailer

February 3, 2016February 3, 20161 Comment

Hi everybody!! It’s a new year with new goals and plenty of chances to make bad decisions! Ha! I want to welcome you to view the Travel Unplugged – Season 1.2 “The Remix” trailer. I had such big dreams and big plans last year for this travel show…but life happened and it kinda fell off the radar with my move to Paris.

So, I figured a reboot was in order and I’d relaunch the Travel Unplugged. Instead of doing Season 2 (since I only did 3 videos for season 1), I figured I’d do like most rappers/rapstresses and remix the first season. I even have a 17 week Winter Season Schedule. Now, the schedule is tentative as I may move some of the videos around depending on ~~how lazy I am~~ my mood.

This season, I will be publishing every Wednesday and will cover one of the following areas: Destinations; Expat Experience; A Day in the Life of a Parisienne and Paris Highlights. Check me out!

Tentative Winter Schedule

Indian Visa Shenanigans

February 2, 2016Leave a comment

How did I start my day? Well, thank you for asking. I started it by going to the Indian Consulate here in Paris because they requested an “in-person interview” about my visa application. It gave me the warm fuzzies when the travel agent told me that she’s never had this request before. Yay me…always the trailblazer.

Anyway, I ask the travel agent if I need to make an appointment. She tells me no, just show up sometime this week between 9:30 and noon. I was like, “Are you sure you can arrive unannounced at the consulate office?” TA, “Yes.” So that is what I did. And, e-family, what do you think happened? Do you think this process went smoothly? Spoiler Alert…it did not.

I arrive around 9:30am to beat the rush and catch folks in a good mood. I had learned from my visit to the French Consulate in Washington, DC that some of the workers aren’t morning people but I decided to take my chances. And crapped out. I wasn’t rolling 7s or 11s, y’all.

However, I arrive and speak with a nice African gentleman working the gate. As I explain the purpose for my visit, he waves me thru and I go up to the front desk.

Me: Bonjour, Madame! I’m here for an interview regarding my business visa to India.

Deepa (that is what I am naming her): Why are you?

Me: *thinking — “I just told you.”* Says out loud, “I’m here for a visa interview.”

Deepa: Do you have an appointment?

Me: *looks pitiful* No, Madame. I was told by my visa agent that I did not need one.

Deepa: *unaffected by my pitiful look* Who told you that?

Me: *clearly Deepa isn’t processing my clear communications with her* My travel agent. She sent me an email stating this fact.

Deepa: You can’t just show up at the office without an appointment! Show me the email!

Me: *woosah* *shows her the email*

Deepa: Yes, it says clearly right here that you are supposed to show up for an interview.

Me: Wait…what? Yes, it says I don’t need an appointment.

Deepa: Exactly! You did the right thing.

Me: *Deepa is lost in the sauce at 9:30am*

So, Deepa then asks for my paperwork…which I don’t have since it is with THE INDIAN CONSULTATE OFFICE. I inform her of this and she was like, “How do I know who you are?” *Jesus take the wheel and my visa application* I write down my name and passport number as that bit of advanced security seems to satisfy her. Deepa then goes to speak with person in charge of my visa application.

You are probably thinking…it can’t get any worse, right? WRONG. See, these jokers are what Charlie Murphy likes to call “habitual line steppers.” Which means they will cross the line each.and.every.time.

Setting the scene — Deepa walks me up some rickety steps, down the hall and to a large office where my piece of paper with my name and passport number are sitting. I sit down in from of Mahdi (the name I’ve selected for this gentleman) and he continues to shuffle and look thru sheets of paper for 3 minutes. I’m steadily looking at him like, “Sir?” He finally acknowledges my presence and we have the following exchange.

Mahdi: Why are you here?

Me: *Take me to the King* Because I was told I needed to come in for an interview regarding my business visa to India.

Mahdi: Hmmm. *picks up my passport* Page 51 is blank. Why?

Me: *clueless* Can I please see the passport to understand your reference? *he passes the passport and I see that it says to “see page 51” for endorsements. I’ve never noticed this and nobody has EVER questioned me about it…and y’all know how much I use my passport.* I don’t know what that is about. I’ve never been asked about it.

Mahdi: *looking like, “gotcha!”* Where you come from?

Me: Washington, DC but I live in Paris now.

Mahdi: But this application says Washington. There is no DC with it. You do know that Washington is also a state?

Me: *wanting to get sassy in the mouth but holding my mule so I can get this doggone visa* I don’t know why the travel agent didn’t put DC on it. I’m sure it was a simple oversight. And, yes, I am aware that Washington is also a state.

Mahdi: *looking put upon like I asked him for a ride to the airport* Do you speak Hindi?

Me: No, is that a requirement? *can’t help myself*

Mahdi: Where you plan to go in India?

Me: Delhi, Mumbai and Hyderabad

Madhi: Hmm, what is this on your forehead in the picture on your French visa?

Me: It’s a smudge.

Mahdi: I thought you wore a dot on your forehead like some Indian ladies. Have you been to India before?

Me: No. *and at this point, it doesn’t look likely that I ever will.*

Mahdi: Looks like you missed your flight. *They took so long processing my visa that I had to reschedule my trip for late February*

Me: I know but it’s ok.

Mahdi: What’s the capital of Washington?

Me: *confused* The capital of Washington? In the United States?

Mahdi: Yes

Me: Seattle

Mahdi: So you do know about the U.S.

Me: *taking out my phone to get Jesus on the main line* Yes, sir.

Mahdi: Okay, I will approve your visa. Have a nice trip.

This is my life, y’all. I promise you that I cannot make this stuff up. India better be a freaking dream with everything I’ve had to go thru to get this visa 🙂

An Expensive-Ass Letter

February 1, 20166 Comments

Hi all and Happy 2016!!! I told myself that THIS year, I was going to blog on a regular basis. Now, I lie to myself so take it for what it’s worth. Anyways, I have moved to the beautiful City of Lights and figured I’d start sharing my experience with you…my peeps…my e-family.

So, being offered a job transfer to Paris was so. freaking. exciting! Then, I was like, “wait, I don’t speak French.” But immediately was like, “Self, it doesn’t matter. You can pick it up!” LIES!

I took an immersion class in Washington, DC for 7 weeks before I moved…and know how to say my name and count. I can’t tell you how helpful that has been.

French Person: Excuse me, would you like something to eat?

Me: Je m’appelle Nikki. Neuf.

French Person: Um, hi Nikki. What do you mean by the number 9?

Me: *blank stare* Deux

French Person: Wanders off and takes away sharp objects

It is getting better though. I am now taking French lessons twice per week and while I do get frustrated at the fast pace, it helps to push me forward into learning the language so I can assimilate faster.

Which brings me to sharing my experience at the post office (or La Poste) as it’s called here. My sorority sister requested I send a letter to her child’s kindergarten class that basically says that I saw the gingerbread man here in Paris. I write and address the letter, figure out what I need to say at the post office to buy the correct number of stamps, and head forth to bask in a moment of triumph.

Sigh. As I get to the counter, I show my letter and ask how much I needed to pay in postage to mail the letter to the United States. I hear something that sounded like “set” which I took to mean 7 (which is “sept” in French). So, I buy 7 stamps and place ALL 7 ON THE LETTER.

Did you ever read the Harry Potter books? If not, there is a passage about Molly, Harry’s best friend’s mom, mailing him a letter thru the “Muggle Post” (non-magical letter mailing, which is basically what I am doing). Since they normally use owls to deliver letters, his wizarding family didn’t know how much postage to put on the letter. It looked like this…

What my letter looked like.

Which is exactly how my letter looked to travel from Paris to Indiana. When I put all 7 stamps on the letter, the address was just barely visible. I give it to the postman, he looks at me and was like, “Why are there so many stamps on this?” I was like, “Sir? What? You told me 7 stamps.” He looked at me and muttered something in French that sounded suspiciously like “bless her heart” which we all know in southern US means that person is “special.”

After removing 6 stamps, I was finally able to get it mailed. No telling where the gingerbread man is now…:)

Season 1, Travelsode 2 (The Blue Lagoon — Iceland)

July 15, 2015July 14, 20154 Comments

The second travelsode of Travel Unplugged takes you to the beautiful Blue Lagoon! Located just outside Reykjavík, this geothermal spa (which is one of National Geographic’s “25 Wonders of the World”) is a “must see” on your travel bucket list!

Links:

More info about the Blue Lagoon (including pricing/directions) – http://www.bluelagoon.com

Products — http://www.bluelagoon.com/shop/us/

Icelandair (stop over for up to 7 nights on your way to Europe) — http://www.icelandair.us/flights/stopover/

Gate 1 Travel — http://www.gate1travel.com/scandinavia-travel/

What is Travel Unplugged? Um…it’s AWESOME!

May 20, 2015May 20, 20152 Comments

Previously, I announced my new online travel show called “Travel Unplugged” that premiered on April 29, 2015 with its first episode on the XtraCold Ice Bar in Amsterdam. In this post, I wanted to take time to explain what Travel Unplugged is all about! In this trailer, I will answer the following questions:

What is Travel Unplugged?
What is a “travelsode”?
How many travelsodes will there be each season?
Where will we be traveling to?
What can you expect?

Thank you so much for checking me out and I hope you subscribe to my YouTube channel and watch the first season of Travel Unplugged!

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