Balinese Booty Massage

I’m calling on the Prayer Warriors, y’all.  Saints, please put me on your prayer list.  I’m sitting in an ePew placing my burdens on the iAltar.  Y’all???  Why is it that every time I get a male masseuse, my 75 minute Deep Tissue Massage turns into a 45 minute Booty Roll Detox?

It rarely happens with female massage therapists.  But, 95% of the male therapists I’ve had go straight to Booty Town and stay there like a matinée is playing.  Why?  I wear panties which I thought was the international sign for “don’t touch this” in the massage world.  I just knew this time would be different.  I know my booty is big.  But it is big because of genetics…not because that’s where I carry my stress.

So, the massage begins and I’m laying face down on the massage table and things are going well.  He starts with my upper back and shoulders.  Great pressure. Perfect massage so far.  Then he moves down my back.  Still okay because I got my “Don’t Touch This” panties on so I’m cool.  Next thing I know, he has pulled my panties down and started kneading my booty.  Wait!  What just happened?  The last time someone pulled my panties down like this was when I got a whipping for something I probably didn’t do (I’m still fighting those bogus charges with my parents!).

After 10 minutes, I’m thinking he’s going to wrap it up and move on to the legs.  Nope.  He LEANS INTO THE BUTTOCKS WITH HIS ELBOW!  Um, why is he kneading like I got booty knots?  I thought you just got knots in your shoulders?  Do I suffer from butt distress?

Sir?  Why are you now doing a “wax on/wax off” motion?  I’m going to need to shut down this production of Karate Kid – Bali.  In fact, I’mma need you to slide them hands back up to my shoulders, k?

Lord, help a big booty sista out.

To be honest…the massage was wonderful (once he stopped focusing on my booty).  I felt all kinds of relaxed afterwards.  Once I got dressed and caught sight of my backside in the mirror, I’m pretty sure my booty said “Namaste.”

Hey! How Can I Travel Like You?

20130601-113254.jpgI like to think of travel as a close friend.  Someone I look forward to spending time with…and can’t wait to see again soon!  Many have asked me how I’m able to travel the world like I do.  So, I thought I’d share my journey.  If you want to travel the world…you can do it!  You don’t have to have a certain background.  Just a belief in yourself, determination, faith and a sense of adventure.

Most of the time, I’m asked “What do you do?”  It’s an innocent inquiry as to how I am able to travel to so many places.  I’m always so tempted to answer by saying “I’m an adventurer, explorer &  globetrotting travelista!”  But, while I consider that WHO I AM, it’s not the job title on my business cards…yet 🙂

So, what do I do?  I am responsible for compliance for a global company.  I know that seems really general but it isn’t really important as to WHAT I do…but more importantly, HOW I was able to transition from a job with absolutely no travel into finding one that allows me to explore the world.

I started out working in the legal department of a credit reporting agency.  I did absolutely NO TRAVEL.  Well, I did get to drive 23 miles from Atlanta to Alpharetta.  Woohoo!  Four years into this job, my mother suggested we do a family trip somewhere overseas.  We decided on Italy, booked the trip and headed off.  For those of you who have read my Roaming Thru Rome post, you know that is how this blog started. That is when I caught the travel bug.  I had such a phenomenal time.  While the post focuses on a lot of the hilarity that ensued, it wasn’t until my brother and I were walking around the Ponte Vecchio in Florence that I stopped and said, “I need a job that will pay for me to see the world.” I realized then that I had been missing out on so much.

After my trip, a friend suggested I read The Secret.  This book really helped me to shift from viewing my current circumstances in a negative light to clearly identifying what I wanted to do next and speaking that into being.  I can be Debbie Downtrodden, Negative Nancy & Pissed Off Patty all rolled into one sometimes.  I figured it was time for a change 🙂 So, I created a vision board with photos of international cities I wanted to visit and words that described my wish to find a job with overseas travel.

My desire to see the world was born in Florence.  That was July 2007.  In October 2007, I received a call from a recruiter asking me if I’d be interested in a compliance audit position.  I had absolutely no audit experience.  However, the company was looking for someone with a law degree to focus on certain legal-related audits and felt that I could easily pick up the audit piece.  To be honest, I wasn’t all that interested.  Then, the hiring manager called me and told me he had just gotten back from a month-long trip overseas to Italy, the Netherlands, Finland, France, Ireland, etc.  At this point, all I heard was “international travel.”  I was sold!  A few weeks later, I was offered a job with my current company.

It didn’t start out with the international destinations that I dreamed of.  Here I thought I’d be flying off to the French Riviera.  When, in fact, during the first 2 years, my only “international” trips were to Mexico City and Toronto.  Mostly, I had to travel to places like Louisville, Mississippi since my boss called dibs on all the interesting foreign destinations.  I was not feeling that.

As planning was underway for the 2010 calendar, a few things happened.  First, my boss was promoted out of our group and into another business.  Second, I spoke up and became aggressive about being assigned international audits.  Everything then fell into place.  I spent 70% of my time in 2010 in the UK and Europe.

At that point, I realized that I needed to figure out how to become a specialist in compliance areas that would require international travel.  It takes time but those baby steps help build the foundation to get you where you want to go.

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But the best laid plans sometimes have unforeseen pitfalls.  My company sold its European business in 2012 and I was then promoted into a compliance position within a business.  While the business segment had a sub-business that had international offices, I was assigned to the domestic sub-business.  Which meant ZERO international travel.  I was devastated.  I didn’t want to drive around the southeast to mills!  But, I dusted myself off and put together a new plan.

That meant talking with sister companies that had international offices as well as having a frank conversation with my new boss.  Sometimes, you just have to put it out there and tell them what you want.  I was clear that I wanted to focus solely on international-related matters.  Not just because I love travel, but because I’m intrigued by international business.  The nuances of laws and regulations between different countries keeps me on my toes.  Turns out, my new boss didn’t care for international travel so I was blessed to be able to shift into a new position where I am now responsible for compliance for our international business.

So, how do you get to travel internationally for business?  Here’s a few suggestions:

  1. Work for a global company.  This will allow you the opportunity to gain access to the international offices.  Think about joining a capability group (i.e. compliance, IT, law, etc.) that will allow you to work across the organization with multiple business lines.
  2. Work for a consulting firm.  This could be a law firm, forensic accounting…whatever firm offers services to companies.  Companies hire consulting firms to conduct investigations or independent audits in various areas (i.e. anti-corruption, data privacy, antitrust, anti-bribery, anti-money laundering, etc.).
  3. Research job qualifications on LinkedIn.  This will help you to figure out what skills are most often listed for positions that have international travel.
  4. Leverage your transferable skills.  This will allow you to change careers.  Maybe you are in IT and know a lot about data privacy due to the various restrictions that need to be in place when setting up email accounts for international employees or transferring data to the U.S. from other countries?  Look to join a company in their Privacy group.
  5. Become an Agent.  If you have a background in sales, this would work for you.  Typically, Agents sell goods on behalf of a company.  Find a global firm and talk the hiring manager into letting you handle a foreign market.
  6. Be fluent in another language.  You will see that most international positions prefer to hire someone with language proficiency in the countries they will be interacting with.  Knowing another language gives you a competitive edge! Companies will see that they don’t need to pay for an interpreter to go with employees or consultants to foreign countries.

heart-intuitionThese are just a few suggestions to get you started.  The biggest piece of advice I can give is to surround yourself with positive people who can encourage you when you start to doubt if it will ever happen.  Think optimistically and know that you will find a way to travel the world.  Create a vision board; tape Post-It notes with motivational quotes next to your computer screen; and start living like the job is already yours!

If you have more advice to add to the list, I’d love to hear it!  Thanks for reading and good luck!

Photos of the Day: Nusa Dua (Bali, Indonesia)

IMG_0360Peaceful.  Serene.  Breathtaking.  Those are just a few words to describe the beautiful southern Bali beach town known as Nusa Dua.  I am currently staying at the fabulous Conrad Bali for work but was able to sneak in a couple of vacation days to lounge around the pool and spend the mornings on the beach as the sun rises.

With its awesome beaches, magnificent sunrises, crashing surfs and delicious food…this exclusive enclave is a welcome haven for those seeking to relax and get away from it all.

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Buddhist Bootcamp

20131015-205704.jpgI’ve been saying that I’m going to start incorporating the principles of Buddhism into my life as soon as I can finish the “How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life” by the Dalai Lama.  But, excuses get in the way.  Work gets in the way.  Everything gets in the way except me making the time.

So, I decided to ease into it.  You know, start with going to yoga and ending with me finishing the book during my sojourn to Bali. That was such an awesome idea in theory. In practice?  Well, we’ll see.  I’ve got the book pulled up on my Kindle waiting for my attention.  Somehow, it got shuffled behind some trashy romance novels that some unknown person I downloaded.

Anyway, I started off with yoga.  Lord help me.  It looks so easy in the magazines.  I bought cute yoga attire from Athleta then signed up for a 75 minute Hot Yoga class.  Easy peasy.  I intended to walk out so zen & relaxed.

The class started and I was like, “this is cool!”  I’m stretching and the positions aren’t that difficult although I’m about as limber as an iron rail.  But no matter.  ZEN!  That’s what I’m here to achieve.  Then, I notice how quiet it is.  In spin class, I can’t think of anything else except trying not to die on the bike because they have me doing some sort of dance routine complete with jazz hands to 2 Chainz.  But here, it is so tranquil that my mind starts to wander and now I’m thinking about everything but yoga.  That’s when irritation sets in because you can’t zone out when the positions get harder.

Yoga Instructor (YI): (in a sing-song breathy voice) Slowly move into downward facing dog.

Me:  (moves into position) This ain’t bad. *tinkling music and YI painting us a scene with words* [then I start thinking about the stank email I got from John at work and my blood pressure starts to rise.]

YI:  Now move into a plank for 27 minutes

Me:  WTF?  27 minutes?  Ugh! [mentally drafting a response to John’s email that will go something like, “Sir, I suggest you use the backspace key next time you think of sending some crazy email to me because I ain’t the one.  Don’t try me, try Jesus.”  Hmmm, maybe I need to re-word that a little as it might come across hostile??  THESE PLANKS HURT!!!  JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!]

YI:  Doesn’t that feel wonderful?  Like puppies resting on your tummy?  Breathe in deeply.  Think of yourself as the breaths, not the breather. You are one with the universe.  A flower opening up to the welcome the sun.

Me:  Ma’am?  I can’t do that.  This is too much imagery.  My core fell out of my body 10 minutes ago.  I’m about to do the crying baby position, k?

YI:  Now…transition out of the plank and cartwheel into the Terrible Twos Tantrum position (or whatever it is…honestly, I had stopped listening after my muscles locked up and were like, “please know your limitations.”).

Me:  OMG, is this a tumbling class?  WTH?  *falls out*

YI:  Namaste

Me:  Call 911

See?  This is why I can’t have nice things and be thin and calm.  WHY IS YOGA SO HARD???  This was supposed to be my introduction into Keeping it Calm — Buddha-Style.  At this rate, I ain’t going to make it.

So now…I’m back to reading the book and trying yoga again.  Maybe it will be easier on the beach in Bali?  Maybe this time, I can use imagery for good thoughts instead of mentally written curse-out emails?  I don’t even know.  What I do know is that I really want to learn to let foolishness roll off me like waves of cool water.  I read inspirational quotes by the Dalai Lama and think, “He is so wise. I need a better coping mechanism besides chocolate and alcohol.”

Do any of you follow Buddhist principles?  Any suggestions for a newbie?

Super Seoul Sunday

Statue of King Sejong the Great of Joseon

Statue of King Sejong the Great of Joseon

I had the pleasure of spending 24 hours in the beautiful city of Seoul, South Korea during a stop-over on my way to Bali for a business meeting and some R&R. Seoul far exceeded my expectations!

First, let me talk about Korean Airlines.

*sigh*

So, I purchased my ticket to Bali thru Korean Airlines trying to save my company a few dollars. They were a SkyTeam partner so I booked thinking this trip would finally get me to the coveted Diamond Medallion Promised Land. Wrong. Delta decided to change their SkyMiles Program and create 4 “tiers” for their airline partners. Prior to Sept. 1, 2013; Korean Airlines offered not only SkyMiles but 150% MQMs! I was psyched! Then, I started scrolling down thru the changes and guess who is in the dreaded “Tier 4 Barely SkyTeam Partner”? Korean Airlines. It’s like Delta wants to break up with them but doesn’t have the heart to do it so they are on a “break”. I’m so devastated that I can’t even write another Damn You, Delta letter.

I just assumed it was Delta’s fault. Like they felt they were now too good for simple Korean Airlines. Someone told them they were too pretty to be hanging with the nerds. Then, I flew KE for the first time on Friday and was like, “oh…sorry, Delta.” See, I now understand. KE just isn’t in the same league as Delta, KLM and AirFrance. Where was my amenities bag in Business Class? Why do I have to go to the bathroom to get a toothbrush? Why are you offering me headphones from a 1985 Walkman? Where are the noise-cancelling headphones? Where is the dessert trolley? Did you really just offer me a small Haagen-Dazs ice cream cup that I can buy for $2.99 at Kroger? I paid $8,000 for this? I need to see an itemized receipt. No, sirs and ma’ams. That ain’t the business. That ain’t SkyTeam Tier 1. That’s SkyTeam PIP (Performance Improvement Plan).

Um...what?

Um…what?  This is Business Class trappings?

I will give this to Korean Airlines…there was a lot of room seat-wise and their service is top notch and beats Delta hands down every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Moving on to the city of Seoul. I really didn’t know what to expect and figured a day layover would give me just enough time to decide if this is someplace I’d like to come back for a longer visit. This city is awesome! The people were so friendly, the service was excellent every place we went and downtown was so interesting.

View from the Conrad Seoul of the sun rising over the Han River

View from the Conrad Seoul of the sun rising over the Han River

We stayed at the Conrad Seoul (which I will review in my next post). It was a fabulous hotel! The only negative is that you were required to pay for internet. I feel that should be included in all stays because, seriously? This place ain’t cheap. Y’all can afford to make internet “free”. So, Mr. Conrad Hilton…to quote Amistad, “give us free!” With a 13 hour time difference and arriving to the hotel at 7pm, the first night was a wrap. But, we were up by 4am which gave us time to get situated and out for the day. Seoul’s subway system is so clean and easy to navigate! It made getting from the hotel to downtown simple and stress free.

Seoul's subway

Seoul’s subway

Our first stop was Gwanghwamu Gate where the 2013 Seoul Arirang Festival is taking place.  There are several musical performances that we walk past…

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We head over to the Gyeongbokgung Palace which is the first royal palace built in the Joseon dynasty.  “First constructed in 1395, later burned and abandoned for almost three centuries, and then reconstructed in 1867, it was the main and largest palace of the Five Grand Palaces built by the Joseon Dynasty.[1] The name means “Palace” [Gung] “Greatly Blessed by Heaven” [Gyeongbok].  In the early 20th century, much of the palace was destroyed by Imperial Japan. Since then, the walled palace complex has been gradually restored back to its original form. As of 2009, roughly 40% of the original number of palace buildings still stand or have been reconstructed.” (source Wikipedia).

Gyeongbokgung Palace

Gyeongbokgung Palace

Changing of the guard at the palace.

This palace is a series of buildings and walkways.  It reminds me of the palaces I’ve seen in Morocco and Istanbul as it has courtyards and a very open/airy feel.

Final stop was the National Folk Museum of Korea which houses an impressive collection of artifacts and tells the history of the people of Korea.  Very fascinating…and free!

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As we are walking around, I start to notice a theme with the couples. I’m guesstimating that 87% of them wore matching outfits. If their shirts didn’t match, they at least wore matching shoes.

Forget roses and rings...matching outfits show people y'all are MFEO (Made For Each Other).

Forget roses and rings…matching outfits show people y’all are MFEO (Made For Each Other).

Y’all weren’t ready for the collage, were you? This right here? This is commitment. Who needs a ring when you have a madras button-down and matching leggings? This also makes it easier to figure out where you stand in a relationship. If Kim Jong hasn’t gifted you with a “Jungle” t-shirt & a pair of bright yellow Nike’s that match what he is wearing? Y’all don’t go together. He is not your boo thang. Please understand this. Know the couple code. If you were trying to figure it out, then here you go. You’re welcome.

All in all, Seoul was such a great time & the food is PHENOMENAL! I can’t wait to come back and spend a good amount of time exploring monuments & temples and participating in a tea ceremony.

Have you been to Seoul? If so, what things do you suggest a first time visitor do?

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